Reply
Honored Social Butterfly

Senior Citizen stories, jokes and cartoons.

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
7,680 Views
1012
Report
Honored Social Butterfly

toon-1121.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492217517886.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492454434546.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1492217329045.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Senior Romance!!!
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Linda is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1491787146526.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

C-Medicare-D.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
176
Views
Honored Social Butterfly

C-Walkers.gif

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

  1. Blackjack chewing gum
  2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  3. Candy cigarettes
  4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  7. Party lines
  8. Newsreels before the movie
  9. P. F. Flyers
  10. Butch wax
  11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
  12. Peashooters
  13. Howdy Doody
  14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
  15. S&H Green Stamps
  16. Hi-fi systems
  17. Metal ice trays with lever
  18. Mimeograph paper
  19. Blue flashbulb
  20. Packards
  21. Rollerskate keys
  22. Cork popguns
  23. Drive-in theaters
  24. Studebakers
  25. Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Hmmmmmm! I remember all of them.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Bronze Conversationalist


@DaveMcK wrote:

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

  1. Blackjack chewing gum
  2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  3. Candy cigarettes
  4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  7. Party lines
  8. Newsreels before the movie
  9. P. F. Flyers
  10. Butch wax
  11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
  12. Peashooters
  13. Howdy Doody
  14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
  15. S&H Green Stamps
  16. Hi-fi systems
  17. Metal ice trays with lever
  18. Mimeograph paper
  19. Blue flashbulb
  20. Packards
  21. Rollerskate keys
  22. Cork popguns
  23. Drive-in theaters
  24. Studebakers
  25. Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Hmmmmmm! I remember all of them.


Problem is I remember all plus things like Scrub boards, Lie soap, clotheslines, fishing with a Cane pole, The Lone Ranger on the radio before he was on the TV Gilette Blue Blades, Sears 

Christmas catalog, Life and look magazine, RC Cola and Moon Pies, if I list any more you will know I'm older than dirt.

Bronze Conversationalist


@DaveMcK wrote:

Quiz: How Old Are You Really?
From the following list of 25 items, count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! How to score yourself is at the end.

  1. Blackjack chewing gum
  2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar-water
  3. Candy cigarettes
  4. Soda-pop machines that dispensed bottles
  5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
  6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
  7. Party lines
  8. Newsreels before the movie
  9. P. F. Flyers
  10. Butch wax
  11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (e.g., Olive - 6933)
  12. Peashooters
  13. Howdy Doody
  14. 45-RPM records ... and 78-RPM records
  15. S&H Green Stamps
  16. Hi-fi systems
  17. Metal ice trays with lever
  18. Mimeograph paper
  19. Blue flashbulb
  20. Packards
  21. Rollerskate keys
  22. Cork popguns
  23. Drive-in theaters
  24. Studebakers
  25. Washtub wringers

If you remembered!
         0 - 5 = You're still young
         6 - 10 = You are getting older
       11 - 15 = Don't tell your age
       16 - 25 = You're older than you think!
Be sure to pass this along -- especially to all your friends with really good memories.

Hmmmmmm! I remember all of them.


If you added remembering The Lone Ranger on the radio, then you would be older than dirt.

Honored Social Butterfly

Late Night Lecture
       An elderly man driving erratically was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
       The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
       The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
       The man replied, "That would be my wife."

0214ed7f-6dc5-4179-9bb6-712a747af806.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1490656245522.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Gold Conversationalist


@DaveMcK wrote:

OMG you're jokes are great!!  How many joke books do you have...or do you make them up?!?

The 5 Stages of Life:

 

1)  To Grow Up

2)  To Fill Out

3) To Slim Down

4) To Hold It In

5) To Hell With It

Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1490478525983.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1490478496565.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1489937556842.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

FB_IMG_1489771380179.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
0
Kudos
240
Views
Honored Social Butterfly

Elderly Women Drivers

Two elderly women Marie & Edith were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The Edith in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time Edith was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the Marie and said, "Marie! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Marie turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Brand New Hearing Aid

An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The elderly gentleman went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!

 

Q: When is a retiree's bedtime? A: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

 

Q: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? A: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

 

Q: Why do retirees count pennies? A: They are the only ones who have the time.

 

Q: What do retirees call a long lunch? A: Normal.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Getting older 1A.jpgOld is 1.jpgSenile.jpg

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?

His friends replies, "A Carnation??"

"No. No. The other one" the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"

"Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

 

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Honored Social Butterfly

Image result for senior cartoons

Social Butterfly

Nice! Thanks for starting the topic!

 

Love the joke you posted.

 

Don't have a joke but quote:

 

Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” (courtesy of Las Vegas' Review Journal (newspaper))

 

Thanks, again! Looking forward to the replies!

 

 


#VegasStrong
Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Users
Announcements

Online Community Refresh

Online Community has updated the site design in our discussions area to make it easier to connect, follow a conversation and access resources.

The new look and feel will be rolled out in multiple phases starting with these initial improvements in the conversations and replies levels.

Learn more about the new design today.

AARP Members Only Games

Play members only games, like FIll Ins, Lumeno, 2048 and a collaborative, multiplayer Let's Crossword.

Play Now
AARP Members Only Games Logos
AARP Rewards

Solve Crosswords. Earn Rewards. Activate AARP Rewards to earn points for games, quizzes and videos. Redeem for deals and discounts.

Get started with AARP Rewards now!
/html/assets/Rewards-program-badge-355x224.png