Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[DaveMcK]

[cm9889168]

For Those Of Us Born 1925 - 1955

The best years to be born in the history of Earth & we got to experience it all.  Thank God for all the times, the adventures, wars won, technology developed.  Generations after future generations will never experience what we did.  What a generation we turned out to be.

TO ALL THE   
KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE    
1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s !!      
       
First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank - While they were pregnant.     

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.    
     
Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs   
Covered with bright colored lead-based paints.     
       
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors

or cabinets,      
And, when we rode our bikes,      
We had baseball caps,      
Not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.    
       
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.    

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.   
And we weren't overweight.     
WHY?    
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!    
       
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day     
And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scrapsand 

then ride them down the hill, only to find out that

we forgot about brakes. After running into

the bushes a few times, we learned to Solve the problem.

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo and X-boxes.

There were      
No video games,   
No 150 channels on cable,       
No video movies   
Or DVDs,       
No surround-sound or  CDs,           
No cell phones,      
No personal computers,      
No Internet and   
No chat rooms.             
WE HAD FRIENDS      
And we went   
Outside and found them!     
       
We fell out of trees, got cut,       
Broke bones and lost teeth,       
And there were no lawsuits       
From those accidents.   
  
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches,

ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand,   
And no one would call child services to report abuse.    

We ate worms, and mud pies       
Made from dirt, and the worms did   
Not live in us forever.     
        
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,     
22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses,   
made up games with sticks and   
tennis balls, and-although we were   
Told it would happen - we did not put out very many eyes.    
       
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just Walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts       
And not everyone   
Made the team.       
Those who didn't   
Had to learn       
To deal with   
Disappointment.     
       
Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent     
Bailing us out   
If we broke the law 
was unheard of ... 
They actually sided with the law!

These generations have   
Produced some of the best risk-takers,       
Problem solvers, and   
Inventors ever.     
       
The past 60 to 85 years     
Have seen an explosion   
of innovation and new ideas.     
       
We had freedom,   
Failure, success and responsibility,     
and we learned

How to deal with it all.       

 If YOU are One of those born  Between 1925-1955, CONGRATULATIONS!    

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.    
       
While you are at it,   
forward it to your kids,   
so they will know   
how brave and lucky   
their parents were.    
       
Kind of makes you want to run through the house   
with scissors, doesn't it ?       

      
The quote of   the month by  Jay Leno:    

 "With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist 
attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those who prefer to think that God is not    
watching over us....go ahead and delete this.      
For the rest of us…please pass this on.

[LydiaN586309]

Yes, yes, yes @cm9889168 !!!!  You said a mouthful!

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Aging with Humor

Boy she sure has a sense of humor for an "older lady". Hmm, what does THAT mean? Getting older can sometimes mean finding more funny things in life. After all, "I've paid my dues!" "I've raised my kids." "I want to have fun." Aging and getting older should be fun! Aging should include a fun sense of humor!

Observations on Aging

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! My theory on aging is that I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and many of the roads weren't paved.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

"There are many theories of aging. My theory is I'm more awesome."

Elderly Man Thinks Fast

An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man thought for a second and said, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator!'

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

Getting Older Can be Fun - Age with Humor!

As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can't remember them either.

I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started......

"I am having amnesia, dementia, and deja vu, all at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before . . ."

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

You can't stay young forever. That's just a theory, because you can be immature for your entire life.

I live in my own little world. But it's okay --- they know me here.

Forget health food. I'm at the age where I need all the preservatives I can get. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Older Folks Share Their Views

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

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[DaveMcK]

Notice: This topic is open to others posting here!

[DaveMcK]

I want to dedicate this to my wife Mary!

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]