Do you have or want a best friend?

[AARPTeri]

Even if we're not the peanut butter to your jelly, we still have loyalty to our close friends.  But sometimes you don't want the title of being a best friend either!  How do you feel about having or being a best friend?  https://www.thegirlfriend.com/relationships/im-nobodys-best-friend-and-im-fine-with-that

I don't have one person (since I have my sister and my husband, do they count?) who I'd call a "best friend," but I do have a few really close girlfriends.  Share your thoughts!

[JosephineG517648]

How do I start post?  I can't find the New Message button!  Thanks.

[st18688804]

My best friend (My husband) passed away almost five years ago, and then all of my other friends left (which means they weren't true friends), anyway I would love to have a best friend again, I was close to my former Pastors wife, however, we drifted apart when they moved,

I don't even have anyone to go have coffee with (I really miss this activity), I do have coffee with my mom every Sunday morning on the phone, and we really enjoy catching up with each other.

Being connected with people is important, and we don't need a "best friend" per se.

Shari 

[ChristineH635132]

Shari, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it is to lose your husband.  Many people have a hard time knowing what to say, or how to act when a person suffers a loss such as yours.  So they do or say nothing.  This is more about their insecurities. Sounds like you are connected to a church.  Is there a grief support group where you attend? Talking with others who have suffered loss could possibly help.  Volunteering and helping others could be a way to make you feel connected, and find like-minded people that could help you rebuild a support network of friends.  Take care Shari, you got this!  Christine

[st18688804]

Christine,

  Sorry for the tardy reply, Anyhow I understand people don't know what to say when you suffer a loss, it was still a shock though, you know. Anyhow, I'm not with a church anymore, the new pastor seems to not want older people at the church, and there isn't a grief support group or a senior ministry. I am in the process of trying to find a new church, although attending virtually isn't really a great way to connect with others. I have tried groups on Facebook that are for widows and widowers, it seems all they care about is dating and getting remarried (not interested in either). I am also looking for a volunteer opportunity, again with this current Pandemic it makes it hard. When the time is right everything will fall into place it always does. 

Shari

[ChristineH635132]

Shari, It is a shock ( and very hurtful ) when those who claim to be a friend disappear when you need a friend to reach out.  I am sorry that they treated you in that manner.  A few years ago I joined a book club ( for the first time ).  I 've really enjoyed that experience.  Some are participating through zoom.  If you enjoy reading, you might be able to find a group through your local library.  I'm able to request books online through my library and can pick them up during certain hours.  Christine

[st18688804]

I love to read!  I will look and see if I am able to find a book club. I did join a group on Meetup for a bible study. I do enjoy that I am able to get books from my local library ( I do miss holding the book though, my Kindle just is the same as physically turning the pages).

[ChristineH635132]

I think one of the best ways to make/find new friends is to become a community volunteer.  You can often find people who share your interests.

[st18688804]

I start volunteering this Thursday, reading this post got me motivated to take that step. 

[ChristineH635132]

Shari, That's awesome!  So proud of you for taking that leap of faith!  What kind of work will you be doing?  Christine

[BethS415196]

It took me a looooong time to find close girlfriends, including my best friend. But it finally happened when I was in my mid-forties, & - about five years down the road now - I couldn’t be happier. They’re the sisters I always wanted (I don’t have any biologically related sisters). We all keep in close touch. My best friend & I work in different departments at the same place, have lunch together almost every week, & frequently get together & text or call outside of work, too. Even though she’s 13 years older than I am, we think sooooo much alike & have tons of stuff in common. Our few differences are things that either complement each other or don’t make a difference. We each know that we can always count on the other to be there through the good, the bad, & the neutral. It was worth waiting all those years to find her!

[alexandbob]

My best friend and I always said we were the peanut butter to the other's jelly.  Also, we stuck together like glue and paper.  Now, happily, we have been the best of friends (even though we are miles apart now) for 70 years!  I cannot imagine not having her in my life.  We now enjoy cruising and vacationing with each other and our husbands as much as we can.

[jerrycee11]

Hi,

How can I add my comments to this community?  This would be the first time I have ever "talked" to anyone in an online site.  Any help you can give would be most appreciated.

Thank you, Jerry

[RosemaryF433825]

Well jerrycee11, it appears that you just DID!!  You have arrived!  And your post showed up.  So it looks like you are on your way.  If you want to add something to someone's comment, just click on the "reply" word at the end of their post.  Then go under the box you are writing in and find the word "reply" in its own little box and click on that.  

