Take control of your brain health with Staying Sharp! Try it today.

Reply
Info Seeker
1
Kudos
1186
Views

Re: FOR SINGLES WANTING TO MARRY AGAIN! :)

1,186 Views
Message 1 of 7

And so would I also but I am wary of the scammers and hate online dating sites. The men my age want 20 somethings, why I don't even begin to know so I am right there with all the other grandmothers looking for love.  I don't look my age and don't know what looking 60 is.  So there it is...

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
1186
Views
Highlighted
Conversationalist
2
Kudos
1276
Views

Maybe I'm speaking to the choir...

1,276 Views
Message 2 of 7

I maybe speaking to the choir here. But isn’t mentioning marriage before finding someone putting the cart before the horse? I mean no disrespect. As someone who has had a life long interest in psychology, with a focus toward human motivation (what makes people do what they do), I can tell you that if you seek something you usually get it. I’ve perused my share of online dating sites and when younger bartended and looked for love in all the wrong places, its my experience that quite a few people are looking for ‘mister right now’, rather than ‘mister right’… or miss, as the case may be.

 

I’ve read some posts from folks that have been recently widowed or divorced. And while I sympathize greatly with the need to reconnect and find love again, after such an event there’s a phycological need to heal first and ‘find’ oneself again. This is often hard to hear when all you want is a little love and companionship. I know it was for me. I made all the wrong choices, dated right after divorce and suffered for it. Statistically speaking, after a loss of a long-term relationship (3 or more years), the average person needs between 3-5 years decompression time. Think of it in terms of the diving parlance I just used. If you come up too quickly from deep water, you will get the bends.

 

After dating for 5 years right after my divorce and failing to find someone right for me, I had to look at myself in the scenario. There’s a story that’s worth telling here, you may have heard it if you’ve spent any time speaking with a therapist or in group. It goes like this… A woman is attending a therapy group for relationships. When it is her turn she stands and says to the group, “I have had 5 different husbands and all of them were terrible people”. Another woman in the group stands and interrupts her with the insight, “No, you’ve had the same husband with 5 different names”. What this says to me, is that until we truly come to terms with our losses and have a strong sense of self; of who we are and what we will do and won’t do, we are destined to make the same mistakes time and again.

 

So, what do we do? We want what we want. So, how do we do what is best for us – truly best? I can only tell you what I did and hope this helps you in some small way. I stopped dating for 5 years. It took a really bad relationship to get me to that point (lol). But, I thank my lucky stars for it every day. I was in my early 40’s. I got a dog and a roommate (not of the opposite sex)., an old friend who needed a roommate and was going through a life change of his own. I joined several social groups. Being a high-tech kind of guy, I searched online and found a great site that caters to just what I was looking for. www.meetup.com is a site that essentially offers a place to create clubs, social groups of like-minded folks. There are hiking, bridge, movie and religious clubs. Really, there just about every interest covered and if there’s one missing, you can start a group yourself! I got active again, after a long illness left me weak and out of shape. I went to therapy and listened to many highly rated self-help books. Amazon has a great service that costs very little called www.audible.com where you can buy books and listen to them at your convenience. I listened during my morning commute into Seattle. I also highly recommend the following books and programs:

 

Safe People - by Dr. Henry Cloud,‎ Dr. John Townsend

Personal Power II – by Anthony Robbins

 

Camano Island, WA 

Andrew Marin
Report Inappropriate Content
Tags (1)
2
Kudos
1276
Views
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1534
Views

Re: FOR SINGLES WANTING TO MARRY AGAIN! :)

1,534 Views
Message 3 of 7

Have you met someone special yet?

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1534
Views
Info Seeker
1
Kudos
1954
Views

Re: SINGLES WANTING TO MARRY AGAIN PLEASE APPLY! :)

1,954 Views
Message 4 of 7

I know what you mean about the dating sights. I either am old fashion or was married too long, but I'd alot rather meet someone face to face and be asked out then to go through the sghts on the internet. I was 11 years younger then my husband, which passed away almost 5 years ago. We were marred almost 35 yrs. Anyway my queastion is. I'm n oxygen, fought a lung disase for 11 years that left me with very bad lungs, and now since Oct. been fighting with cancer. I really hate being alone, but is it fair to try and find a man  when I'm too  sick to take care of the house and cooking for him?

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
1954
Views
Social Butterfly
3
Kudos
2142
Views

Re: SINGLES WANTING TO MARRY AGAIN PLEASE APPLY! :)

2,142 Views
Message 5 of 7

Hi Butterfly, thanks for your comments...much appreciated! I've been on dating sites and those are the biggest scam sites ever! No worries for social media outlets are used for good and for bad. I'm here for good. I'm NOT responding to OR meeting up with anyone that can't be verified and I have my ways of doing that. I realize what you say is true, however, this forum is for mature adults with common sense looking to connect for all the right reasons. Yes, women need to be careful and scrutinize more of life than men do because we are always sitting targets no matter where in the world we live. Sad, but true. I'm NOT trusting any man that I have not had thoroughly checked out. Thanks again for sharing and caring. That means a lot to me. God bless you for doing so. Smiley Happy

Report Inappropriate Content
3
Kudos
2142
Views
Treasured Social Butterfly
2
Kudos
2177
Views

Re: SINGLES WANTING TO MARRY AGAIN PLEASE APPLY! :)

2,177 Views
Message 6 of 7

Hate to sound negative to your post, but do you realize how many scammers there are that just wait for something like this to appear? They will bait you and when you are hooked, they will have all that you have. Please be careful and use a more appropriate means to look for someone.

Soosie

Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
2177
Views
Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
2187
Views
6
Replies

FOR SINGLES WANTING TO MARRY AGAIN! :)

2,187 Views
Message 7 of 7

Hello AARP Members,

I'm single and still hope to marry again one day. Yes, it's a challenge meeting someone for marriage these days, but it's not impossible. I'd liked to still believe in love and hope for the best. All comments and thoughts on this topic are welcome. Smiley Happy

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
2187
Views
6
Replies