Recognized Social Butterfly

What am I going to do with me?

What am I going to do with me?


Late this morning, after buying a couple of items at the Morehead City Wal-Mart, I strode to my car. Before driving off, I wanted to use my cell phone. But it had disappeared. I frisked myself thoroughly and vigorously (a TSA agent couldn’t have done it better): no phone. Then I searched on top of, in between, and underneath all of the seats: no luck there either. I checked the hood, the roof, above and inside the trunk: all in vain. Perhaps I left my cell in the store. So I retraced my steps. When that didn’t work, I inquired at the customer service lost and found. My cell remained lost. When I got outside, I dug into my pockets. Maybe, as farfetched as it seemed, there was a hole in one of them, large enough for my cell phone to wriggle through. All was intact. Then I shuddered: Someone might have reached into my electronically defective unlocked car and stolen my phone: Pretty unlikely, eh?


Dismissing that paranoid thought, I returned to my car. Hyperventilating and sweating near high noon (the heat index was about 110 degrees), I reexamined the inside of my car for that elusive phone.  And there it was, very visibly nestled in the middle of the floor alongside the back passenger seat. How could I have missed it after my earlier scrupulous search? Of course, I have been known to overlook things when I get a little frantic. On the other hand, what if a prankster had taken my cell and then put it back while I was in Wal-Mart scrounging around for it? Whatever the situation, I at least had my phone.


But the farce continued. I couldn’t find my keys. They weren’t in my pockets and neither inside nor outside the car. I was stumped and stupefied. I might have left them at Wal-Mart, but God knows why.


I plodded back to the optical department at Wal-Mart where I had last purchased an eyeglass case, hoping on the way to locate my keys. But even if I failed to find them on this route, they still could be in the car— if my nemesis decided to return them as he or she might have done with my phone. 


At first, my search was futile. However, the optician came to my rescue. After I asked him if he had seen my keys, he pointed to the top eyeglass case shelf. Somehow I must have inadvertently placed them there during the transaction. Luckily, that was no optical illusion. Whew!


Senior moments: you can laugh at them, love them, or loathe them.  In my case, these ambivalent moments began when I literally became an absent-minded professor teaching freshmen literature that often revealed the follies of humanity. How apropos.



Honored Social Butterfly

@schlomo ,

You are so incredibly funny and I enjoy your writings so much.  Seems like every time I go away for a period of time and come back to your "column," I find you have written another gem.  This little tale was another jewel indeed.  I laughed OUT LOUD as I read and related to your senior moment(s).  Keep up the good work and soon you may have enough stories too string together for a proper book.  Thanks for a hardy laugh today.  I truly needed it!



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Recognized Social Butterfly

It's nice to have a fan like you. Thanks for the kudos.

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