Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[HammH]

I needed a laugh today

[DavidE760644]

There are three kinds of men in this world...

Some remain single and make wonders happen.

Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

The rest get married and wonder what happened???

[DavidE760644]

Two guys find three grenades and they decide to take them to the police station.

One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other replies, "We'll lie and say we only found two."

[DavidE760644]

Shopping In A Hurry

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.

She headed for the express lane where the clerk was talking on the phone
with the back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down,

smiled and said, "Not bad."

[LydiaN586309]

[LydiaN586309]

[DavidE760644]

Back in the day, we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash.

Now we have no jobs, no hope, and no cash.

Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!

[DavidE760644]

No Salt Pretzel

Little Johnny, instead of an apple, would daily bring his teacher a pretzel from his

uncle's bakery. She always thanked Little Johnny but one day she said,

"These pretzels are very good but do you think your uncle could make them with no salt?"

Every day afterwards the pretzel was salt free. After a while the teacher felt she was making too much extra work for Little Johnny's uncle to make them without salt especially for her.

"Little Johnny, I hope your uncle is not going to any great time to prepare the pretzel without salt?"

"Oh no," replied Little Johnny, "he doesn't make them without salt. I lick the salt off."

[Epster]

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@DaveMcK wrote:

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@DaveMcK Ho! The artist has obviously seen me play golf. 🙂 (It gets real ugly, real fast.)

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

I'm back! Logged out and logged back in.

[DaveMcK]

I'm back! Logged out and logged back in.

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[Epster]

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@DaveMcK wrote:

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LOL! Exactly! Thanks for the chuckle, @DaveMcK.

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Senior Romance!!!
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Linda is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]