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Community Manager

How do you find and make new friends?

Do you find it diffucult to make new friends are you get older?   Great article on this here:  https://www.thegirlfriend.com/relationships/making-friends-middle-age-damn-hard what do you think?

AARPTeri
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Super Contributor

I took a class in stained glass and I had a ball.  Instructor and other students were so much fun.

Contributor

The only way we can make "friends" is when we invite them to dinner and WE have to pick up the tab!! Or if we invite them to a concert, WE pay for the tickets! Otherwise, they won't bother to show up! It's either they join us for free, or they will say "No thanks

 

We you get to a certain age, nobody wants to do anything except watch TV or spend too much time with their grandkids! However, they will pay hundreds of dollars for their grandbrats, and we have to spend the same amount, if not more, just so we won"t wind up as another bunch of old farts and watch TV all day and be in bed by 9:00 PM!!

 

Bah!!

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Conversationalist

I would hardly call someone a "friend" if they expected me to always pay their way.  Sounds like you might be looking for friends in the wrong places.

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Gold Conversationalist

OLIFOLIF...are you serious?  What in the world would make you think you need to pay for friendship? 

 


@OlifOlif wrote:

The only way we can make "friends" is when we invite them to dinner and WE have to pick up the tab!! Or if we invite them to a concert, WE pay for the tickets! Otherwise, they won't bother to show up! It's either they join us for free, or they will say "No thanks

 

We you get to a certain age, nobody wants to do anything except watch TV or spend too much time with their grandkids! However, they will pay hundreds of dollars for their grandbrats, and we have to spend the same amount, if not more, just so we won"t wind up as another bunch of old farts and watch TV all day and be in bed by 9:00 PM!!

 

Bah!!


 

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I agree, friendship is not friendship when you pay for everything. 

Shari
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OlifOlif, If you have to "buy" friends, they aren't really friends. Move on and find real ones.
Go on cruises and trips.
I spend $100 per adult child and their spouses, I have 2. I have one Grandchild. I spend $100 on him... for Christmas. Birthdays, I give them a card and tell them they should bring me a gift for bringing them into the world. 🙂
Older life is not about spending your money on others. It is for enjoying the 4th quarter of your life.

Periodic Contributor

Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer.  You never know who you will meet that could be your next best friend.  And you get to feel like you belong to this new group and feel very good in that you are helping out.  It gets you out of the house.  It doesn’t matter what you do, there is a volunteer organization out there looking for your skills.

Periodic Contributor

Smiley Happy  This is a GREAT suggestion...will look into it.  Might do the voting assistant

Clairev
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Yoga class friends (we go to lunch together every Sunday after yoga); book club friends; phone & email friends from high school (I'm in California and they're in New Jersey); friends from my old job - I have lunch every month with three of these friends, and another monthly lunch with anywhere from three to thirteen friends who show up every month at a restaurant near where we used to work.

Conversationalist

If you are a bit shy, it can be really hard to meet and make new friends.  When you are in school or at a job, you find you can bond with people easily, but as you get older and retire, it may take more effort.  After living in homes all my life, I moved into an Independent/Assisted Living community. There was a gentleman who was sitting outside soaking up the sun (it was August) when I first arrived and filled out an application for an apartment.  I introduced myself to him and told him I was moving in!  He simply said, "Good.!"  I eventually learned that he was Leon and a veteran.  He sat outside every day, rain or shine!  He was a delightful man and made me feel welcome.  As I unpacked and put away my things, another resident, a woman stopped and simply asked, '"Oh, can I see your apartment?"  I gave her a tour and learned she lived on the 3rd floor.  When I made my first visit to the dining room, another lady came and asked if I was new.  She told me I could sit with her and 2 others at a table.  One thing led to another and I made many friends this way.  I, in turn, took up the mantle and made sure to greet new residents with a smile and " my name is,..."

I have made friends for life!

Contributor

I’m divorced for more than 25 years.  Recently, I have been grieving the loss of my sister, a dear cousin, and best friend from childhood.  Feeling depressed is so painful.  It has also brought forth loneliness, which is so debilitating.  It seems that older folks have difficulty in acquiring new friendships. 

 

I live in Los Angeles, and not really the online dating type.  I’d be delighted to meet both men and lady friends.  I am not a loner, and enjoy people - that being one on one; or groups.  I enjoy most everything having to do with learning -  different cultures, theater, film, travel, games, walks, the arts, lectures, fishing, etc. 

 

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.  

