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Re: Online dating

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Message 11 of 25

Which online dating sites are good?.................................Hmmmm, interesting question. I guess it depends on what you want or what you are looking for????? Let me throw my thoughts out here as silly as they might seem.

 

I am sure that if you asked a person that did per chance meet that Mister or Miss “Wonderful” you would get direction to which online source they used. But (there’s that word again “but”)………seems almost everyone has a “nightmare” tale of their online dating endeavors.

 

For clarification on the subject at hand, I am not and will not go on any dating sites. It is not that I am older and set in my ways and it’s not that I do not think it is impossible to find someone through a dating site. Love can come from any direction, at anytime, from anywhere, even possibly through the internet……….I suppose.

 

My issue with me putting up a profile about myself and broadcasting to the world that I am looking for someone is like applying for a bank loan or a credit card. And me sitting here waiting to see who the highest bidder is with the lowest interest rate with me in return reviewing their credentials and as to who has the best deal. In short, it seems to cheapen the quest for romance and the chase of that special person if I run into them. It’s just my stance and barrier line for finding what I am looking for. So to avoid all the disappointments and possible nightmare dating debates I will not subscribe to any online dating sites…………………………………………………………………………………..even if certain dating sites that do have commercials on TV that proclaim success of people meeting people and being happy ever after………..we will come back to “dating site claims” in a few moments.

 

Now, let’s jump to what I hear about dating sites. I had friends (both male & female) back on dating sites 10 years ago and way before I ever got divorced. I heard “dating online tales” then that were all disappointing that sounded like a horror story written by John Carpenter and I am still hearing the same stories today. I am sure that some people out there in the world did find the fairytale relationship or least they found what they were looking for, but I have yet to meet any couple that has told me their romantic story of long distance internet romance and finding each other on a “dating website” and lived happily thereafter. I have heard of some people that found each other and became good and close friends, but then again they were looking for friendship and nothing more from each other. I have even met some great people and made some great friends from the internet, but they were not from dating sites.

 

Let’s go back toTV commercials that claim success about their dating sites and how it has brought people together and the site helped those people onto the road of marriage.   So the message we saw and heard in the commercial was, “Gosh, they met each other and they got married, they must be happy now”. It is a valid statement that you will meet someone in online dating sites, it is common logic, you are looking for someone and they are looking for someone, or something. So your odds of meeting someone, anyone is very high if you have a profile and advertising you are looking for someone.

 

Then we drop into the zone of “is the person we have found online what we want or need?”. Here is the kicker, you review the profile, and he or she sounds like the one you have been searching for, bingo! ………………we have a winner you think to yourself. One of two things happens, you start an online romance or maybe the two of you are not far apart and set up an “actual physical” face to face date. Either way you go, the statistics are NOT in your favor. Talking more with a person brings out the truth of what they really are or how you see them, or the two of you meet up and you know within 10 minutes into the date you would rather be home reading a good book by yourself.

 

Some dating sites are more sophisticated then others and some dating sites do have the utmost respect and compassion for people looking for people, but no matter what, the online dating services cannot stop people from telling lies or portraying themselves of who they are not on their profile.

 

Really think about this folks, you can be with someone in a relationship face to face for 10, 20, or even 30 years and then the two of you all of a sudden fall apart with both of you wondering if you ever knew each other at all…………………… Now how in the heck can an online dating service profile demand an absolute and truthful profile on someone? Most dating sites have “disclaimers” and in the fine print you will find they are not responsible for the individuals “profile content” or can they guarantee results that are favorable to the sites users.   G! go figure……………………….

 

Another fact that is NOT publicized concerning MOST online dating sites is the “FAILURE” rate. Yep, you are reading it correct, “FAILURE”. Ever notice some of the website data or statistics that show us how they have a 90+% rate of success towards marriage because of their online website? What they don’t tell ya is that over half of those people brought together have ultimately failed after a 2 to 3 year marriage span. And the number 1 reason why the marriage failed was because one person in the relationship said that the person they found was not who they portrayed themselves as to be. Whooooooooooooops!.........Now hold on, the profile was absolute, it was the perfect match!, everything a person wanted in another person!...........the internet is never wrong….......NOT!

 

If you choose to utilize online dating sites, take nothing for granted and be aware of all the risk and even to the extent of harm that could come to you. Sometimes our wants, our needs blind us and I think a good check and balance of ourselves would be to have a second opinion (a close friend, or family member you trust) and let them know you have met someone online and get their opinion concerning the matter. There are some real bad people out there with real world bad problems and they can do much damage or harm to you before you know it.

