Content starts here
CLOSE ×

Search

Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

Reply
Honored Social Butterfly

Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
610,056 Views
1476
Report
1 ACCEPTED SOLUTION
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1697157641346.jpg

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

View solution in original post

68,069 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505081392791.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
2799
Views
7,450 Views
4
Report
Super Contributor

Fire Training

At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table.

The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire. "You pull up to a house

and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows

and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?" he asked.

He was expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation,

a condition very dangerous to fire fighters. Instead he heard the following

from one quick wit in the back, "You got the right place!"

David Eig
0 Kudos
6,773 Views
3
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

Aunty Acid 00003.jpg

6,755 Views
2
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

213237d332325d275889106c61f282d1.jpg

6,796 Views
1
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

Chuckle #1

A boy asks his grandad, โ€œHave you seen my pills? They were labelled โ€˜LSDโ€™?โ€
His grandad replies, โ€œForget the pills!

Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?โ€

 

Chuckle#2

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, โ€œDo you still get horny?โ€

The other replies, โ€œOh sure I do.โ€

The first old lady asks, โ€œWhat do you do about it?โ€
The second old lady replies, โ€œI suck a lifesaver.โ€
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, โ€œWho drives you to the beach?โ€

"WHO DRIVES YOU TO THE BEACH!?" LOL

 

Chuckle #3

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,

โ€œSon, you know eating all that candy isnโ€™t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.โ€

Little BILLY replied, โ€œMy grandfather lived to be 107 years old.โ€
โ€œOh?โ€ replied the man. โ€ Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?โ€
โ€œNoโ€ replied Little Billy, โ€œhe minded his own business!!โ€

 

 

6,764 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408438164.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,798 Views
3
Report
Super Contributor

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.

A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position,

the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow.

I expect him to be our best man next year."

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way

I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl, but I'll take it!"

David Eig
6,536 Views
2
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

04fa6e29e5a0c238d1e1cdadc633a16a.jpg

6,573 Views
1
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

funny-love-quotes-6-months (1).png

6,671 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408560697.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,928 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408627700.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,944 Views
2
Report
Super Contributor

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.

"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.

"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

David Eig
7,442 Views
0
Report
Super Contributor

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes!

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.

Genie: Done! You have no more wishes.

Me: But you said three?

Genie: Well go ahead, sue me.

David Eig
0
Kudos
2903
Views
7,334 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408663319.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,839 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408682399.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
3232
Views
7,828 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408910763.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,794 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505408938722.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,773 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505409044377.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,775 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505409138759.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,810 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505588788910.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,867 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505588888267.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
2418
Views
7,962 Views
2
Report
Super Contributor

A bunch of men were sitting around the playing poker.

"I win!" said Johnson.

Henderson threw down his cards, "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is cheating!!!"

"How can you tell?" Phillip asked.

"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!"

David Eig
0 Kudos
7,741 Views
1
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

73b73ad32fda1aa38ed8141596518e65.jpg

7,712 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1505409206338.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
8,059 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1501378484853.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
8,154 Views
1
Report
Super Contributor

Little Mary's father was typing away at his home computer, when she sneaked up behind him. Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family,

"I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"

"What is it?" her sister asked eagerly.

Proudly Little Mary replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

David Eig
7,500 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

This is as good a place as any for this:

 

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer โ€” you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake โ€” he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
8,266 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1501378668547.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
3187
Views
0 Kudos
8,240 Views
1
Report
Newbie

The hot spot of the night oh yes๐Ÿ˜‰

0 Kudos
8,197 Views
0
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1501378668547.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
8,113 Views
0
Report
cancel
Showing results forย 
Showย ย onlyย  | Search instead forย 
Did you mean:ย 
Users
Need to Know

NEW: AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays! This week, achieve a top score in Atari Centipedeยฎ and you could win $100! Learn More.

AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays

More From AARP