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Funny Stories and Life Experiences

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeโ€ฆ
So remember this story the next time โ€ฆ

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks itโ€™s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: โ€œWho screwed up your hair?โ€

 

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What about the elk!

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Social Distancing: What It Is, Why Itโ€™s Important, How to Do It Itโ€™s not the same as a quarantine, and itโ€™s not just for high-risk populations

En espaรฑol | โ€œSocial distancingโ€ is a phrase thatโ€™s dominating news headlines and working its way into everyday conversation. A month ago, most Americans had never heard of it. 

โ€œItโ€™s a strange term,โ€ admits Anne Schuchat, principal deputy director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) โ€” one of the federal agencies that has been pushing the practice of social distancing as a way to slow the spread of the illness caused by the new coronavirus. 

โ€œUsually when we talk about health and wellness, itโ€™s all about connectedness and really reaching out and being together with community, family, friends, loved ones. But social distancing means trying to keep some space between you and other people,โ€ Schuchat adds. 

For many communities across the country, this idea of space is quickly becoming the new normal. School districts have canceled classes, professional sports leagues have suspended their seasons, and crowded parks and museums have closed their gates. 

It may seem excessive for those unaffected by the illness. But experts say it works. Hereโ€™s how.

 

For the latest coronavirus news and advice go to AARP.org/coronavirus.


What, exactly, is social distancing? 

Social distancing is not the same as quarantining or isolating oneself. Itโ€™s simply โ€œtrying to keep some space between you and other peopleโ€ โ€” about six feet of space, Schuchat says. This is why many public events and activities where individuals are typically crammed close to one another are on hold. 

โ€œWe think that infections are spread by respiratory droplets, spread when youโ€™re within about six feet of another person. And so avoiding those circumstances where youโ€™re going to be really in close quarters with lots of other people can help achieve social distancing,โ€ Schuchat says. 

Space slows the spread 

A key concept of social distancing is slowing the spread of the epidemic in order to โ€œdecrease the pressure on the health care system,โ€ Schuchat says. 

โ€œYou can imagine if 100 people were going to get sick over 100 days you would have a certain kind of pressure on the health care system. But if 100 people get sick all in the same day, itโ€™s a different kind of pressure,โ€ she says.  

Staying home as much as possible and avoiding crowded spaces โ€” even if you are young, healthy and symptom-free โ€” helps reduce the risk of infection in the high-risk population. 

Images of overloaded hospitals in Wuhan, China, and Northern Italy have illustrated just how dangerous an overwhelmed health care system can be during a pandemic. If society slows the spread, health care workers can โ€œtake better care of every individual person,โ€ Schuchat says.

Social distancing protects high-risk individuals 

Most people who get COVID-19, the illness caused by the new coronavirus, experience mild to moderate symptoms, including fever, cough and shortness of breath, experts say. But for some people, the disease can be far worse. And early data show that older adults and individuals with underlying health conditions โ€” such as diabetes, heart disease and lung disease โ€” are more likely to experience severe illness, even death. 

Staying home as much as possible and avoiding crowded spaces โ€” even if you are young, healthy and symptom-free โ€” helps reduce the risk of infection in the high-risk population. 

โ€œOften before people even know theyโ€™re sick, they could spread the virus. And thatโ€™s probably why weโ€™ve seen such rapid spread around the world,โ€ Schuchat says. 

In essence: Keeping your distance from others helps keep others healthy. 

โ€œAnd weโ€™re focusing quite a bit on protecting the vulnerable,โ€ Schuchat adds.  

What does social distancing look like? 

Washing hands and covering coughs and sneezes are among the most important tactics experts say can help keep COVID-19 at bay. But several regions in the U.S. are adding a few more measures to their list of public health precautions.

In areas where the coronavirus is spreading, people are being told to work from home, if they can, and to avoid public places. The White House is urging all Americans to stay home as much as possible and to avoid groups of more than 10 people at least through April. Nonessential travel is also discouraged.

