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Gold Conversationalist

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 41 of 62

@ASTRAEAOoooohhh, did you just bring up my most annoying peeve (single pay penalty) about being a Single Independent (one income source)?  I have experienced every situation you mentioned and every time I get a notice about a volunteer/donation opportunity I ask about the single penalty.  I either get a prepackaged response that doesn't offer any options or my request is totally ignored.

My recent cruise to Asia on the Celebrity only happened because I repeatedly requested a "Single" stateroom.  Since I was meeting up with a large group of seniors, the tour agent got me an excellent price for the three-week trip.  But, as you know, I got lucky!  Apparently, more and more cruise companies are recognizing the increased demand by single travelers.  Single staterooms are being offered, but demand is so intense that they are snapped up quickly.

 

I think our best option may be to create our own volunteer experience with a group of our own making.  Although I like to get dirty when I travel--the jungles of Guatemala and the interior of Belize is still my all-time favorite eco-trip--I don't want to feel like an indentured servant who is worked to the point of exhaustion where I feel too tired to enjoy the "experience".

 

I'd like to experience working on a farm or ranch where room and board is included or help someone set up a food co-op or community farmer's market or even help create support services for seniors living in rural areas.  The challenge is connecting with people who are comfortable with strangers staying in their home or on their property.  I have learned that most people who prefer rural life also are not particularly comfortable around a lot of people--that is why they choose rural living.  

 

Free labor that pays a nominal fee for room and board for a short period of time sounds like a great idea to me.  What do you think?

Fey Lady
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Gold Conversationalist

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 42 of 62

@SassiLady, @ASTRAEA, Sassi, don't be so hard on yourself!  If you hadn't made the decision to move in with your older son, you would never have known what was going on with him and his wife.  At least now you know, and you can still figure out your next move.  At least you are not forever stuck there; you have options!

 

Forgive yourself for being a loving and supportive PARENT.

 

 

Fey Lady
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Respected Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 43 of 62

@Calhounwoman

@ASTRAEA

I seem to still be stuck in the same old place. Unfortunately many health issues are keeping me busy, hmm, I would rather be doing things with friends, of which I have none in this area.

 

I am busy seeing doctors and having tests and we have made some progress but not as much as I would want.

 

I am still thinking of moving in with my youngest son and his wife but want to try and get my health issues settled before I have to go changing doctors since they live 250 miles from where I am, but in the same state. I stayed with them when I first moved here and they insisted they take me everywhere they went and my dil took me every where she went when my son was at work. I should have listened to him when he told me to keep my money in the bank and use it for myself. I know that she will be there for me to drive me when I can't drive myself any longer etc. She has been great. On the other hand the one I am living with thinks I can do things when it is convenient for him to take me if I can't drive myself. Stupid, stupid son and can't believe I raised him. Certainly not like this. Forget his partner as she does not like me. She thinks I should buy things for the house to save him money and all that while she sulks and pouts like a spoiled teenager until she gets what she wants whether he can afford it or not. I also firmly believe that she was NOT raised to do any type of housework at all. I am not obsessive but on the other hand I do not like living with a slob. Sorry but I had to vent.

 

All in all I am surviving and keeping my sense of humor about everything. I wish my youngest had been more forceful in what he said to me and also wish that I had had more interaction on this site before I made the stupid decisions that I made. Oh well they never promised us that we would get smarter as we got older.

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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 44 of 62

@Calhounwoman - I have considered going on a "volunteer vacation", but it bothers me that you live in spartan quarters, work hard at least 1/2 or 3/4 of the time you're there .. but you pay more for that "experience", than if you went on a conventional trip & stayed at a nice resort!

 

I've also considered going with a special interest group, like the Audubon Society, Smithsonian, or one of the classical music stations, but the price of their trips is prohibitive. They say they get special guest speakers, and get the group into places not normally open to tourists, and part of the price is a "donation" to the organization. I don't like when a "donation" is mandated like that. Oh, and they generally have a 30% extra charge for singles.


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Gold Conversationalist

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 45 of 62

@SassiLady,Hi, SassiLady! I just stumbled on this topic and wanted to know how are you doing.  

 

Are able to use any senior support services in your area/community?  Is AARP in your area?

 

 

 

 

Fey Lady
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 46 of 62

@nelsjm, Hi Jypsy Janet!  As the oldest of 6, and as a teenager,  it was an eye opening life lesson to experience loneliness (isolation) in a house full of people.  I don't wish that kind of loneliness on anyone.

