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Late Night Lecture
       An elderly man driving erratically was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
       The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
       The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
       The man replied, "That would be my wife."

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Message 977 of 981

Elderly Women Drivers

Two elderly women Marie & Edith were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The Edith in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time Edith was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the Marie and said, "Marie! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Marie turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Brand New Hearing Aid

An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The elderly gentleman went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!

 

Q: When is a retiree's bedtime? A: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

 

Q: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? A: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

 

Q: Why do retirees count pennies? A: They are the only ones who have the time.

 

Q: What do retirees call a long lunch? A: Normal.

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Message 979 of 981

 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?

His friends replies, "A Carnation??"

"No. No. The other one" the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"

"Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

 

 

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Message 980 of 981

Nice! Thanks for starting the topic!

 

Love the joke you posted.

 

Don't have a joke but quote:

 

Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” (courtesy of Las Vegas' Review Journal (newspaper))

 

Thanks, again! Looking forward to the replies!

 

 


#VegasStrong
Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
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