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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Good morning, djsage!  

 

I know how deeply hurt you are right now.   I know the feeling of loss and "being"  lost in a world in which the love of your heart  is no longer present.  I know how hollow inside you must be.  So I must say to you,  feel whatever you  feel to the fullest.   Don't  try  to hold your feelings in or strive to be "strong"  for others or for appearance sake.   You have experienced one of the most traumatic things that happens in life--the death of a "life" partner.   And now you are going "through" a major period which and after thirty years of togethernes, your singular existence is bound to be life altering ....and it will be.  So you MUST allow you to feel "you!"  If you feel the welling up within, release and let the tears flow.  Tears are a way of letting go and releasing the hurt/the pain.  If you pray,  pray.  If you want to talk to your beloved, do so.  If you have trusted and supportive family or friends,  share with them how you feeling.  Lean on them for support.  In other words,  don't go it alone if you can help it.  And if you come to a point,  where you think you're not clearing the hurtle to wholeness,  maybe then you might consider seeking some professional help or support.

 

Just know that what you are going through now is a process and it will take time.  But also know, you are being thought of and even prayed for.   I  know, djsage,  because I am doing so right now!

 

Be well.

Lydia

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Message 2 of 16

Thanks, Lydia. This has really tested my strength. I am still lost without him. 

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Message 3 of 16

Thanks very much, Lydia. This has really tested my strength. I am feeling so lost without him. 

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Message 4 of 16

Dear djsage,

I  just  want to say to you how sorry I am about your loss.  I  know it has now been a few months since you lost the love of your life and I know it takes time to grieve and to heal.  But today, I just want you to know that "someone" out here in the AARP family, wishes well and comfort always and in all ways.

Lydia

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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I have lived alone for the past 20 years, and wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m a very independent 74-year old retiree and value the freedom living alone affords me.  I was married for almost 15 years before divorcing in 1993. I raised my two children, worked until I retired in 2009, and now enjoy my children and four grandchildren.  

I have a number of friends who feel as I do.  After the death of their husbands, they have resolved to stay single. Like you, I enjoy not having the responsibility for anyone except myself.  

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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I divorced in 1972 when my sons were still in elementary school.  They stayed with me, so I spent my time working at three jobs to support us, two of which I could take them with me when they weren't in school.  When they got old enough to live on their own, I was alone with my two dogs.  I went to work (only one job), had lots of friends, was involved in sports, a music group, and social activities, and my house was always neat and clean the way I like it.  No one to cause problems, no one to answer to, and no one to mess up my house.  25 years after my divorce I met a man with whom I thought I'd like to spend the rest of my life, and two years late we married.  Now my house is a mess, my time isn't my own, and things are too "different".  Yes, living alone has it's advantages for an independent, self-sufficient person!  If you're alone and happy, don't ruin it!

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Approximately 2 months ago, my significant other, 30 year soul mate, was killed by a hit and run while on his bicycle. So, I'm forced to be alone. Our bucket list, set to begin next year after retirement, will go unfulfilled. To go from having future plans, and direction in ones life, to this is unbearable, unbelievable, & lonely. Needless to say, the direction of my, and his, life is changed forever. 💔😰

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Message 8 of 16

I forgot to add that I have the sweetest, 4 legged fuzzy friend (and the smartest) to keep me company.  She is my caregiver (maintains a vigil beside my bed at night) and lets me know when someone is at the door even before they ring the doorbell.  She is a comfort, a companion and someone I can tell my troubles to........I have had many of these types of friends in my life and I have treasured every one of them......I am blessed.

I too have friends from my childhood and my adulthood that I treasure.  We keep in touch and I am so sad when one leaves our group.  I pray for everyone to have a happy heart because that will keep them going until they cannot go anymore.

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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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I have seldom found one to be the loneliest number, because you can visit who you like, when you like and for how long you like. I have a large number of friends from early childhood to new ones, and we all get together at least once a year and in smaller groups as frequently as possible through out the year. We also take care of each other when needed and celebrate special days. The loneliest number I have ever experienced is two or more. To sit in a room with one person or any other number of folks can be extremely lonely. Not to connect, be interested in or ignored can be brutal, in which case I would seek being alone. Another draw back to living with someone is being subjected to their wants and needs and I am not talking about sharing or being compassionate. My biggest complaint is having my needs always put last. To me living with someone else, even if you adore them, is more difficult as we age than dealing with being alone. i am not fearful or scared. The house has an excellent security system, I have years of training with protective devises and I'm not afraid to use them.
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Re: One Is the Quirkiest Number; The Freedom, and Perils, of Living Alone

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Message 10 of 16

I have a very dear friend who is afraid to live alone.  She has seen me living alone happily for six years and cannot understand why I'm not afraid.  I am in a gated, over 50 community of my peers, who for the most part live my same lifestyle.  We have many, many choices as to what to do every day, but if you don't feel like doing anything, you can chill out.  If I don't feel like cooking, I have popcorn for dinner (and I found out I'm not the only one who does this).  We look out for each other, so we never feel alone or neglected.  I realize how lucky I am, but I am very happy even as I approach the inevitable end of the road......but I've had a great ride!!!!  My advice?  Just have a happy heart and it will take you anywhere you want to go.....

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