[JanetC346759]

The female best friends in my life have all betrayed me in one way or another. I have been a better friend to my friends than they have to me. Maybe I have not chosen my friends well. My male friends have been more loyal. And of course, my dogs.

[StaceyW645765]

I agree with you about much of what you've said. I've had similar experiences with female & male friends.

[RosemaryF433825]

Strange how that happens, isn't it?  The fact that friends of the opposite sex can be more loyal and trustworthy than members of your own sex.

I don't know what it is exactly.  Some kind of female jealousy or rivalry?  A contest of wills?

I've found being more dependent on yourself may be the best way to avoid that.  I have a handful of VERY close and loyal female friends.  But strange as it may sound, we don't do like "girls weekends" or talk to each other even every month.  It's just that knowledge that we can count on each other...without having to clarify it. 

So I have more "acquaintances" than anything.  And I would say I know them a whole lot better than they know me, too.

[ChristineK869114]

Same here.  I feel my expectations in a friendship are reasonable.    Unfortunately, my past friendships eventually lacked mutual respect, integrity, dependability, trust, and they were unable to keep secrets.  I’ve learned to accept I will always have many female acquaintances without true friendship.  I also have a dog😊

[StaceyW645765]

Wow! I share your feelings.

[RosemaryF433825]

What people tell me, I keep in confidence because I figure if they respected me enough to tell me, I should respect them enough not to tell anyone else.  

I'm not the gossiping type.  I mean why do I need to know if someone is stepping out on their spouse, or how many times someone's been married,  or what family's teen got pregnant?  

I've actually quit clubs I once belonged to because I couldn't stand the gossip... even quit one as late as last year.  Ugh!!

[ChristineH635132]

Rosemary, Bravo girl! People do like to gossip.  It makes their own lives seem better.  I admire you for not contributing to that kind of stuff.  ... and you know if they are gossiping TO you about someone else, they are surely gossiping ABOUT you too.  Who needs that in their lives? Christine

[ip3285]

I don't have one person that I consider my best friend, but I have several close girlfriends.  One is my younger cousin who lives in another state, but we email each other every day without fail.  Another is a young woman that I met when we were members of the local garden club about 15 years ago.  I was the president and she was a new member.  I needed a volunteer to help with a project and she immediately raised her hand.  We've been good friends ever since and email each other sometimes several times a day.  Then there are my pen pals from other countries with whom I've been corresponding for many years.  Let me not forget my husband with whom I run and walk daily, and we can tell each other anything.  Last, there's my large German Shepherd who just stuck his head under my arm as if to say 'it's time to feed me and my Labrador sister our dinner'.  What would I do without them?  Friends come in all ages, shapes, forms, and species!  I treasure them all.

[LdyBGemini]

I have 1 best friend that I live near and another one in another state, I'm blessed with some other girlfriends.

They have been there for me through 2 divorces, can't say enough about them.

[2Papa]

I have a number of girlfriends that caused my two divorces.

[ip3285]

Next time marry only one woman at a time, unless you got a 2 for 1 divorce rate!

[UpperHandsPiano]

I'm immensely grateful for my local best friend. We started our friendship in a New Wave band in the 1980s, then had our kids together in the 90s, and have shared so much history since then. We walk together (with masks) every other morning and support each other and help each other solve our problems. I have other great friends in other cities, but when close friends can see each other consistently, they can help lower anxiety, and help us to grow into our best selves. My best friend is my best therapy! 

[angeleyes64]

I have had a best friend for 50 years now. She has been loyal and always there when I needed her. When our daughter was killed she was one or almost the only one who stuck by me. Many are afraid to be around someone who has lost a child. Luckily she was also my daughter's God Mother and remembers her birthday and death date. Before the pandemic, we went out to lunch almost every month. It was funny we didn't find out we have the same birthday until we were friends for about 10 years. 

I also have a good GF in South Carolina but being far away we can only communicate by e/mail or phone but have been friends for 30 years.  I visited her a few years back but  I am too sick to travel by plane any more, she lives alone and can't seem to afford to travel to see me.   I miss her very much. 

[RosemaryF433825]

Gosh....I'm so very sorry about your daughter being killed!  How very tragic and heartbreaking!

I am not afraid to be around anyone who has lost some family member, no matter the situation.

IMO, everyone should be remembered and their life celebrated.  Again, I'm very sorry.