 

Don't harbor fear, but Please just be careful and crawl before you run

 

As for me, online dating sites, Nah……………….I am sure there are some nice people on them from time to time………..and I refer to the old saying………

 

………… It takes one bad apple to ruin the bushel”…………….but I think the saying today is……………. “There’s a bushel of bad apples and only one good one left”…………….

 

So I will walk on with an open mind, a warm heart and remember what I have learned and what I have lost. I will keep looking for that one good apple amongst the bruised and rotten fruits as my life goes on. I will look everywhere I go and I will have a smile for all that I meet no matter where I am.

 

Perhaps, just perhaps, I don’t know the time, the day, or where it will be, I will see one good apple looking back smiling at me. The only thing I am certain of is that the apple I seek will not be found through this monitor and keyboard on a dating site.

 

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND KEEP SMILING Smiley Happy ; someone might just smile back at you.

 

 

PS I love music, all kinds of music. I find many pearls of wisdom in some of the messages that bands have put together. If you have never heard the song below or don’t know of it, I suggest you listen to it even if you don't like this style of music. Listen to the message within the song. It does fit some of the roads we are on now.

 

 

              "Sweet Dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree?

      I travel the world and the seven seas, everybody’s looking for something

              Some of them want to use you; some of them want to get used by you,

     Some of them want to abuse you; some of them want to be abused” 

 

The bands name:  Eurythmics (Vocalist: Annie Lennox)

Song title: "Sweet Dreams".................. this song can be found on youtube

 

 

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Re: Online dating

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Message 12 of 25

Ok I will try that site. Thanks.

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Re: Online dating

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Message 13 of 25

Yeah, I understand your feelings, but its not the end of the world by any means. There are plenty of options that you can utilize. There are plenty of nishe dating sites for seniors that you can try, but you shouldn't limit yourself with only senior sites. To give you some example not long ago my close friend(he is 53 years old) found a partner on https://www.flirt.com/ and he did that because he wasn't afraid to try new things and obviously he wasn't afraid of rejection, because its part of the game. And I strongly recommend you to utilize every single option that you have in order to find a partner for the rest of your life. And don't allow fear to hold you back, its your time to act and everything gonna be a OK. Take care and keep moving forward!!!

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Re: Online dating

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Message 14 of 25

Hello My Friend ASTRAEA,

 

 I am writing in regards to your message about dating sites, you have mentioned MeetUp. ?

    I just want to let you know that I have been to Hundreds of different dating sites in the past 6 yrs, I have learn many different things that are about dating online. 

    But the one thing I have learned from theses sites, that 90% of the people on theses dating sites are not very honest about themselves, they may seem innocest but after you talk with them and they seem to turn the table around and they will ask for money or merchandise such as a phone.

  I have came across so many people and when you ask them what kind of work they do for a living, they usually will tell you that they lost there job, or they don't work and when you ask where they live they will tell you that they are from the USA, But they will give a story saying I had to go to Africa or Ghana to care for my mother or parents. This is a giveaway Africa or Ghana isn't a glamerous place to live.

  This is also something that has come up many times when I wrote to someone online, When I ask what they do for income, they will say that they have a business of their own, 98% will tell you that they sell & buy antiques overseas, this is a scam, BEWARE OF THIS !!!

  For myself I have been to Match, Eharmony, ProfilePic, Mingle, MeetUp, Craigslist, there is so many different sites, they are all looking for Money or to have you send Mechandise.

 

 For Myself I am, I have been searching for someone to share my life with from Online Dating, but I am very honest and truthful about myself and the information that I give. I have been taken by a few people online, with sending money.

  Which I knew was wrong, but they were very convincing about thermselves and I sent the money, I won't say how much, but I will let you know I could have used that money for something good in my life.

 

 I am a Single White Man Age 53, I live in Northern Minnesota and I have lived a single life and I never had a girlfriend, never had a sexual relationship with a woman, and I have never had kids.

  I consider myself to be Honest, Open, Caring, Trustworthy,  and I am very kind and I have been told by others that I am a very generous person.

  I continue to search for someone, and I don't drink or smoke and I have a great job that I started in a grocery store 3 yrs ago, as to bagging groceries, I have moved up to being a Manager at this store now.

  I own my home and I can't relocate and I live in the country and there is lots of fun and exciting things to do outside, many lakes in the area. 

   

 

Sincerely 

Steven Brown

STEVEN E BROWN
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Re: Online dating

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Message 15 of 25

I would REALLY be reluctant to answer your call. Sounds too needy or worse, scam. I live in New Orleans, yeah, French Quarter, but I don't go there. I enjoy the gym, my Unity church, my young grandsons, and my two doggies, one which is 15 yrs old, has pancreatitis, says the vet, and may be dying. Anyway, it's summer everywhere, go outdoors, parks, riverwalk, malls, just walk through the neighborhood. Look up your local AARP, Council on Aging, United way, and volunteer. Better be careful here though. Good luck.

