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Re: Did you ever feel abandoned?

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Thank you Frances. As a child I had the fear of getting lost also even now, I don't venture too much when I drive because I am afraid to get lost
I am glad you enjoy volunteering at the Arboretum, it sounds exciting. As you said we need to stay in contact with the outside world. Sara.
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Re: Did you ever feel abandoned?

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It's hard to believe that it's been over 25 years ago that I sat in a therapist's office and he asked me about my "abandonment issues".  I had no idea what he was talking about.

 

Since that time I've not only had a good look at my own issues but I have never met a person without them.  I talked to a friend who is a therapist and she agreed that she didn't believe such an animal lived on this planet, so much so that it is possibly a reaction to our birth process when we are snatched from the nice warm security of our mothers into the outside world.

 

For me that feeling is very painful even if I don't have a name for it.  I have never forgotten not being invited to a classmate's birthday party in the second grade.  I have no idea why I was left out.  It's possible my invitation was lost in the mail and she might have no idea of my feelings since I never told her.

 

Of course that has been repeated many times thru the years and some hurt more than others, but there is always that pang of hurt, even when we know something is for the best.  Right now I'm thinking of the loss of my last job.  That was really hard as I had so much invested with the organization, not only my financial needs but also friendships, many of which did not survive.  At the same time, things had gotten very stressful and I didn't like the road the organization was taking, yet as an employee I felt the need to defend it when others complained.  It was very bad for my physical and mental health.

 

Of course now I'm glad to be out of that situation, as well as many others over the years, but that doesn't make it any easier at the time.  I think the difference is that now I know that the feelings will pass.

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Re: Did you ever feel abandoned?

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Sara,

Thanks for starting this interesting topic. I have never felt abandoned but as a child I lived in fear of abandonment. Not that there was any danger of this but I had an active imagination and was very shy. I feared that I would become lost from my family and not know what to do or where to go. It never happened, but I still recall the feeling.

 

When my husband retired he felt at loose ends and began going to the local YMCA. He would get up, shower, dress, and leave the house the same time as he did to go to work. At the "Y" he would attend Aerobic and Yoga classes, work out on the machines and drink coffee while he socialized in between sessions with others his age. At noon he would return home. It has worked for him. I think we all need routine in our lives.

 

When I retired I began to volunteer at the local Arboretum. There I found a group of people that I soon considered to be my friends. We all share common love of plants, gardening and food. At noon we bring a dish and we all share. Sometimes it's all salads and sometimes all DESSERTS.

 

I think it is important to maintain social contacts after we retire. There are many ways to do this but staying at home all day is not one of them. Volunteer! Workout! Join a book club! There is still a world out there.

 

Frances

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Did you ever feel abandoned?

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 ABANDONED.  (Updated)

I believe that the majority of us must have had the feeling of being abandoned for one reason or another.  Personally, I have had that feeling in several occasions.

 

One of these occasions was when I retired from my job as director of a child care center. My co-workers and friends gave me a wonderful goodbye party. I received many little presents, and I heard the words “We are going to miss you” so many times, but what I liked the most were the beautiful cards, with wonderful thoughts and the little notes I received from everybody.  At the end of the party, I heard “Keep in touch, don’t forget us, we will not forget you”

 

I left that party with mixed feelings, sadness and happiness. Sadness because I was not going to see that wonderful group of people on daily basis again and happiness because I received so many demonstrations of love and respect.

 

I enjoyed staying longer in bed the first day of my retirement and I was looking forward to do only what I wanted to do.  I enjoyed reading, writing, making dolls and taking courses in the internet, so my days were soon filled, however there was something missing.  I realized that my phone had been silent for many days now; absolutely nobody had called me to see how I was doing and all of a sudden I felt abandoned.  A very sad and depressing feeling.

 

What happened to “Keep in touch, don’t forget us, we will not forget you”?

Of course I could call somebody, but I knew I couldn’t call them at work, because nobody was allowed personal calls unless it was emergency and I couldn’t call them at home just to chat because I knew everybody was busy with their families.

 

I am a positive thinker, so I decided to keep busy with my daily routine and eventually I started to receive calls from several co-workers and friends.

 

Later on, I volunteered to help in the classrooms in my old work place and I had fun doing that, especially because I love children and there is nothing more rewarding than to see a smiling child’s face.

 

I have been retired for many years now and I really enjoy my retirement, I still keep busy and I am in contact with many of my old friends.  Life is good!

 

Saravdw 7/25/2014

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