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Thanks @ASTRAEA and @nyadrn.  I appreciate your thoughts on the matter because you both consistently give level-headed responses to sensitive situations.  Woman Happy

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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@Prosecco6247 wrote:

@nyadrn wrote:
"I have thought about this.  I used to journal. Did do for years.  Got rid of all of them not long ago.  No reason to leave them.  I am always conscious of what my son will have to handle when I am gone. Hence the decluttering"
@nyadrn
You know, I just thought of something.  My mother died when I was 23 but I was in 40's when my father passed away.  He married a couple more times after he became a widower.  Somewhere in all that time, he began to keep a diary.  
As executor of his will, I had to make a decision about them.  They weren't racy or anything, but he poured out a lot of his feelings and frustrations so there were comments about others that they may have found hurtful or possibly shocked and surprised by the honesty of his feelings.  I decided to burn them because I really couldn't see the value in keeping them around for posterity.  He was very sick when he died and I suspect he would have gotten rid of them himself if he had been well and able to carry out all of his estate-related matters.
When I got back home after a trip to Florida to tie up loose ends.  I mentioned it to a friend of mine and was surprised that he felt I should have saved them for any others in the family who wanted to read them.  I still feel I did the right thing, but I questioned myself for weeks afterward.  I finally got to the point where I felt it was time to let this sleeping dog lie and ceased thinking about it.
My decluttering efforts for myself revolve around making things easier for my children as well.

 


In my humble opinion you did the right thing.  I wrote my journals for myself never wanting or planning to share them.  Anything I wanted to share I would have and will.  Those were not.

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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@Prosecco6247 - I think you did the right thing, with your father's diary! If you believe that he would have destroyed it, had he been able, it doesn't matter if a friend who isn't even a family member thinks that others in the family "might have wanted to read it".


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@nyadrn wrote:
"I have thought about this.  I used to journal. Did do for years.  Got rid of all of them not long ago.  No reason to leave them.  I am always conscious of what my son will have to handle when I am gone. Hence the decluttering"
@nyadrn
You know, I just thought of something.  My mother died when I was 23 but I was in 40's when my father passed away.  He married a couple more times after he became a widower.  Somewhere in all that time, he began to keep a diary.  
As executor of his will, I had to make a decision about them.  They weren't racy or anything, but he poured out a lot of his feelings and frustrations so there were comments about others that they may have found hurtful or possibly shocked and surprised by the honesty of his feelings.  I decided to burn them because I really couldn't see the value in keeping them around for posterity.  He was very sick when he died and I suspect he would have gotten rid of them himself if he had been well and able to carry out all of his estate-related matters.
When I got back home after a trip to Florida to tie up loose ends.  I mentioned it to a friend of mine and was surprised that he felt I should have saved them for any others in the family who wanted to read them.  I still feel I did the right thing, but I questioned myself for weeks afterward.  I finally got to the point where I felt it was time to let this sleeping dog lie and ceased thinking about it.
My decluttering efforts for myself revolve around making things easier for my children as well.

 

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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@Prosecco6247 wrote:

The Strangest Things People Found in Their Parents' Homes After They Died

It's amazing what you can't see hidden inside the walls ...

 

I'll admit I was a little curious to find out what these "things" were.  Turns out that they were mostly of the sort I thought they would be, but it got me to wondering...we're at the age when we are starting to think about what our legacies will be and ultimately what they will say about us.  Does anyone have any stories to share that will provide insight into what our possessions (and where we keep them) will say about us?  Do you have any hidden caches and do you worry you will forget about them?  I will admit to shredding letters from old relationships and a would-be suitor emailed me nude photos I couldn't get off my computer fast enough, but beyond that, it's pretty ordinary.  I confess, I don't want to shock my children and grandchildren, but some people like the idea that Grandma was a racy number and Grandpa had a wild streak!

 

Read more here:

 

http://www.countryliving.com/life/a41756/strange-things-people-found-in-their-deceased-parents-homes...

 

 


I have thought about this.  I used to journal. Did do for years.  Got rid of all of them not long ago.  No reason to leave them.  I am always conscious of what my son will have to handle when I am gone. Hence the decluttering 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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I personally think people should be a little more thoughtful abut what they post online, as far as the impact on family & friends .. even while they're alive! A friend with a nice figure used to post an awful lot of bikini photos, and a few of her good friends cringed .. knowing she had a teenaged son. I haven't seen photos like that more recently. I'm sure all children would love to see flattering photos of their parents/grandparents in their youth, but not so much for those in which they're skimpily clad or au naturel!


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@k397840k wrote:

Kids today have so much knowledge of computers that if there is anything we wouldn't want them to see delete, delete, delete.  Will what's there influence their last words at our funeral?  Or will they remember us lovingly?  Sometimes old hurts surface in families that never heal and kids think of the death of a loved one as a blessing in disguise.  One funeral I attended the wife and mistress were both there!  How embarrassing for the wife.  


Important point and well worth making!  It's interesting how modern-day funerals differ from those of days gone by.  There seems to be a lot of drama nowadays that we would never have seen in the past.  I think it boils down to a matter of respect.  We used to have a reverence for the dead and felt it imperative to remember the finer points of their characters and their lives' achievements as we provided the "proper" send-off through wakes, funerals and memorial services.  Anything of a critical nature was shared in whispers in a quiet corner...if at all.

 

The "mistress" or the "scorned ex-wife" who show up at a funeral generally know that their presence will cause a stir.  Perhaps that's what they are hoping to accomplish.  Just my observation but those unhealed hurts give rise to an anger that trumps grief.  I wonder how they feel after the fact?

 

Nice to see a newcomer posting here.

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Kids today have so much knowledge of computers that if there is anything we wouldn't want them to see delete, delete, delete.  Will what's there influence their last words at our funeral?  Or will they remember us lovingly?  Sometimes old hurts surface in families that never heal and kids think of the death of a loved one as a blessing in disguise.  One funeral I attended the wife and mistress were both there!  How embarrassing for the wife.  

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I have a couple of "racey" pictures, but nothing I'd really be embarassed for anyone to see.

 

My parents dated a long time, before they married, but despite that my father started cheating after Mom got pregnant with me. She warned him, then filed for divorce. She didn't talk about him, but in passing .. nothing bad; he chose to not have any relationship with me at all. After Mom died, I actually found a stash of his letters to her, while they were dating .. maybe it was more private & cheaper than phone calls, for young people who lived with their families. I'm sorry to say that I wouldn't worry about anyone finding them, because they aren't juicy or even romantic .. just mundane & boring. They were written over the course of several summer months, and there was an awful lot about how the Yankees were doing that season! Smiley Sad I am obviously not related to Christian Gray or Anastasia Steele!


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The Strangest Things People Found in Their Parents' Homes After They Died

It's amazing what you can't see hidden inside the walls ...

 

I'll admit I was a little curious to find out what these "things" were.  Turns out that they were mostly of the sort I thought they would be, but it got me to wondering...we're at the age when we are starting to think about what our legacies will be and ultimately what they will say about us.  Does anyone have any stories to share that will provide insight into what our possessions (and where we keep them) will say about us?  Do you have any hidden caches and do you worry you will forget about them?  I will admit to shredding letters from old relationships and a would-be suitor emailed me nude photos I couldn't get off my computer fast enough, but beyond that, it's pretty ordinary.  I confess, I don't want to shock my children and grandchildren, but some people like the idea that Grandma was a racy number and Grandpa had a wild streak!

 

Read more here:

 

http://www.countryliving.com/life/a41756/strange-things-people-found-in-their-deceased-parents-homes...

 

 

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." ~ Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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