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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 11 of 73

I am still working full time but feel I'm being "backwatered" and overlooked for all but simple, repetitive and fairly mindless tasks at work. I don't get a lot of interaction with others in my work and I live alone since I'm no longer caregiving for my ex-husband who has moved into a memory care facility about a year and a half ago. I'm an introvert so I don't need constant stimulation or companionship but there are still times when I wish I just had somebody to talk to or do something with once in a while.

The last year with my ex was bad; he almost never talked to me except to phone me once in a while to drop everything and come deal with some kind of problem he was having, so it was stressful. Now, minus the stress, I'm feeling less on-edge, but having nothing but quiet time by myself is getting to be too much. I think I'd be "too old" to be considered if I applied for a different job at this point and am not sure how I will address isolation when I either decide to quit working or am terminated since the importance of what I do at work is so diminished. I intend to work part time and/or volunteer at that point, but I think we all know how intentions go when they come in contact with "the real world" - sometimes things don't run according to my plans. Smiley Wink

I tried online dating sites for about a year, and unless you have self-esteem made of steel, that made me feel like I have something seriously wrong with me that no one ever amounted to more than two dates and the few people who asked for my phone number promptly ghosted me as soon as I gave it to them. I wouldn't recommend it.

I have no children or family members and see a few friends occasionally but the great bulk of my time is spent alone.

 

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 12 of 73

@m907706g, @nyadrn, You took the words right out of my mouth regarding the car service and senior center. When I lived in NY State there was a handful of seniors that volunteered their time to take others where they could no longer take themselves. Fortunately I did not need this help and am still driving myself at the age of 79. No idea though how long I shall be able to do so.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 13 of 73

m907706g wrote:

This site gives me so much "insight" if you'll pardon the pun.  I log in and find out, boy, I'm not the only one.  So far, I've been able to avoid caregiver requirements.  Lucky in that vein.  I have my own car, my own house and everything I need is relatively close by.  Being without a car would be a MAJOR problem.  I've tried to research alternative transportation venues and so far haven't had to rely on any.  When that day comes, and I know it will, I'm going to have to deal with it.

 

I just renewed my licence and I'm turning the big 72 this Friday.  I enrolled in a writing class at a nearby senior center and an AARP driving class.

 

Anyway, have a good '18."  Like my mom used to say, don't take any wooden nickles.


Hi @m907706g    Nice to see you posting.  

Glad to see that you are investigating options for the day when you can no longer drive.  I live in an urban suburb and we have both taxi service and of course now Uber and Lyft.    If I have a day when I need an unexpected ride home from work I can take any of those options or the bus but that is not nearly as convenient.  Maybe you could check with the senior center to see if there is anyone offering car service.  

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 14 of 73
Know what you're saying. I live alone and often wish I could call someone up to chat with. My cat is a poor conversationalist. TV gets old quickly and sometimes a good book helps. Take a short drive to a coffee shop to break up the monotony. Enjoy a caramel iced coffee and a little chit chat with a friendly waitress or two. Pretty much my social life in a nutshell. Kind of works for me though.
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 15 of 73

This site gives me so much "insight" if you'll pardon the pun.  I log in and find out, boy, I'm not the only one.  So far, I've been able to avoid caregiver requirements.  Lucky in that vein.  I have my own car, my own house and everything I need is relatively close by.  Being without a car would be a MAJOR problem.  I've tried to research alternative transportation venues and so far haven't had to rely on any.  When that day comes, and I know it will, I'm going to have to deal with it.

 

I just renewed my licence and I'm turning the big 72 this Friday.  I enrolled in a writing class at a nearby senior center and an AARP driving class.

 

Anyway, have a good '18."  Like my mom used to say, don't take any wooden nickles.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 16 of 73

This site is helping me cope.  My cousins just left for 6 weeks in Australia.  They are my main source of moral support.  I tell my cousin she is so much more functional than I am.  Catching planes and such.  She says, bull.  I say, it's not bull.  I could no more pack and make my way through security to board an airplane, let alone foreign travel.  I would have just as much chance going to Mars.

 

Aside from that, I've decided I'm going to be an informal volunteer in an ARC thrift store.  I've found there are a lot of little things I can do to help organize without any formal acknowledgement of volunteer status. 

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 17 of 73

@ASTRAEA wrote:

@m907706g - I truly empathize with you, as an elderly aunt who lived with me was very hard-of-hearing, and she didn't cope well at all. She refused to get a new hearing aide that might have helped, and then was suspicious that when she couldn't hear, it was because people were whispering about her!

 

If there's any way for you to improve your hearing, it's worth the investment! If not, I almost think it would help to have a nice pin that says "I can't hear you!". Better for people to know why you're not interacting, than to assume you're aloof or anti-social!


I agree @ASTRAEA  my dad was hard of hearing due to the war and his hearing aid did not really help too much and it was so hard for him to be part of a group and contribute.  

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 18 of 73

@m907706g - I truly empathize with you, as an elderly aunt who lived with me was very hard-of-hearing, and she didn't cope well at all. She refused to get a new hearing aide that might have helped, and then was suspicious that when she couldn't hear, it was because people were whispering about her!

 

If there's any way for you to improve your hearing, it's worth the investment! If not, I almost think it would help to have a nice pin that says "I can't hear you!". Better for people to know why you're not interacting, than to assume you're aloof or anti-social!


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 19 of 73

Jypsy,

Love your name.  I don't know if this is too late to chime in but on the subject of loneliness.  I was in a gathering and I could only describe myself as socially awkward at best.  There seemed to be 12 to 14 people and everyone was speaking at once, loudly and rapidly.  The entire evening was almost unendurable and I was so glad when it was finally time to leave.

 

This morning I began searching sites on social ineptness.  Nothing I found was particularly helpful and absolutely nothing was mentioned about what to do if you can't hear.  I can manage to do well with 2 or 3 people but a roomful leaves me entirely copeless.  Is that a word.  Don't think so.

 

These circumstances have occurred several times within the past year or two within the identical acquaintances.  I feel welcomed but so unable to contribute conversation relevant to whatever is being said.  Party atmospheres are spontaneous and if you can't follow along, you are at a real handicap.

 

The situation is clearly embarrassing at best, not only for myself but for other members of the group as well when they pick up on my inability to respond.  The best I can do is beat a hasty retreat, relieved it won't have to be repeated soon.

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Re: Loneliness or alone-ness

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Message 20 of 73

I had a kind of unique situation in a volunteer capacity I was in.  I would read to a vision impaired senior once a week.  The arrangement was I would help him with various things like mail, filing, etc. etc.  To make a long story short. he became an avid supporter of the current administration and I decided I just had enough.

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