If you need to go to the store, go first thing in the morning when itโ€™s less likely to be crowded, Schuchat says. And try to keep a safe distance from other shoppers. 

Nursing homes have also barred visitors and nonessential employees during the coronavirus outbreak. Officials are encouraging family and friends to check in with loved ones with a phone call or video chat instead. 

โ€œAnd certainly check on your neighbors who may be keeping themselves at homeโ€ to reduce their risk of infection, Schuchat says. If you are healthy, ask โ€œif they need any help with shopping, with groceries, with filling their prescriptions โ€” anything like that,โ€ she adds. 

More on Coronavirus
Woman washing her soapy hands in a bathroom

JODI JACOBSON/GETTY IMAGES

 

How do you know when to practice social distancing? 

The government is urging all Americans to practice social distancing to slow the spread of the illness, but what that looks like may depend on where you live. The situation in New York, for example, may be different than things in Nebraska.

โ€œWe have a pretty diverse country,โ€ Schuchat says.

โ€œThis virus is new and weโ€™re still learning about it, and weโ€™re trying to apply the best information possible every single day to protect Americans. Itโ€™s a changing situation, so stay informed. Keep up with the news, especially in your local area.โ€

Editor's note: This story was originally published on March 13, 2020. It's been updated to reflect recent social distancing recommendations.

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Get an early start on the celebration of Earth Day  with these 8 Planet-Friendly Ways To Celebrate Earth Day Celebrate Earth Day by making a few easy changes the Earth will appreciate.

The earth seen from Apollo 17 
Wikigraphists

The first Earth Day (called May Day at the time) was held in 1970 in the US and itโ€™s often considered the start of the modern environmental movement.

Since that initial march against environmental destruction, Earth Day has evolved into a globally celebrated event, with festivities occurring in more than 200 countries.

In its simplest form, itโ€™s a day for people to step back, take a deep breath and appreciate Earth in all its splendor. But for many people Earth Day holds the potential to ignite broad environmental action.

As an internationally recognized holiday, Earth Day is guaranteed to attract the attention of an enormous amount of people. So figuring out how to harness and activate that attention toward sustained action is something activists work hard on.

Be on the lookout for all the environmental groups spreading awareness on April 22nd--theyโ€™ll have good advice! But in your free time, celebrate Earth Day by making a few easy changes the Earth will appreciate.

 

1) Get a recyclable water bottle

 

The US alone consumes 50 billion plastic water bottles annually. Most of these bottles are not recycled and end up in landfills, in oceans and elsewhere, which harms organisms and the environment. Just creating these bottles uses 17 million barrels of gasoline, which would be enough to power 1.3 million cars for a year. Even more energy is then spent transporting water bottles and then recycling them.

Ending societyโ€™s addiction to unnecessary water bottles would be greatly appreciated by Earth.

FullSizeRenderhero.jpgImage: Gus Stahl

You can start your transition to an eco-friendly reusable bottle on Earth Day. Here are a few good list to choose from.

2) Start composting

 

Earth is the ultimate recycler--it reuses everything that it creates with a little help from the Sun. And everything that lives on the planet is cool with this system of recycling--everything except humans.

Humans are the only things that willfully donโ€™t recycle what they create and use. And that means that a lot of nourishing substances that would otherwise feed wildlife and help it flourish end up in landfills or on strips of asphalt or somewhere else.

But it doesnโ€™t have to be that way. Composting biodegradable food and materials is a great way to feed soil, organisms in the soil and plant life while reducing waste.

 

 

All you have to do is create a compost pile in your backyard or, if youโ€™re a city slicker, store all your vegetable, fruit, and other natural scraps in a plastic bag in your freezer and then dump it when full at a compost collecting place.

3) Plant a garden

 

Plant some flowers and get a beautifully fragrant garden. And then plant some vegetables and get all the produce you need. Hereโ€™s a guide to starting a garden.

