My husband and I stopped having sex in late 1993 when he was diagnosed with
idiocardiomyopathy and had to move to Minnesota that January of 1994 for a heart transplant. My dear beloved husband passed in August of 1995 and I have yet to have a man in my life to have sex with. I learned that I restrain myself a lot because I have high morals and for a couple of
years, because I was still grieving for my husband. It was rough restraining myself because my husband and didn't miss a day making love except for that time of the month. Well, I finally moved into a senior citizens' community from the house I lived in for 33 years of which were 23 years being financially responsible by myself with my adult son not having a job and needing some place to stay. There are times when I want to go out and grab any man just to have sex, bu there again, my morals won't let me and I totally restrain myself and knowing that God knows when I need a man, the right man and I therefore wait if it's meant to be. Now that I've moved out entirely on my own, I started wondering if it was because of my husband that I didn't allow another man in my life or was it my son because he fussed every day and still does if I talk to him on the phone. I've never told him that his fussing reminded me of my father fussing late at night at my mother. It was at a point where I preferred my father being drunk than sober because he only fussed when he was sober. My son wasn't drunk or drinking but every time he calls, I am guaranteed fussing at the end of phone call and I just hang up on him.and haven't talked to him in a month. I haven't talked to my daughter either in 3 years because she tried to use my relationship with son-in-law to use me to have an affair with her friend. Could have cared less about the affair but usage of me did it. I know for a fact that if their father were alive, none of this would have happened but at least they found out that they can't break me down simply because I am a woman without a husband. With all that said, I am happier and I want to start dating without any commitment, but I find that I am very picky and cautious even though I get a lot of 2nd glances and stares. So I do wonder if I did not want any man in my life for 20 years because of my son.
