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Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

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Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

 

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Old Age Is A Gift

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant-garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am, and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love.. I will I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old!
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten, and I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say 'no', and mean it.

I can say 'yes', and mean it

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day

I

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Just want to say, even tho I don't vote/"like" on every entry, I enjoy these jokes. Thanks.

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Social Butterfly

Ohhhh this is so very true

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Regular Contributor

Than you Dave. You added one of my favorite sayings.

"I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."

We still miss ole Andy Rooney's wisdom

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Dave,

I just read your post about knees ๐Ÿ˜‚. I had to laugh, because I got a shot in each knee today. Only 4 more to go in each knee.  Thanks for sharing your post with me ๐Ÿ˜Š

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Senior one liners!

 

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Author Unknown

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. George Burns

I donโ€™t want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

Iโ€™ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Andy Rooney

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra. Will Rogers

Iโ€™m at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. P.G. Wodehouse

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner

At my age, flowers scare me. George Burns

Iโ€™m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, Iโ€™ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, โ€˜โ€œAt my age, I donโ€™t even buy green bananas.โ€ Claude Pepper

You know youโ€™re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

Heโ€™s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. George Burns

 

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age โ€” as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller

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Dear Santa,

 

All I want for Christmas is.........

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