Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[LydiaN586309]

[gordyfl]

[LydiaN586309]

The story I'm about to tell could have gone in the Life Experiences forum just as easily as in the Senior Citizen stories forum because it is true and it happened to me.  But I opted to put it here because I think it is a prime example of what has become my frequent encounters with the proverbial "senior moment."  After  the happening, I texted a message to a friend of mine--recounting the events of the day.  Below is the text message I sent her.  And so it goes......

"Good morning, Gloria!

This is Lydia.  I penned a letter to you for snail mail on this past Thursday.  I have been trying to mail it since then.  With each passing day, something or other interfered with me making it to the post office.  So today (it's now Wednesday of the following week), I decided to make it my mission to get that letter mailed.  And today was the ultimate mishap.

After heading out to mail the letter this morning along with other things, I realized once I got to the gas station that I had forgotten the letter.  So after gassing up the car, I went back home, got the letter off the dining room table where I had placed it so as not to forget it, and headed back out again.  But in my quest to be a multitasker, I grabbed the bag of recycling that needed to go out to the trash all while clutching the keys in one hand and the letter in the other.  So finding myself with three items and only two hands, I thought in my brillance that I would simply put the letter on top of the car while I locked the side door of the house.  Then I carried the bag to the recycling bin and dumped it.  I then came back to my car, got in it, and took off.  Needless to say, it wasn't until I got out of my car at the post office, that I remembered having put the envelop on top of the car.  Of course, it was nowhere to be found.  So I raced back to the house in my effort to find the card.  I hurriedly pulled in the driveway.  I searched the drive.  I searched the street in front of my house.  I searched around the recycling bin.  I searched the grass.  I searched the next door neighbor's yard. (They're probably still wondering what I was doing poking around their hedges in the early morning light.)  Anyway, no card to be found.  

So I backed out of the drive and I headed down the street the same way I had gone originally.  As I rounded the corner to the next block, I saw a small white square in the middle of the street.  I stopped my car, got out, picked up the white square and sure enough it was your card face down in the street.  I raced to the post office, went inside, and dropped it in the box there.  Now that the card is out of my hands, I hope it has a far less treacherous journey to you and makes it in one piece.  Getting that letter to you was like having carried a 9 month preganancy into the 10th month.  It was definitely hard to deliver, but i'm soooo glad it's done!"

Lydia

We both had a really good laugh after all was said and done.  Nothing like those Senior Moments!

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

Yeeeessss!

[LydiaN586309]

Have you noticed lately?

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper?  Groceries are heavier.  And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street has become!  This extension work was apparently done at night!! Very sneaky stuff.  And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the youngsters. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?  I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day, and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.  I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........ Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Several times a week I forget where I was going after I get up from my recliner!

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

SHOES

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.

[DaveMcK]

[LydiaN586309]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a **bleep** sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."  The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[DaveMcK]