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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 1 of 73

My take on this:

I am 50ish and alone, live by myself, single, not dating, but I never feel like am alone.  A few years ago, I went through a period when, like others, I felt social isolation but I turned to prayer, surrendered myself and asked God to do whatever he wanted with my life because I was tired of trying.  I willed and taught myself to trust God, and stopped trying to control my life the way I wanted it to go.  That was the turning point in my life.  I had applied for other jobs as well that I was well qualified for, went to the interviews and yet 'others' got the jobs.  I heard people around me always talking about hating their jobs, but I learnt to think about my job as just a job, having realized that my life was much bigger than my job.  I focused on the fact that I came to this planet alone, butt naked, with absolutely nothing, and so felt I did not need to worry about being alone.  I found a great church and learnt the things that I did not know growing up Catholic.  I am still alone, but I do not worry about it because I know I am where God wants me to be.  All I have to do is pray, and God works miracles in my life every day.  From the smallest things in my life, to crises situations, I am delivered as soon as I pray.  I pray for people and they get help.  It has nothing to do with me because I do not know anything.  I just live my life as a good, humble, child of God.  I want to believe, and I may be wrong, that even those who do not believe in religion also find ways to pray, and I encourage those who feel alone or loneliness to pray about it and the 'negative' things in their life and let it go!  It works for me and I don't see why not you.     

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 2 of 73

Nope, it's not just competition. It's age discrimination. They want younger, less experienced, CHEAPER people, so whether it's age discrimination or "wage discrimination", an older, more experienced mature worker will be passed over in favor of the 30-year old one. Even people in their 40s are reporting they are starting to experience it. For someone who makes an average wage, I don't know how they could think of supporting a  40 to 50+ years' long involuntary retirement.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 3 of 73

Hi, Janet. Thanks for your comment. If you are looking for guys who like being outdoors, you ought to try Colorado. I get the impression that 98% of the guys here spend at least 98% of their free time outside (that probably includes winter when it's snowing, since that's ski time). So many of them say they love the outdoors that I think sometimes that they're making it up since they must spend some of their time grocery shopping, doing laundry and other household chores that most single people spend time doing. The other thing they say they do is "enjoy a glass of wine in front of the fire", meaning that 98% of guys in Colorado have fireplaces, too. They don't read much because they don't have time or interest in that but if it's outdoors-loving wine lovers you want, Colorado is full of that.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 4 of 73

Dear KT1909,

 

We are kindred spirits!  I am the person who started this thread originally.  I too work long hours and have a long commute, plus a house and yard to keep up and by the end of my work days have no desire to get out and do much.  I do fill my days off with lots of activity.  I have a small group of friends and try to make at least 2 or 3 "dates" with these girlfriends each month.   I volunteer a bit, but my schedule at work is not Monday-Friday, and my days off vary from week to week so it is hard to find volunteer opportunities that fit around my schedle. I find that I would more naturally just prefer to be alone or maybe I am just too lazy to make the effort.  But I do enjoy being alone.  I love to read, hike, bike, camp, kayak and these are all activities that can be done solo.  

I am also trying to date the opposite sex, but am not very successful on dating sites either.  I go in spurts, trying, but then decide that it is too much work.  I can't believe that I can't find a guy who likes the outdoors like I do?  

And last, I so agree with your feelings of discrimination in the workplace.  I work in a HUGE organization, have all the right experience, degrees and great evaluations but I cannot get an interview for a different position.  In 3 years I have applied for over 20 positions that I was totally qualified for and have gotten only 1 interview.  I find it hard to believe that it is competition versus discrimination...

Janet

Jypsy Janet
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 5 of 73

@kt1909 wrote:

. . . . Why am I working so many hours? You mean why am I working full time, 40 hours a week? Nobody will TELL you it's age discrimination but most older job-seekers will concur that the older job seeker is either told they have "too much experience for the position" or are just told "we went with another candidate".


As differing from "not enough experience" or just told " we went with another candidate" when younger applying for a 1st or early job.

 

It's competition - not discrimination. 

* * * * It's Always Something . . . Roseanne Roseannadanna
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 6 of 73

Why am I working so many hours? You mean why am I working full time, 40 hours a week? Pretty much for the same reason lots of people do. For the income which I need in order to support myself and pay my bills.
Doing menial tasks because that's the work I'm assigned to be doing. Feel sidelined because I'm usually only assigned menial tasks.

I don't know if you've looked for a job at age 60+, but it's not easy even to get an interview if you have a long career of experience and if you do manage to get an interview, you are frequently/usually passed over. Nobody will TELL you it's age discrimination but most older job-seekers will concur that the older job seeker is either told they have "too much experience for the position" or are just told "we went with another candidate".

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 7 of 73

You say you aren't lonely but you worry you are isolating. Is there anything about your lifestyle habits that concern you? (that make you think you are isolating?)

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 8 of 73

@kt1909 - Why are you working such long hours, if you're doing menial tasks & feel sidelined?

 

 


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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 9 of 73

Maybe possible but at best I could only spare maybe a couple hours a week. I work 10-hour days and then take care of my house and dogs and use weekends for things like grocery shopping, laundry and other things that I'm generally too worn out to do after a 10 hour day and a commute (I'm gone from the house 11½ hours a day so during the work week I don't have much free time or energy).

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 10 of 73

@kt1909 - Why not start volunteering a little now, and getting to know the people & atmosphere at the place(s) you select. If you're not comfortable, try a different place.


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