If you live in the city, check out this starter guide.

fire escape garden edited.jpgImage: ยฉ Kristine Paulus/Flickr

4) Buy a tree certificate

 

Trees are amazing. But humans relentlessly chop and burn them down. So this Earth Day buy a certificate from Stand for Trees to protect a batch of trees somewhere in the world thatโ€™s at risk of deforestation.

Almond treesImage: Flickr: Steve Corey

5) Build a birdhouse or start a bee farm

 

Building a birdhouse is definitely the easier option here. All youโ€™ll need is a couple pieces of wood for birds to stand on and a place to put bird feed.

Bird eating worm.jpgImage: Flickr: drbob97

Starting a bee farm is more complex. But hereโ€™s a handy guide that will help you beat back the decline of bees around the world.

6) Make your home energy efficient

 

Houses consume a lot of energy for electricity and heating. In fact, 40% of the energy consumed in the US goes to residential and commercial buildings. For the world to avoid the worst consequences of climate change, everyone would have to consume a set amount of energy annually. The average US household surpasses that amount in 2 weeks

Fortunately, there are many simple ways to cut down on this energy consumption.

From improving insulation to using LED lights to getting a water heater, improving a houseโ€™s energy efficiency both helps the environment and saves you a lot of money in the long-run. Here are a few pro tips.

7) Become a better grocery shopper

 

First, get a reusable grocery bag to limit all the plastic produced in the world.

Then try to buy fresh foods that you can carry in reusable containers. For example, fresh fruits and vegetables donโ€™t come prepackaged. Also, nuts, lentils, coffee beans and many other dry goods can generally be purchased from bulk containers. By using reusable containers, youโ€™re further reducing the amount of plastic in the world.

  1. what-does-a-grocery-store-with-no-waste-look-like-b3.jpgImage: Flickr: storebukkebrute
  2. Finally, try to buy local, ethical and environmentally sustainable products. If you can't go local, go ethical and sustainable.
  3. ๐Ÿ˜Ž Enjoy nature!
  4.  
  5. Make sure you set aside a lot of time to enjoy nature this Earth Day. Go for a hike, head to the beach or just sit in a park and appreciate the moment.

nature GreenHatters.jpgImage: Wikimedia Commons- Margus Opp


The Earth is a truly marvelous place that provides all of us with life. As humans, we can surely do a better job taking care of it.

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Notice this contains advertising!

 

Coronavirus and Diabetes: 8 Ways to Stay Safe or if your over 55 with other health issues 

Coronavirus and Diabetes: 8 Ways to Stay Safe

Coronavirus (COVID-19) is a real concern that we should all take seriously, especially for people living with diabetes. However, the CDC and other health organizations agree: the best way to combat coronavirus is to be prepared, not panicked.

How to Prepare for Coronavirus with Diabetes

Take care of yourself, reduce your risk, and protect others by doing the following:

  1. Wash your hands frequentlyโ€”Use hot water and antibacterial soap. Scrub for at least 20 seconds every time.
  2. Try not to touch your faceโ€”Viruses that affect the respiratory system enter the body through mucus membranes found in your eyes, nose, lips, and mouth. If you must touch your face, wash your hands before and after.
  3. Use your elbowโ€”When coughing and sneezing, cover your mouth and nose with a flexed elbow or tissue. Use your elbow to push open doors.
  4. Wipe down when in doubtโ€”Use disinfectant wipes before touching surfaces touched by others, such as tables, counters, chairs, grocery carts, and gas pumps.
  5. Practice "social distancing"โ€”Avoid large gatherings and anyone with a fever or cough. In the near-term, work from home if possible and consider tech-based social interactions (text, phone calls, video chat).
  6. Fill your prescriptionsโ€”Make sure your medications are filled, including oral drugs, insulin, and any other supplies you use to manage your diabetes, such as syringes, strips, and lancets.
  7. Stock up on suppliesโ€”The Department of Homeland Security recommends households have a first-aid kit and 14-day supply of food and household items, like detergent.
  8. Stay informed! When it comes to staying healthy, knowledge is power. The following links give you have easy access to helpful information. 

