Reply
Silver Conversationalist

What Are Your Important Needs?

Beyond the basic needs of food, water, clothing, shelter ,  what are some of the important needs for you in your own words?  Are there some you want but are lacking? In the psychological world we can reference Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

 

I want to be heard, understood, valued, to belong, to practice my faith, to have purpose and to love and be loved.

 

Feel I have all those things. The only real gap, is that one of my daughters is not speaking to me. 

The more I speak about my estrangement from my daughter, the more common I find out estrangements are for family and friends.

 

Christine

Trusted Contributor

Since my basic needs are met, I can do with my life as it although I'd want more genuine friends. But on the family side, I'd want my daughter to be whole and her daughter to accept she needs help because she was raised by an authoritarian father.

Wanjiru Warama
Bronze Conversationalist

Hi  @WanjirusBits Genuine friends, yes! We can always use more of those. And as @Rhymesometimes has said, I've found a number of really good friends online.  I just met one of them in person a couple weeks ago. Had met her in a professional forum almost 20 years ago, and she has just moved up to my state. We had a great lunch and talk and I know we'll get together often now that she's close by.

0 Kudos
389 Views
0
Report
Trusted Contributor

I also believe you can find genuine friends online. I met some of my best friends online, and met my husband (the keeper husband and BFF) on CompuServe in the 1990s. There's a thread in this forum called "Want to make friends," and it would be great to have you join that thread too. 

 

Longer story and perhaps I'll post it in "want to make friends" but I have a few old friends who are not local to me, and a few wonderful new people I would call acquaintances or casual friends. I once was told that the depth of a friendship is determined by how much more the friend knows about you than other people. I'd like to have more geographically closer better friends, but I know that takes time. 

0 Kudos
406 Views
0
Report
Silver Conversationalist

@WanjirusBits I'm hoping that The Girlfriend forum will be a place to make friendships.  Christine

0 Kudos
503 Views
0
Report
Silver Conversationalist

@WanjirusBits  I believe you can find quality friends in the on-line community.  I've already met a few in the short time I've been posting. We could all use a few more genuine friends.  Christine

Bronze Conversationalist

Great topic @Rhymesometimes 🙂 

In case some aren't familiar with Maslow, here's a useful image:

Maslow.jpgWhat's nice about this time of life is that many of us will have most of our needs fulfilled, altho aging and retirement can certainly challenge the esteem level  if we have defined ourselves by our work and suddenly don't have any.

 

For me, the current need or at least motivator, is to leave a legacy of some kind. Hence, interest in genealogy and time spent writing.

 

And if I could meet the need for pain relief, and especially the need for carbs without calories, I'd be sooooooooo happy. LOL 🤣

Trusted Contributor


@Rhymesometimes wrote:

Beyond the basic needs of food, water, clothing, shelter ,  what are some of the important needs for you in your own words?  Are there some you want but are lacking? In the psychological world we can reference Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

 


It's hard for me to use my own words because yours rang quite true. But I'll try not to go back and peek until after I write mine.

 

I need to be needed. That's a big one for me.

 

I need effective bi-lateral communication.  It's not quite being understood. If I get to say my truth and be heard, even if the other person says "I don't get it - but I accept that it's your truth" and then will work out some sort of behavioral compromise, I'm OK.  

 

I need to be acknowledged ... which you said better as being valued. 

 

I don't know if I need to be loved so much as I need to be liked. 

 

I'm stalled here - and perhaps more will come later.

 

I think my needs are being met now. They weren't until I figured out what they were and found someone who needed what I can give, and gave what I need. 

Silver Conversationalist

@ninaTx  "They weren't until I figured out what they were and found someone who needed what I can give, and gave what I need"  Beautifully worded. I feel the same way.  Second marriage coming up on one year next week.  Awesome guy!  Christine

0 Kudos
546 Views
3
Report
Trusted Contributor


@Rhymesometimes wrote:

@ninaTx  "They weren't until I figured out what they were and found someone who needed what I can give, and gave what I need"  Beautifully worded. I feel the same way.  Second marriage coming up on one year next week.  Awesome guy!  Christine


First I want to add a need - I need to figure out how this forums work - I got emails saying there are responses, but I can't find them here. Ah well, a project for another day. 

 

ANYWAY... happy anniversary.  My birthday is next week and our 24th anniversary is the week after. 

Bronze Conversationalist

@ninaTx I had that frustration for a while too. What seems to work when getting those emails is to click on the Subject line link of that email, which should take you back to the AARP thread and the response. Or if the email is telling you about a private message, it should work the same way, to click on the subject line link and you'll be taken to your private messages page on AARP.
 
🙂

 

0 Kudos
391 Views
0
Report
Silver Conversationalist

@ninaTx  The way the forum responses are currently set up is frustrating.  But there is work being done to improve that format.  Christine

0 Kudos
504 Views
0
Report