What is a healthy sex life?

[BruceT48072]

The worst part of being older and single is the inability of good people to connect. Relationships take time and need to have a beginning. Talking, eye contact, smiling are fundamentals steps most of us never take because we are scared.  Openness and trust are impossible because we fear being abandoned or taken advantage of. We never even get to the starting line.

Sex begins with holding hands, hugging and kissing.  For most of us that is all we need.  Does it mean marriage?  Of course not.  It does require two people to  become friendlier and kinder to each other,  We can never know another person until we open ourselves .

[r447879w]

I'm a Baby Boomer, but I wouldn't lock in a person to a certain way of what should be or not be by a certain age. AGE aint nuttin' butta numba! Lol! LIVE and JUST DO YOU! Don't worry about what others are saying. Take yourselves outside the box for a change and just LIVE! I've NEVER followed a certain trend and always refused to be put in a box which makes some people uncomfortable when they don't know how to "box you in" to a certain way of being. If what you want to do is legal, then go for it.

[sp69357192]

I think that the answer is that both of you feel a good connection to each other physically which is expressing what you feel emotionally. Being physically intimate may include many activities, but what is really important is that you both feel so strongly about caring for the other person that you express it. Sex is a gift that you give and your partner will want to give that gift back to you. Sometimes the gift giving is simultaneous and at other times you take turns. The fact that you are older and some functioning may not as it was in younger years should be met with kindness and respect for the other's feelings. Kissing, hugging, rubbing, touching, etc. do not require "performance" but can be very satisfying in being close to another person. Healthy sex = healthy loving.   

[sp69357192]

You didn't do anything wrong. It was a practical gift. Maybe she wanted a personal gift. There is that book about the 5 languages of love. The two of you just weren't on the same page. That's all. Don't let that discourage you from getting back in the game.

[mg91626868]

I met a woman in a writer's group.  We seemed to get along okay and went out for coffee and the occasional lunch.  For some reason, she became completely offended when I bought a 2nd hand portable evaporative cooler.  She returned it and I haven't seen her since.  I don't really care.  I thought I was doing the right thing because she often expressed how hot it would get in her apartment.

If I was out of line, it really didn't occur to me.

We may have been emotionally attached and there was certainly nothing physical, aside from an occasional hug.

I choose not to become too involved, just in case of situations such as this.  

[OldMarriedMan]

Thanks Astraea. I've gotten a lot of responses and yours just about sums it up. It really helps to have something to shoot for.

[ASTRAEA]

Aren't the Baby Boomers the generation of "do your own thing"? My guess is that any professional would answer your question by saying that a "healthy sex life" is different for every person/couple .. whatever works for them. The only time it isn't healthy, is if their individual expectations aren't the same & aren't being met, or someone's getting hurt physically or mentally.

[OldMarriedMan]

Lots of people are reluctant to talk candidly about their sexual activities. Individual preferences vary greatly and fluctuate throughout our lives. Societal attitudes also change over time. We may be more open to discussing sexual behavior these days, but in many respects it’s still a very private matter.

A healthy sex life is important for all adults, and becomes even more essential as a person gets older.

We experience a greater need for camaraderie, intimacy and touch as we age.

I hear the complaints when there is dysfunction and lack of intimacy, but what does a healthy sex life really look like?