 

Do you plan on doing some type of volunteer nursing during retirement? Would you consider starting an annual excursion experience with like minded single nursing peers?  There must be other single nurses your age at other workplaces--connect with them.  Do you belong to any professional nursing organizations? Great way to meet new people with something in common; making new connections now, with a couple of people will make it easier when you do retire.

 

I have never married or concieved (on pupose).  Since retiring a little over two years ago, I haven't had time to be lonely.  As another poster mentioned, everyone seems to demand more of your time; it's as if my retirement is their retirement. "No" has become a very useful and effective recurring mantra for me.

 

I keep engaged by doing what I've always done:  write, volunteer, travel, take courses of interest, etc.  It's easy for me to meet people, but I prefer to keep my circle of confidants very small--less drama that way.

 

My most challenging retirement lifestyle learning curve has been to accept that my idea of what aging looks like is not in line with that of some of my family members, friends, and former peers.  I have actually had to disassociate from some of them because they were simply too old in their mindset. My 60 is not my Mom's or my Grammy's.  I will be "too old to be doing that" soon enough...but in my own way and my own time.

 

Let me know what you decide to do.

 

 

Fey Lady
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Trusted Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

1,350 Views
Message 47 of 62

@pvdugas  Welcome!  It's very nice to see a new face and read a very positive and life-affirming post.  I noticed you have also posted on the genealogy thread here as well.  We look forward to seeing you on the other AARP discussion forums as you explore the various topics that interest you.

 

Please feel free to create a new topic here if you have a subject you'd like to explore with other singles.

 

If you'd like to respond to a particular poster, please use the @ sign and a drop-down menu will show up at the bottom of the dialogue box.  It will contain the names of the members who have already posted on a thread.  Highlight the name of the person you are responding to and it will show up in red...just as your name appears at the beginning of this post.  This will simultaneously alert that poster that you've mentioned them in a post.  That increases the chances that you will receive a response.

 

We hope you enjoy your conversations and the time you spend here!

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Conversationalist

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 48 of 62
I can relate a little! I've been single for awhile. . I date but I enjoy living alone. I have a very full life with work and socializing with my friends. Volunteering is GREAT but it can have drawbacks as well. Once they know that you're single they think you don't have a life and your phone tends to ring a lot. You have to learn to say no sometimes. I like giving back. I've raised funds for causes, I'm a Project leader for the United Way, Find a cause that you believe in and give it your all. Someone stated breaking in sometimes be difficult. This is very true. There are cliques in volunteering but in time you'll find like-minded people who you'd enjoy away from volunteering. I wish you the best.
That which you attempt to control...controls you - Iyanla Vanzant
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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

1,679 Views
Message 49 of 62

ASTRAEA wrote:

@SassiLady - I hope that your screen name means that you're resilient, and continue to enjoy life, despite the situation you're in.

 

Yours isn't the first story I've heard about a parent being encouraged to move in with an adult child's family, where things didn't pan out the way they expected. When a widowed friend-of-a-friend sold her house, she gave her married child a big chunk of the money to "modify" their home, to create an suite for her. A non-driver, she moved from a walkable neighborhood in which she knew everyone after living there 40 years, to a car-required suburb, where she was alone all day while her child & their spouse worked, and her grandchildren were in school. She was expected to do the housekeeping & laundry, and then mind the spoiled children, until their parents came home.

 

It's an unfortunate object lesson for everyone else to note. No matter how much we love family members, and thing they respect & love us too, it's wise to run these sort of big dollar/life affecting options by an attorney .. even if it costs some money for their expertise. Getting unbiased alternatives to help us make good decisions, and having the documentation to protect us, is worth the investment!


Good points!!  

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 50 of 62

@SassiLady - I hope that your screen name means that you're resilient, and continue to enjoy life, despite the situation you're in.

 

Yours isn't the first story I've heard about a parent being encouraged to move in with an adult child's family, where things didn't pan out the way they expected. When a widowed friend-of-a-friend sold her house, she gave her married child a big chunk of the money to "modify" their home, to create an suite for her. A non-driver, she moved from a walkable neighborhood in which she knew everyone after living there 40 years, to a car-required suburb, where she was alone all day while her child & their spouse worked, and her grandchildren were in school. She was expected to do the housekeeping & laundry, and then mind the spoiled children, until their parents came home.

 

It's an unfortunate object lesson for everyone else to note. No matter how much we love family members, and thing they respect & love us too, it's wise to run these sort of big dollar/life affecting options by an attorney .. even if it costs some money for their expertise. Getting unbiased alternatives to help us make good decisions, and having the documentation to protect us, is worth the investment!


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