Reply
Honored Social Butterfly

Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
11,479 Views
1027
Report
Super Contributor

Shopping In A Hurry

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.

She headed for the express lane where the clerk was talking on the phone
with the back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down,

smiled and said, "Not bad."

David Eig
Honored Social Butterfly

ssssd.jpg

Honored Social Butterfly

pink.jpg

0
Kudos
185
Views
Super Contributor

Back in the day, we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash.

Now we have no jobs, no hope, and no cash.

Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!

David Eig
Super Contributor

No Salt Pretzel

Little Johnny, instead of an apple, would daily bring his teacher a pretzel from his

uncle's bakery. She always thanked Little Johnny but one day she said,

"These pretzels are very good but do you think your uncle could make them with no salt?"

Every day afterwards the pretzel was salt free. After a while the teacher felt she was making too much extra work for Little Johnny's uncle to make them without salt especially for her.

"Little Johnny, I hope your uncle is not going to any great time to prepare the pretzel without salt?"

"Oh no," replied Little Johnny, "he doesn't make them without salt. I lick the salt off."

David Eig
Honored Social Butterfly


@DaveMcK wrote:

FB_IMG_1492217901073.jpg


 

 

@DaveMcK Ho! The artist has obviously seen me play golf. 🙂 (It gets real ugly, real fast.)

 

"The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life - mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical." Julius Erving
Honored Social Butterfly

toon-3499.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492217668264.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492447758515.jpg

I'm back! Logged out and logged back in.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492447758515.jpg

I'm back! Logged out and logged back in.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

toon-3247.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492217819621.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
268
Views
Honored Social Butterfly


@DaveMcK wrote:

FB_IMG_1492217819621.jpg


LOL! Exactly! Thanks for the chuckle, @DaveMcK.

"The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life - mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical." Julius Erving
Honored Social Butterfly

toon-3162.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

toon-2078.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

toon-1121.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492217517886.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492454434546.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492217329045.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Senior Romance!!!
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Linda is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1491787146526.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

C-Medicare-D.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
176
Views
Honored Social Butterfly

C-Walkers.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

  1. Blackjack chewing gum
  2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  3. Candy cigarettes
  4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  7. Party lines
  8. Newsreels before the movie
  9. P. F. Flyers
  10. Butch wax
  11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
  12. Peashooters
  13. Howdy Doody
  14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
  15. S&H Green Stamps
  16. Hi-fi systems
  17. Metal ice trays with lever
  18. Mimeograph paper
  19. Blue flashbulb
  20. Packards
  21. Rollerskate keys
  22. Cork popguns
  23. Drive-in theaters
  24. Studebakers
  25. Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Hmmmmmm! I remember all of them.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Bronze Conversationalist


@DaveMcK wrote:

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

  1. Blackjack chewing gum
  2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  3. Candy cigarettes
  4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  7. Party lines
  8. Newsreels before the movie
  9. P. F. Flyers
  10. Butch wax
  11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
  12. Peashooters
  13. Howdy Doody
  14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
  15. S&H Green Stamps
  16. Hi-fi systems
  17. Metal ice trays with lever
  18. Mimeograph paper
  19. Blue flashbulb
  20. Packards
  21. Rollerskate keys
  22. Cork popguns
  23. Drive-in theaters
  24. Studebakers
  25. Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Hmmmmmm! I remember all of them.


Problem is I remember all plus things like Scrub boards, Lie soap, clotheslines, fishing with a Cane pole, The Lone Ranger on the radio before he was on the TV Gilette Blue Blades, Sears 

Christmas catalog, Life and look magazine, RC Cola and Moon Pies, if I list any more you will know I'm older than dirt.

Bronze Conversationalist


@DaveMcK wrote:

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

  1. Blackjack chewing gum
  2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  3. Candy cigarettes
  4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  7. Party lines
  8. Newsreels before the movie
  9. P. F. Flyers
  10. Butch wax
  11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
  12. Peashooters
  13. Howdy Doody
  14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
  15. S&H Green Stamps
  16. Hi-fi systems
  17. Metal ice trays with lever
  18. Mimeograph paper
  19. Blue flashbulb
  20. Packards
  21. Rollerskate keys
  22. Cork popguns
  23. Drive-in theaters
  24. Studebakers
  25. Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Hmmmmmm! I remember all of them.


If you added remembering The Lone Ranger on the radio, then you would be older than dirt.

Honored Social Butterfly

Late Night Lecture
       An elderly man driving erratically was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
       The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
       The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
       The man replied, "That would be my wife."

0214ed7f-6dc5-4179-9bb6-712a747af806.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1490656245522.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Gold Conversationalist


@DaveMcK wrote:

OMG you're jokes are great!!  How many joke books do you have...or do you make them up?!?

The 5 Stages of Life:

 

1)  To Grow Up

2)  To Fill Out

3) To Slim Down

4) To Hold It In

5) To Hell With It

Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1490478525983.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper