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Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

 

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Are you a hugger?

 

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I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN...

1939 Studebaker CommanderAnd proud of it!

I’m the life of the party… even when it lasts until 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, and antacid.

I’m the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you’re saying.

I’m very good at telling stories. Over and over and over and over.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I’m so cared for – long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.

I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

I’m having trouble remembering simple words like…uh???…uh.

I’m now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

I’m anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.

I’m walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors. Absolutely nothing!

If you are what you eat, I’m Shredded Wheat and All Bran.

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I’m in the initial stage of my golden years. SS, CD’s, IRA’S, AARP.

I’m wondering if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

I’m supporting all movements now…by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.

I’m a walking storeroom of facts, I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom.

I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN, and I think I am having the time of my life!!!!

 

ALWAYS REMEMBER: The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road.

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You'll love this one!! An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

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I think we could use a couple of these!

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Hard of hearing!

 

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."

 

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SHE'S THE ONE


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive after dark!"

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"Ode to Getting Old"

Just a line to say I'm living, That I'm not among the dead Though I'm getting more forgetful And something's slipping in my head;

I got used to arthritis, To my dentures I'm resigned. I can manage my bifocals, But oh, how much I miss my mind.

For sometimes I cannot remember When I stand atop the stairs, If I must go down for something Or if I've just come up from there.

And before the fridge, so often My mind is filled with nagging doubt. Have I just put food away, or Have I come to take some out.

I called a friend not long ago, When they answered I just moaned. I hung up quickly without speaking, For I'd forgotten who I'd phoned.

And when the darkness falls upon me I stand alone and scratch my head. I don't know if I'm retiring, Or just getting out of bed?

Once I stood in my own bathroom, Wondering if I'd used the pot. I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I'd not.

So, now if it's my turn to write you. There's no need for getting sore It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more.

Now I stand beside the mail box With a face so very red Instead of mailing you the letter I have opened it instead.

 

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