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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: When is your child really grown up?

Message 1 of 5

I like @g864381n's response; that's how it worked with my Mom & me, and her entire family. She got divorced when I was still a baby (long before daycare was available), so we moved in with her widowed mother's home, so Mom could go back to work .. but Mom & an unmarried sister still living there supported the household with their income. As soon as I got a job, it was understood that I'd pay "room & board", and every time I got a raise at work, I'd just automatically increase what I paid. When I moved out on my own & wanted to do major projects at home, Mom offered financial support .. but as a loan, so I'd learn to live within my means, stand on my feet & be proud of my independence.


I have a couple of friends who are retired, and have adult "boomerang" children at home. While the initial need was legitimate, I don't think they're doing them any long-term favors, by not sitting down & discussing/developing a gameplan for them to regain financial independence. There are no "milestones" or updates.

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Info Seeker

Re: When is your child really grown up?

Message 2 of 5

My mother once told me that your children are always your babies not matter their age.  One of my sisters when she was in her fifties had to move back in with our mother because she had no job and no other income. I lived with my mother until I was in my thirties, not because I didn't want to move out but because it just worked for both of us.  She was perfectly fine with it. When I got married we offered to let my mother continue to live with us but she chose to move in with one of my sisters. Yes it is called family, we take care of each other however we can. 

My son is 18 and is chomping at the bit to move out on his own.  Never mind the fact that he is still in high school, has no job and could not afford to live on his own.  He is very independent and has done things for himself for a very long time.  Not my doing he just chose to do things for himself.

Your child may be grown up but I do not think they ever stop being your little ones.  You will always worry about them, be there for them and yes have them move back home at some point.  I is just human nature.

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Info Seeker

Re: When is your child really grown up?

Message 3 of 5

Oh, how about when they pro-actively ask what they can do to contribute to the family well-being, or maybe even pro-actively go out and just do it?  Once they assume adult responsibility, they are on their way.

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Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: When is your child really grown up?

Message 4 of 5

Maybe the better question is when does your child quit being your child?  Not being able to handle circumstances beyond your control does not exactly equate immaturity.  Yes, we all make mistakes.  Yes, we married the wrong person.  Yes, we took the wrong job.  But in today's economy the trend of several generations living together does not differ too much from what my parents described their growing up during the depression.  When our daughter called in the middle of the night and said her husband kicked her and the three kids out, we certainly did not tell her to grow up and work it out herself.  In a world that seems to be so self centered, I still think it is possible for family to help each other out with everyone contributing however they can.  Some day we may need help ourselves.  If we would suddenly become homeless, I pray our children don't say...Grow Up!  Work it out yourselves.  I really don't think it is a "Peter Pan" syndrom for most of those households offering their adult children (and many times spouses and grandchildren) to live with them.  A better name for this is called...FAMILY. 

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Community Manager

When is your child really grown up?

Message 5 of 5

There are a lot of kids boomeranging it back home after college.  When do you consider your child grown up?


Great article: http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2016/millennials-living-at-home-mq.html



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