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Re: Online dating

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Message 16 of 25
11, the current version.
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Re: Online dating

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Message 17 of 25

What version of IE are you using?  

AARPTeri
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Re: Online dating

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Message 18 of 25

What has happened now? The enter key is not doing paragraphing anymore. I do not write run-on sentences ! Also, the menu for boldface, italics, under lining has disappeared. ????????? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Added the lines to break up the huge block of text with the edit function. __________________________________________________________________________________________ But this is no way to run a railroad, that's for sure. _____________________________________________________________ Am going to go out and come back in with Chrome and Firefox ___________________________________________________________________Maybe this is an IE issue with aarp site

 

Edit :  Apparenty so.  Using Chrome now,  see the full menu bar for formatting has been restored;  also the paragraghing is again working.    

I hope this is some temporary glitch with IE and AARP,  and not that IE is now a goner on this website ????

Anybody know the answer? 

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Re: Online dating

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Message 19 of 25

".... also curious about what makes online dating scammers tick. If it was only money they're after, then they could just steal our credit card/bank information-as the thieves from Russia did with Target customers. But, the online dating scammers spend so much time cultivating their victims, they must get some kind of psychic payoff for humiliating and crushing their victims. ....something to do with the alleged "imperialism" of the west versus the rest. .... Law enforcement personnel who are adept in psychological profiling should weigh in on this matter. " _____________________________________________________________________________________ Well, since no one else has stepped up in ten days...... .

 

What you are overlooking is that stealing credit card and bank information rises to the level of criminal offenses. In the few instances where these people are caught, they are then prosecuted for their crimes, and convictions are sought. _______________________________________________________________Conning the lonely-hearted online, persuading them to send large sums of money to their new sweethearts, is not as clear-cut for law enforcement purposes. _____________________________________________If the victim willingly sent the funds, as usually happens after the pump has been well-primed, at the request of the new "sweetheart", irrespective of the reasons being given for how the money was to be used, this does not constitute felonious theft under definition of law. (It constitutes gross stupidity, but that is for another thread, another day, isn't it). ______________________________________________________To put it another way - just take out the internet out of it, the "online" aspect of the love affair. Let's say a lonely and very well-off woman meets up with some guy in a local bar, face to face. He gives her a phony name, phony history, lies about his job, his address. Most everything. ____________________________________________________But he lavishes her with attention, pledges his undying love for her, and promises her a lifetime of happiness ahead, just, er, he is having some temporary financial difficulties and it would be swell if she could loan him this, then that, then more. All to help insure their future together. ________________________________________________Months and thousands of dollars later when she finally wakes up she has been fooled, do you think she has a case to take to the police? Of course not. Nothing was put in writing, no loan documents, promissory notes, no written agreements of any kind exist that could be used as a basis to build a case for fraud, or conspiracy to commit. ______________________________________________________________At best, some of these foolish women (and men too) could pursue a civil action against the "love interest" to recover their money. Evidence which is not allowable in criminal trials can be used successfully in civil actions. _______________________________________________________________However, this route is not very practical. It requires locating the whereabouts of the skunk to be served, shelling out money for lawyers and filing fees, and some way to ascertain there are assets or accounts that can be attached to satisfy a monetary judgement. All in all a very tall order to fill._________________________________________________ Plus, despite what you might see on "Dr Phil" or other TV shows, the vast majority of these lovelorn victims are too ashamed and embarrassed to seek any publicity, or draw attention to how utterly dumb they are. __________________________________________________Understandable.

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Re: Online dating

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Message 20 of 25

 I know you want to avoid online dating scams and the June/July 2015 AARP mag article presents an excellent overview of the problem. Also, this website has a petition to make dating sites more responsible. However, when I watched the Dr. Phil show referenced in the magazine article, I saw a victim who-even in the face of evidence that Dr. Phil provided- stil was in denial about how she was scammed. We can't be so desperate or needy that everyone sees the problem but us. I'm also curious about what makes online dating scammers tick. If it was only money they're after, then they could just steal our credit card/bank information-as the thieves from Russia did with Target customers. But, the online dating scammers spend so much time cultivating their victims, they must get some kind of psychic payoff for humiliating and crushing their victims. Do these scammers go after people in other English-speaking countries or are Americans their chief victims? Maybe, this has something to do with the alleged "imperialism" of the west versus the rest.  Law enforcement personnel who are adept in psychological profiling should weigh in on this matter. 

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