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Message 21 of 986

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.

A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position,

the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow.

I expect him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way

I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl, but I'll take it!"

David Eig
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Message 22 of 986

A man is on trial for stealing an overcoat. The judge went straight to the point.

"Did you steal this man's overcoat?" he demanded.

"No sir," the defendant replied, with a grin. "I was just playing joke on him."

"And where did you take the coat?" asked the judge.

"I removed it from the coat rack in the restaurant and carried it home with me."

"Guilty," snapped the judge.

"Guilty! Guilty of what?" asked the defendant.

"Guilty of carrying a joke too far!"

David Eig
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Message 23 of 986

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Message 24 of 986

STINGY OLD LAWYER

 

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.”

 

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.

His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that old fool,” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.”
Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Message 25 of 986

Chuckle #1

A boy asks his grandad, “Have you seen my pills? They were labelled ‘LSD’?”
His grandad replies, “Forget the pills!

Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?”

 

Chuckle#2

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?”

The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”

The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?”
The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.”
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?”

"WHO DRIVES YOU TO THE BEACH!?" LOL

 

Chuckle #3

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,

“Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”

Little BILLY replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
“Oh?” replied the man. ” Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”
“No” replied Little Billy, “he minded his own business!!”

 

 

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Message 26 of 986

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Message 27 of 986

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Message 28 of 986

Fire Training

At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table.

The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire. "You pull up to a house

and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows

and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?" he asked.

He was expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation,

a condition very dangerous to fire fighters. Instead he heard the following

from one quick wit in the back, "You got the right place!"

David Eig
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Message 29 of 986

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Message 30 of 986

There are three kinds of men in this world...

 

Some remain single and make wonders happen.

 

Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

 

The rest get married and wonder what happened???

David Eig
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