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Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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"I got my mind on my money and money on my mind."

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Punchline:    If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her inside.

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Punchline:   When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times. 

Eventually, they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.

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Barry and Hannah, an old married couple, are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc. “Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain.

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Whoops!

 

I ran into a store leaving my elderly mother in the car. I was surprised when at the cashier I saw my mother there. "What are you doing here?" I asked,  "I left the car running." 

"Don’t worry," momma said, "I locked the doors!"

 

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Listen To Your Doctor
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"..ooh!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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"You talkin' to me?  You talkin' to Me?" says Doggy Deniro

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Sleep study no less

Sleep study no lessSleep study no less

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Something I read: Growing up with an outhouse is a humbling experience. It's like bungee jumping--I'm glad I did it, but I don't want to do it again. 

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Yep, @DaveMcK!  That's me. Guilty as charged. lol

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A farmer had a heifer about to deliver its first calf and he was there to help out if there were any problems. Just then he looked over and saw his four-year-old son standing there watching. The farmer thought oh my what I going to do. That boy has a million questions about everything and he never takes no for an answer. His dad was thinking I am just not ready for this especially with someone his age. Finishing up he decided to just bit the bullet and get it over with. He walked over and asked his son if he had any questions. The boy looked up and said, "Dad, how fast do you think that calf was going when it rear-ended that cow?  

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