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Silver Conversationalist
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My Mother's Face

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Message 11 of 12

  Some years back when I was thirty-five I hit a  rough
patch in my life so to speak that led to me attempting suicide. My
"girlfriend" at the time was  slowly removing herself
from my life and I understandibly didn't like it one little bit. One
afternoon during this period she came by my place to collect some of
her things. I had it in my head that I was going to sit her down and
tell her what was on my mind, how I felt and how I wanted things to
go. Well needless to say my little plan didn't come out like I
had  planned. She only wanted to get out of there and I didn't
want her to go. So I wound up grabbing her around her middle and tried
to make her stay and listen to what I had to say. If she would only
listen then everything would be alright and we could live happily ever
after, or so I told myself. She managed to break away and escape from
my presence and the next day she showed me the bruises I had left on
her arms. Now she was a woman if you looked at her hard she would
bruise. That didn't matter though. I had done something I had not
thought myself capable of. I had physically hurt someone I cared
about. Something inside me snapped that day. A couple of days later i
swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills and called a woman I knew
to tell her goodbye. She had her husband call 911 when I told her what
I had done. It didn't take long for the police or the paramedics to
get there and they rushed me to the hospital with sirens blaring. Most
of  that night is a blur. I can only remember bits and pieces of
it. I did wake up at one point though, strapped down with all manner
of wires hooked up to me, to see my mother looking down at me. Even
though I was out of my mind at the time and wound up passing out after
only a minute or two, I will never forget the look on my mother's face
that night.as I lay on that gurney. Even now it's still as clear as a
bell. I could see the pain on her face as she looked down at her
oldest son laying there not knowing if I was going to live or die. My
memory never has been worth a damn. But it wouldn't matter if I lived
to be a thousand I will never be able to forget her face that night. I
don't want  to forget it either. This is something I'm going to
have to live with for the rest of my life. I am grateful for one thing
though. She did live long enough to see me straighten my life out and
get married. She got to see me become a father and she got to hold her
grandson before she died.



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Silver Conversationalist
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413
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11
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My Mother's Face

413 Views
Message 11 of 12

  Some years back when I was thirty-five I hit a  rough
patch in my life so to speak that led to me attempting suicide. My
"girlfriend" at the time was  slowly removing herself
from my life and I understandibly didn't like it one little bit. One
afternoon during this period she came by my place to collect some of
her things. I had it in my head that I was going to sit her down and
tell her what was on my mind, how I felt and how I wanted things to
go. Well needless to say my little plan didn't come out like I
had  planned. She only wanted to get out of there and I didn't
want her to go. So I wound up grabbing her around her middle and tried
to make her stay and listen to what I had to say. If she would only
listen then everything would be alright and we could live happily ever
after, or so I told myself. She managed to break away and escape from
my presence and the next day she showed me the bruises I had left on
her arms. Now she was a woman if you looked at her hard she would
bruise. That didn't matter though. I had done something I had not
thought myself capable of. I had physically hurt someone I cared
about. Something inside me snapped that day. A couple of days later i
swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills and called a woman I knew
to tell her goodbye. She had her husband call 911 when I told her what
I had done. It didn't take long for the police or the paramedics to
get there and they rushed me to the hospital with sirens blaring. Most
of  that night is a blur. I can only remember bits and pieces of
it. I did wake up at one point though, strapped down with all manner
of wires hooked up to me, to see my mother looking down at me. Even
though I was out of my mind at the time and wound up passing out after
only a minute or two, I will never forget the look on my mother's face
that night.as I lay on that gurney. Even now it's still as clear as a
bell. I could see the pain on her face as she looked down at her
oldest son laying there not knowing if I was going to live or die. My
memory never has been worth a damn. But it wouldn't matter if I lived
to be a thousand I will never be able to forget her face that night. I
don't want  to forget it either. This is something I'm going to
have to live with for the rest of my life. I am grateful for one thing
though. She did live long enough to see me straighten my life out and
get married. She got to see me become a father and she got to hold her
grandson before she died.



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413
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