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Valued Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 21 of 583

Dear Santa,

 

All I want for Christmas is.........

Image result for senior citizen funnies

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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 22 of 583

Short Jokes / One Liners

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception.

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

When I seen a nun in a wheelchair one thought came to mind. Virgin mobile.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Having sex is like playing cards. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

I'll be spontaneous when I get around to it..

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Valued Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 23 of 583

 

But not I.  When the wrinkles get too deep, there's always a good steam iron.

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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 24 of 583

70789558_3034570739903343_8733878973521461248_n.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 25 of 583

64619256_699854377133989_2004486998257041408_n.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 26 of 583

71114641_858295267905450_3468272622226112512_n.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 27 of 583

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Super Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 28 of 583

 

                     "Turning 55 means

            bending over to pick something up

                  and trying to figure out

                   what else you can do

                while you're down there."

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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 29 of 583

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Valued Social Butterfly
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Re: Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

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Message 30 of 583

Related image

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