What You Need to Know about Diabetes and the Coronavirus (Diatribe)

 

Coronavirus and Diabetes - What You Should Know(Beyond Type 1)

 

Coronavirus and Older adults: What to Know and How to Prepare (CNN)

 

What to Buy if You're Quarantined at Home During the Coronavirus Pandemic (Business Insider)

 

How to Disinfect Your Space on an Airplane (New York Times)

 

Coronavirus Live Updates (NBC)

 

Coronavirus Myths and Misinformation Debunked (CNN)

Be smart. Be safe. Take care of yourself and take care of each other.

We're in this together. โค๏ธ

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   Learning from walking in another person's shoes!

 

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The Eye of the Beholder

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

"No, " she repliesโ€ฆ ""You just happened to catch my eye."
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PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

 

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run--anywhere.
People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
You know more about prescription drugs than you pharmacist
You can't remember who sent you this list.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

 

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Your medical records could be recorded on Epics' " My Charts " a software company here in the Madison, Wisconsin area. 

 

Link: 

COVER STORY: Epic, the software company that's changed the sharing of medical records (including, probably, yours... | Watch Video
Correspondent Lee Cowan reports on an unusual Wisconsin company that is changing the way medical records are kept, accessed and disseminated. 

For more info:

       

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stories about kindness

 

A Brief Story of Kindness

A poor boy was selling goods from one door to another to pay for his studies. One day he found that he had only one dime left, and he was hungry. While approaching the next house, he decided to ask for a meal.  But when a young woman has opened the door, he only dared to ask for a glass of water. She looked at him and understood that probably the boy is hungry. So she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it and then asked how much he owed her. The woman replied: "You donโ€˜t own me anything. Mother taught us never to accept pay for a kindnessโ€œ.   "Then I thank you from the bottom of my heartโ€œ, he said.   Now, he felt stronger not only physically, but his faith in God had grown as well. The boy's name was Howard Kelly.

 

Many years have passed. One day that woman became seriously ill. Local doctors could not help her. Therefore they sent her to a big city, where her rare disease would be studied by specialists. Dr Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he entered her room in the hospital, he immediately recognized the woman as the one who had shown kindness to him when he was poor.  So moved was he, the doctor was determined to do his best to help her recover from her disease.

 

The struggle was long, but together they managed to overcome her illness.  After some time, the woman received a bill for her treatment. She was worried that the amount to pay would be so significant, that it would take the rest of her life to pay for it. Finally, when the woman looked at the bill, she noticed words that were written on the side of the bill. The words were:  "Paid in full with a glass of milk!"

 

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Helicopter Ride

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, โ€œEthel, you know that Iโ€™d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.โ€ But Ethel would always reply, โ€œI know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.โ€

Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, โ€œEthel, you know Iโ€™m 87 years old now. If I donโ€™t ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance.โ€ Once again Ethel replied, โ€œWalter, you know that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.โ€

This time the helicopter pilot overheard the coupleโ€™s conversation and said, โ€œListen folks, Iโ€™ll make a deal with you. Iโ€™ll take both of you for a ride; if you can both stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I wonโ€™t charge you! But if you say just one word, itโ€™s 50 dollars.โ€

Walter and Ethel agreed and up they went in the helicopter. The pilot performed all kinds of fancy moves and tricks, but not a word was said by either Walter or Ethel. The pilot did his death-defying tricks over and over again, but still there wasnโ€™t so much as one word said. When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Walter and said, โ€œWow! Iโ€™ve got to hand it to you. I did everything I could to get you to scream or shout out, but you didnโ€™t. Iโ€™m really impressed!โ€

Walter replied, โ€œWell to be honest I almost said something when Ethel fell out but, you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!โ€

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Making the Most of Life Experiences

For me, life is about experiences. We all have to dream, strive, and fail before we can achieve success. Maybe we'll discover along the way that the journey is more important than the destination.

