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🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.
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***A place to share and support***
Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗
Good afternoon, hope you all are doing well today. I went to a grief support meeting last week. I was the only widower sitting with 6 widows. They are all inspirational for me.
The topic of loving someone again came up and several folks mentioned that they could not do that again because of the fear of losing someone again. After thinking about this notion, it made me sad.
How does that idea make you feel?
For me, I've got 25 years of great living left and I don't want to go it alone.
For me, down the road because he just passed a week ago, but I know i am going to be very lonely and would love someone to be with. My issue is I am well past physical desire, menopause took care of that. How can you look for a partner when you don't want sex...cuddling, sure...but not sex.
It may sound like an ideal plan for those who are grieving to say they are going to avoid love out of a fear of loss. However, there is a quote when it is read and thought through may bring up some potential issues with the plan.
"To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness." --Erich Fromm
We will all work through this in our own way so I think the important thing is how the idea makes you feel.
I’ve been married twice. First one ended in
divorce, second one when he passed. I don’t
ever want to put my heart out there again. It’s
been broken too many times, more then I can
count. I have many blessings in my life and
many who I love and love me. Just loving
another man is not in my plans. Best of luck
to you, I hope you find what you’re looking for
I am at a stage of my life that being married for 61 years was a blessing. However, I no longer feel that I need a man in my life. For the first time, I will discover who "I" am. I always tease my son saying "I do not wish to train another man." 🤣 You, Bill are young and I think it is important for men to have companionship and a partner to share their life with. You have to complete your mourning, get emotionally strong again and put yourself out there. I must admit "out there" is a frightening place in today's society. I wish you much luck and happiness.
Outstanding words of support and wisdom. I friend of mine from the Netherlands told me "know that you never have that path to walk alone" when I told him that my wife passed. It true we're all walking hand in hand (in person or virtually). Take care my friends..
Dates of remembrance, conversations etc. all bring out the grief of losses. Sometimes quite suddenly. I was talking to someone yesterday and I could've sworn I was talking and laughing with my deceased sister. Gone over 20 yrs now. My heart still hurts every time I think of her. I acknowledge these times of vulnerability, let the grief flow and get on with my day. It's hard to tell if I'm feeling sorry for those that are gone, or for myself. I don't like to dwell on the past. So pretty quickly get back to the present. But it might be a little easier at my age, 73. So much is in the past. I'm grateful to have peace. The days seem to take care of themselves.
Mc @mc6844 . Thanks for sharing this really important message. These things happen suddenly and we react or respond to them often without thinking or controlling. I love that you acknowledge your vulnerability and grief, but also don't dwell in that space. You mention getting back to the present and that is the mindfulness of bringing yourself into the moment. Information about triggers, feelings, and coping strategies is so beneficial!
HELLO BeatleLoverKT and NicoleW. I'm moved and grateful to you both for connecting, supporting, and sharing your kindness with all of us as well. For BeatleLover, this is a big milestone: 5 years of loss and grief, but also transformation. You are NEWLY reconstituted without your loved one, and at the same time, your husband's love, and character, and all those memories, are woven into every bit of who you are 5 years later. NicoleW, clearly you are working mightily to hold onto your integrity while other folks are being silly and hurtful (also known as toxic), and you know who you are deep down. That you two help each other is lovely and affirming of us all: we are herd animals, we humans, and we need each other.
I was listening to the sermon yesterday in church, which celebrated the idea of Jesus' transfiguration. And learned that Transfiguration implies a revelation of the true nature. I feel that grief does this: reveal our true nature. Grief burns off the superficial, and unimportant, the priorities we thought matter but actually do not. It reorients us to who we are and what we can be about in the world, and in our hearts. We are transfigured.
Thank you for being 'there' for each other, and 'here' for all of us.
(1 comment) Thank you for the suggestion Marcy! 🤎🤗
I just got back from my bereavement group meeting. Providing you can get out and there are groups in your area, it is another place where grieving people can go to be with others who understand.◀️
(1 comment)Thanks Marcy, Nicole 🤎🤗
I read an article last week that may be beneficial for our group. It doesn't look like this forum will accept the link so I will provide the article title and author in case you have to search it out. The article title is "Dear Griever, Give Yourself Some Grace" by Stephanie Farr.◀️
I read an article last week that may be beneficial for our group. It doesn't look like this forum will accept the link so I will provide the article title and author in case you have to search it out. The article title is "Dear Griever, Give Yourself Some Grace" by Stephanie Farr
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I just watched a short interview with Amanda Kloots. She talked about grief and how it can "eat you up." Something she found helpful was finding a community where there are others who understand your pain and loss. I had heard this information from other sources and wasn't sure it would be helpful for me.
I have however made connections individually and within a group setting with others who have experienced loss and it has been very beneficial for me.
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