Tell Congress to stop Rx greed and cut prescription drug prices now! Here’s how.

Reply
Treasured Social Butterfly
2
Kudos
2996
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,996 Views
Message 61 of 73

@SassiLady - I hope that your screen name means that you're resilient, and continue to enjoy life, despite the situation you're in.

 

Yours isn't the first story I've heard about a parent being encouraged to move in with an adult child's family, where things didn't pan out the way they expected. When a widowed friend-of-a-friend sold her house, she gave her married child a big chunk of the money to "modify" their home, to create an suite for her. A non-driver, she moved from a walkable neighborhood in which she knew everyone after living there 40 years, to a car-required suburb, where she was alone all day while her child & their spouse worked, and her grandchildren were in school. She was expected to do the housekeeping & laundry, and then mind the spoiled children, until their parents came home.

 

It's an unfortunate object lesson for everyone else to note. No matter how much we love family members, and thing they respect & love us too, it's wise to run these sort of big dollar/life affecting options by an attorney .. even if it costs some money for their expertise. Getting unbiased alternatives to help us make good decisions, and having the documentation to protect us, is worth the investment!


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
2996
Views
Respected Social Butterfly
1
Kudos
2952
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,952 Views
Message 62 of 73

@ASTRAEA

Not an option, it's a long story, my mom would say "you made your bed, now you must lie in it". I am a 15-20 min drive to doctors, shopping etc. I pray every day that I can still drive myself and also asking Him to help me make the decision to move in with my youngest son and his wife, who have asked me. Right now I am living with my oldest and his female partner. They go their own way and I go mine. She is not sociable to me and if I had known how she was and her "issues" I would not be here. I paid for our place and put my son's name on it for reasons of making it simpler if anything happened to me. I wanted to save him the rent/mortgage as I knew it would be difficult for him financially. Now I am stuck in a situation that I cannot change, at least not immediately. I have told him that he lied to me by 'omission'. Which of course he denies. Well if he had been up front with me I would not be here now.

Right now I am dealing with a bunch of health issues and hoping they can come up with what is wrong with me soon. Perhaps then I will be able to make a decision.

 

Enough of my venting.  How are you doing. I miss the stories so guess I need to go search them out. Thanks for your interest.

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
2952
Views
Treasured Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
2956
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,956 Views
Message 63 of 73

@SassiLady - I think there's a place where AARP put their tips on how to use Online Community, but it's not easy to find without searching, and I also think everything's just listed randomly, which makes it very time-consuming. Smiley Sad

 

Any chance you could move closer or into a town? Might be better to do it before inertia sets in.


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
2956
Views
Respected Social Butterfly
4
Kudos
2959
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,959 Views
Message 64 of 73

@ASTRAEA

 

Oh wow! I got to this topic in a round-about way and glad now I did as this tip was great. I have been trying to figure out how to do this since they changed things, again.

I also have relocated for a second time and live in a rural area. In two years I haven't made any friends here and though I have always loved living alone I do need some social life. Alas! I don't see it happening. 

Report Inappropriate Content
4
Kudos
2959
Views
Treasured Social Butterfly
2
Kudos
2979
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,979 Views
Message 65 of 73

@nelsjm - Although you may click "reply" to a specific post, there's nothing automatically put into your response that identified the post or person to whom you're writing! Whenever there are multiple people posting to a thread, the best things to do if you are responding to a specific post/person, is to start with @theirname. As soon as you type the @, you'll get a drop-down list with the others participating in the discussion, and you can click on the one you want .. and don't have to worry about misspelling their screen name.

 

I've been involved with numerous organizations over the years, and they often don't have the best system of communications, nor are they very organized .. especially the small ones. If they have a website, responding to the "contact us" feature may not be assigned to a single person, and whoever reads it, doesn't necessarily pass the names of volunteers on to the right person. It may be worth a phone call .. or it can tell you whether you want to belong to a disorganized group or not, even if they do support a good cause. And yes, sometimes it can be very cliquish!


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
2979
Views
Conversationalist
5
Kudos
2811
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,811 Views
Message 66 of 73

I agree and thanks for your reply.  I am currently exploring some volunteer opportunities too.  It is amazing to me that even when I join groups and offer up my time, that often the leadership of the group does not take me up on the offer.  Even volunteer groups are a bit clique-ey and hard to break into the inner circle.  I thought that ended in high school!  Apparently not.

A new group is forming in my community to support the trail system and I think I am getting in on the ground floor, so maybe I will have better opportunity to meet like minded individuals and make a difference about something I care about strongly.

 

Jypsy Janet
Report Inappropriate Content
5
Kudos
2811
Views
Conversationalist
3
Kudos
2813
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,813 Views
Message 67 of 73

Thanks for your reply.  Your situation sounds very similar to mine and reassures me that I am not such an odd ball after all!

 

I don't feel unhappy with my current situation, but do wonder if I can sustain it in the long run.  Thanks again!

Jypsy Janet
Report Inappropriate Content
3
Kudos
2813
Views
Treasured Social Butterfly
1
Kudos
2716
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,716 Views
Message 68 of 73

I live close to my family and I do a lot of things with them, but like you most of my friend socializing is through work. After I retire I will look for more person involvement in volunteering.  If I relocate which I may I will face the same issues as you.  

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
2716
Views
Treasured Social Butterfly
2
Kudos
2705
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,705 Views
Message 69 of 73

Hi Janet, I can relate to your situation! I've lived on my own since the early 1980s .. about 35 years, and am happy with that arrangement. I've lived in a few suburbs in NJ, within commuting distance to NYC, where I worked. Because most of the employees were scattered, none of my work friends lived close enough to me, to socialize regularly. Before I moved to the shore, I thought my current location had more singles > 55, but 95% of the people I know are married, and even the the widows/divorcees are involved with children & grandchildren.

 

I'm an introvert, and am happier with a few very good friends, than a large posse of them (or "squad"). I wouldn't want to live in an isolated area though, because I do enjoy the theater, and attend a show at some regional venue about once a month. I've been involved in various organizations, but outside of their activities, there are very few who've become personal good buddies.

 

I like living in a single family home, rather than a development with restrictions. I would definitely consider downsizing, if I could find a place in a thriving downtown area, with everything in walking distance .. if such a place exists in NJ.


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
2705
Views
Conversationalist
2
Kudos
2365
Views

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

2,365 Views
Message 70 of 73

I have not totally discounted the notion of moving.  I have to find the energy to do so though.  Selling your home, keeping it "perfect" for the showings...packing up and moving...that takes lots of energy.  I am working up to that I think and maybe needing to move closer to my sister and her family or looking at an over 55 community as another possibility. 

Thank you for the story...it helps to know that others have worked through this successfully.

Jypsy Janet
Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
2365
Views