 

Most Sincerely,

Rhoda

From So.  California 🌺

 

 

Regular Contributor

Rhonda, First, I'm so sorry for all of those you have lost.   Making new friends can be challenging, and even more so now with Covid.  But there are still lots of avenues to meet people.  Joining a book club online, finding a way to volunteer in your community,  attending a church service (online services too ), strike up conversations with people when you are out running errands ( masked and practicing social distancing of course. ) I just met someone at Michael's craft store in the yarn section today, and we had a great conversation.  Dig into all of those fantastic interests you have online or through the library.  Many libraries are allowing you to request books online and pick them up curbside.  There is one library near me that has even offered limited hours to go into the library.  Be curious, ask people questions about themselves, their interests.  Also, consider grief counseling or finding a support group.  You have had a great deal of loss recently, and it would be healthy to be able to share what you are going through.  Take care Rhonda, I wish you all the best.  Christine

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Periodic Contributor

Smiley Happy  An AARP member suggested Meetup:  https://www.meetup.com/

Clairev
Periodic Contributor

Wish we lived closer. I’d definitely be up for getting out and about from activities to lunches to exercise.
Social Butterfly

@bgsdaughter 

Hello BGS 🙋‍♀️

That's awesome thanks for sharing such a hopeful & positive experience 

Have a beautiful weekend 

Ginger  :  ) 

🙂 Smile & the world Smiles with you 😉 Pass one on....its free
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Regular Contributor

I am 72 years old and not really looking for new friends.

My friends are mostly made up of ladies I grew up with from  elementary school and the neighborhood where I grew up to present and a select few from federal and state employment.

 

Although, not looking for friends, I still like to meet and interact with people.

 

 

Contributor

I  would look for Meetups online in your area or nearby towns. Also u might consider moving I live in a college town and betwwen making friends and doing activities thru it and the university I barely have enough time to work out and do my chores  Good Luck 

Newbie

I just moved into neighbor. I speak to people in stores.

 

Regular Contributor

We bought a second home in Florida (we currently live in New York) in a very active 55+ community in anticipation of retiring down there full-time in the next couple of years.  We've found people to be very friendly and open to new friendships. After people are retired, they have more time to develop friendships again.  I found when you're busy working and raising children, your time is very limited.  After retirement, we're always meeting people who are looking to find friends to do things with since many have their families back north/west.  We're very happy with our choice.  We're hoping to maintain our New York friends by visits up north and hosting them down south, but we are seeing we're developing new friendships down in Florida as well.

Contributor

I joined a wonderful group called Meetup 55 Plus.  I have made many wonderful friends and we are always trying new things and going to old favorites.  In the town I live in there are Meetups for all sorts of activities, its worth a look.  As a result, I have made friends thru this group that I travel with now. Went to Costa Rica with 2 of them and going to the Keys and Cuba with 4 of them. 

Periodic Contributor

I read a NYT’s piece about women in the LA area who have also done this exact same thing. Brilliant.
Regular Contributor

I ask those on when they will expire for good! We create bonds based on this question, and plan on meeting again when that time arives for all of us!

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Live in small town next to largest Army Base US has. Activities are extremely limited for seniors. I do workout almost daily,  take care of myself and pets, repair everything myself and maintain my yard. The community isnt friendly, have extended my hand to many but lucky they wave back. Speak to people everywhere I go but not been able to acquire any friends. Rarely hear from my sons they are always to busy. Almost 70, wonder if they will miss me when I am gone. 

Regular Contributor

It sounds like you're very isolated.  I would consider moving.  I find 55+ communities are great because everyone is retired, has the time and opportunity to socialize.  Most have multiple activities that seniors can get involved in.  It's a shame with our mobile society that we lose contact with our children so easily.  Good luck! 

Conversationalist

I moved to an Independent Living Community.  It was a totally new experience for me as I had never lived in an apartment before.  People told me I would hate it but I actually love it because there are lots of activities where you get a chance to meet other residents.  It wasn't easy for me to do that as I am somewhat shy but I knew if I wanted to make friends, I had to put myself out there and I did!  I volunteer here, attend Bible classes and church services.  I am part of a book club and also serve as the Librarian, a job which I "inherited" from another resident who passed away.  We do many social things, crafting, Happy Hour once a month, as dining out.  I am glad to have come to be part of this wonderful community of people.

Periodic Contributor

Friendships are one of the true joys of life. I now make a commitment to join book clubs, educational groups, social groups just to make these incredible connections which take investment. I’ve also lost many lifelong friends through their passing and mourn how long it took to build those incredible and rewarding relationships and how fast they are gone. Looking forward to many more amazing connections while celebrating the gift of life.