Gold Conversationalist


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Gold Conversationalist

They hold elections in November because it's the best time for picking out a turkey.

Gold Conversationalist

Voting is like choosing your favorite mosquito

out of a swarm.






Gold Conversationalist

                                  WENT SOUTH



Gold Conversationalist

I was down to my undies in the voting booth before I realized it wasn't a dressing room !








Gold Conversationalist

Even if you've seen this before, the meaning holds true !


It is the VETERAN not the preacher,

Who has given us freedom of religion.


It is the VETERAN not the reporter,

Who has given us freedom of the press.


It is the VETERAN not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.


It is the VETERAN not the campus organizer,

Who has given us freedom to assemble.


It is the VETERAN not the lawyer

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.


It is the VETERAN not the politician

Who has given us the right to vote.


It is the VETERAN

Who salutes the Flag.


It is the VETERAN

Who serves under the flag !



Gold Conversationalist

A wise old Indian Chief once said......  "Only the white man would think they could cut the end off a blanket, attach it to the other end, and make a longer blanket."



Set your clocks back an hour, as Daylight Savings begins.

Gold Conversationalist

Voting is like choosing your favorite mosquito out of a swarm.





Gold Conversationalist

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the teams' bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it." she replied "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents" !

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?

"Well... " she said, " I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarterback ! Get the quarterback "!   Hel-lllo.... it's only 25 cents !  I hate to think what they would do if it was a whole DOLLAR! "



Gold Conversationalist

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. A child may see his parents age 20 years.



On the Lighter Side

Gold Conversationalist

Two monsters went to a Halloween party.  Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"


The other monster replied....   "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

Gold Conversationalist



Gold Conversationalist

Ah... this is great sleeping weather.

Of course, at my age what isn't ?

Gold Conversationalist

By pumpkins fat,

And Witches lean...


By black cool cats,

With eyes of green.


By all the happiness ever dreamed,

I wish you all a safe Halloween !

Gold Conversationalist

One fine day, in the middle of the night...

Two dead boys got up to fight.


Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other.


A deaf policeman heard the noise,

Got up and shot the two dead boys.


If you don't believe this story's true...

Ask my blind Uncle, he saw it too !

Gold Conversationalist

People say. "Great Boris Karloff mask", and you're not wearing a mask.


When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.


You ask for high fiber candy only.

Gold Conversationalist

You know you're too old to Trick or Treat when you get winded from knocking on the door.

Gold Conversationalist

Smith climbs to the top of MT. Sinai to be close to God.

He says, "God, what does 100 years mean to you?"


God replies, "A minute."

Gold Conversationalist

The recession hit everyone really hard....


My cousin had an exorcism, but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her !


When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.


CEO's are now playing miniature golf.


My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card.

Gold Conversationalist

I just noticed some frost on my pumpkins....

Guess it's time to start wearing a bra again.






Gold Conversationalist



"Mommie, what is a Canadian?"




"It's an unarmed North American  with health care."

Gold Conversationalist

"Fall is a tough season for weather forecasters..

It's too cool to scare us with the heat index, and too warm to scare us with the wind chill."

Gold Conversationalist

"Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mike."

"Since when is Mike your best friend??"


"Since yesterday."


Gold Conversationalist

Q.       Why don't Jewish mothers drink?

A.        The alcohol interferes with their suffering.


Q. Why do Jewish mother's make great parole officers?

A.  They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Gold Conversationalist

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days !"


"Force yourself !" she replied.

Gold Conversationalist

LADIES....... it's October. Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   Make your appointment today for your mammogram.

Gold Conversationalist

Old age is not as bad as I thought..

It's a good feeling when you just don't give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.

Gold Conversationalist

                          GOOD RIDDANCE MARIA !

Gold Conversationalist

You can tell alot about a woman's mood just by her hands.

If she's holding a gun, she's probably unhappy.

Gold Conversationalist

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all of the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

Gold Conversationalist

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup,

And sh-- a better argument than that !