If you ask anyone what the purpose of life is, youโ€™ll likely receive wildly different responses. The answer to this question is subjective and deeply personal. Different things are important to us throughout the course of our lives. Yet one thing stays with us no matter where we go: our experiences.

 

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Finding ways to make the most of our experiences is a challenge that we face every day. As humans we ascribe value to the things we do, and itโ€™s understandable. We like to feel that what we are doing has purpose. Itโ€™s important to find fulfillment in our relationships and careers. Cultivate your friendships and find company cultures that fulfill you. It's from those experiences in life that we learn and grow. In this process of pursuing what we love, we can learn valuable lessons about ourselves and the world around us.

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25 PHOTOGRAPHS THAT CAPTURE THE BEAUTY OF OUR PLANET FROM ALL DIFFERENT ANGLES

Isnโ€™t it lovely that we can share experiences through the power of Images? Photographers are often able to capture moments and stories from across the planet thereby showcasing the earthโ€™s natural beauty. These photos not only shed light on our earthโ€™s beauty but itโ€™s fragility too.

 

Link:   https://hypegalore.com/25-photographs-that-capture-the-beauty-of-our-planet-from-all-different-angle...

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The values we live by are worth more when we pass them on.

We choose values we hope most individuals would find encouraging and relevant. Then we provide an uplifting message based on each value, in an effort to encourage people to bring out the best in themselves.

As a nonpartisan, nonsectarian organization, we carefully design our public service messages to have general universal appeal.

The Foundation's small staff works with a network of writers, art directors and production professionals. These individuals represent a wide range of ideals, viewpoints and cultural backgrounds. Their diversity reinforces the idea that values can serve as common ground for all.

As a nonprofit organization offering public service announcements, we receive the generous support of air time and media space from many TV, radio and billboard companies. The Foundation does not pay for air time or media space, but rather benefits from donated media space which allows these messages to be seen and heard around the world.

My favorite public service notices on Television!

 

Best public service ads ever:  https://www.passiton.com/who-we-are

 

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Concert

Based on a true story, this poignant moment in a concert hall reminds us how even the most embarrassing situations can be turned around with a little patience and Encouragement.

 

Link:

https://www.passiton.com/inspirational-stories-tv-spots/100-concert/

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Life Experience Story

 

 The Elephant Rope (Belief)

The Elephant Rope (Inspirational Short Stories)

A gentleman was walking through an elephant camp, and he spotted that the elephants werenโ€™t being kept in cages or held by the use of chains.

All that was holding them back from escaping the camp, was a small piece of rope tied to one of their legs.

As the man gazed upon the elephants, he was completely confused as to why the elephants didnโ€™t just use their strength to break the rope and escape the camp. They could easily have done so, but instead, they didnโ€™t try to at all.

 

Curious and wanting to know the answer, he asked a trainer nearby why the elephants were just standing there and never tried to escape.

The trainer replied;

 

โ€œwhen they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, itโ€™s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.โ€

 

The only reason that the elephants werenโ€™t breaking free and escaping from the camp was that over time they adopted the belief that it just wasnโ€™t possible.

 

Moral of the story:

No matter how much the world tries to hold you back, always continue with the belief that what you want to achieve is possible. Believing you can become successful is the most important step in actually achieving it.

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Honored Social Butterfly

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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Honored Social Butterfly

Can you believe I lasted less than a day as a retail store greeter?


Well, here's what happened.  True story. 

 

A few hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman came into the store with her two children, yelling at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,
'Good morning, and welcome. Nice children you have there; are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's nine, and the other one's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone would make a baby with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
The HR department said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

 

P.S. -- I never really worked at Wal-Mart.

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Honored Social Butterfly

BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.  SO THERE!!

P.S. -- I have some friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. So, please forward this to your friends......they may be my friends, too.

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Honored Social Butterfly

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
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