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Social Butterfly

Forum To Read & Write Limericks

Do you share my love of limericks?  This is the place to read and write them!

 

Congested with headache, in pain.

Lifting a Kleenex a strain.

My husband's loud snoring,

That's shaking the flooring.

Is driving me quickly insane.

 

 

Looks like Captain T. kirk has a place.

Well, Shatner, the man, in this case.

Some serious bread,

That William has spread.

He's prospered, now conquering space.

 

 

It's progressively coming to light.

This marriage to Dwight is not right.

He's extremely well-bred,

But as far as his head.

It hovers two feet past my height.

 

 

In the average appointment with doc.

She is constantly checking the clock.

Her schedule is strained,

I'm feeling so drained.

Like account at my bank, what a crock.

 

He's lacking the skill with details.

Just horrid with hammer and nails.

Not dignified bed,

No comfort for head.

The nails in the coffin impales.

 

 

With sister, I'm growing more bitter.

Practicing craft, I'm a knitter.

She has tangled up skein,

But instead of complain.

I rolled yarn into ball, used to hit her.

 

 

I envisioned a chance in a will,

So married the sickly old Phil.

While cursing the wait,

Said, "I'm poisoning mate.

That bitter old Phil left me nil!"

 

 

 

Social Butterfly

Haven't posted on this forum for many months.  The lack of response was discouraging.  I know this is a very niche subject, but thought there would be some interest.

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Bronze Conversationalist

@Rhymesometimes 

 

I like it. Don't get discouraged, your efforts are appreciated! There seems to be a lack of interest on many topics on this site. It's getting harder to find good, interesting topics such as the ones you create. There are also too many older posts on some sites. There needs to be some decluttering to keep things fresh. Keep those ideas coming!😀

Social Butterfly

Thank you Steve the @postman29 I appreciate that .  Instead of writing limericks lately, I've been volunteering on the virtual trivia and pub poll games Thursday nights with AARP.  It's been pretty fun.  Would be great if you wanted to check it out with your wife.  Rhymes

Social Butterfly

Here's a few new limericks:

 

It's a breaking and entering crime.

And Goldilocks suspect, this time.

Three bears are all bent,

on malicious intent.

The trial is on Amazon Prime.

 

My previous spouse a big cheat.

Dreamt I restrained both his feet.

Next morning bizarre,

Found in trunk of my car.

Bags that were drained of concrete.

 

She hovered above the still bird.

That laid on a book, hadn't stirred.

The title is prime,

"In Cold Blood" fits the crime.

Angelic look kitty just purred.

 

Until next Monday. See you then.

 

 

 

Bronze Conversationalist

@Rhymesometimes Thanks for brightening up another Monday! I absolutely love the second one! Revenge is a-couple bags of cement 😀

Social Butterfly

Steve@postman29 Very "Godfatherish." 😎

Bronze Conversationalist

He liked to lift weights to get jacked,

wanted to be strong for the boss that he backed,

He knew that if he went astray,

that he might go away,

 the same boss would ensure he'd get whacked.😟

 

 

Social Butterfly

Steve@postman29 Clever.  Very Godfatherish indeed!  No horse heads in bed please!

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It was always for her, that I would pine,

To see her face, the sun would shine,

I got so lucky in life,

when she became my wife,

She will forever be, my Valentine.

 

On February 14th, Happy Valentine's Day!

 

 

 

 

 

Social Butterfly

Steve@postman29 Love it! I know your wife will too! The personalized gift that comes from the heart are the best gifts to receive.  

Social Butterfly

Happy Monday!  Limericking time.

 

Have book and I'm ready, be bold.

Put creases in places where told.

It's coming to light,

This idea's not bright.

Origami my body, I fold.

 

They left always precisely at four.

Unbending accountants, a bore.

In the office not bold,

But in hay when they rolled.

There was bending, contorting and more!

 

"It's impossible game," I had sputtered.

Then a string of profanity uttered.

The longer I bowled,

My teammates more cold.

With bumpers, still landing me guttered.

 

Dad and I southpaws, our plight.

Gathering family tonight.

We'll sensibly sit,

Or the elbows will hit.

Left of the righties on right.

 

More fun next Monday. See ya then.

Social Butterfly

Another Monday, another set of limericks!

 

Babe Ruth with the Boston Red Sox,

Or Gates with gazillions of stocks.

And Einstein so bright,

Mathematically right.

All thinkers outside of the box.

 

Lefties like Hendrix who rocks.

Or Greta Garbo when she talks.

There's Twain when he writes,

DaVinci delights.

All thinkers outside of the box.

 

Enrolled, but of course, I'm a fake.

Astrophysics is hard, it's opaque.

But students were right,

This professor, so bright.

I love intellectual beefcake.

 

She mixes up left from her right.

Discovered that fact just tonight.

Because of that glitch,

I found her in ditch.

GPS and my friend had a fight.

 

That's all for now.  See you next week.

Social Butterfly

Happy Monday!  Four more limericks!

 

Loading my car with a sack.

Then painful immediate whack.

The cart took a roll,

My toe took the toll.

x-ray shows minuscule crack.

 

It was sixty plus tip that I doled.

As a kid, my first perm, I was sold.

But the haircut looked stark,

A circular arc.

Guess you can say I was bowled.

 

This year, origami's my thing.

Make a swan or a dragon or king.

Go basic or bold,

Be precise with the fold.

Small hazard, the paper cut sting.

 

The sweater, a gift from Aunt Claire.

Mom said, "You write her and wear."

It was ugly and old,

Got stubborn and bold.

And answered my Mom, "Well aware."

 

Until next time!

Bronze Conversationalist

@Rhymesometimes 

 

Great job again Rhymes but, as a Red Sox fan, I didn't care for the Babe Ruth reference lol! Keep them coming! The best column in the Community!

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Social Butterfly

Steve @postman29  Thank you for those kind words!  Of course most people associate Babe Ruth with the Yankees.  Didn't know he played for the Sox and even one year with the Atlanta Braves until I research before writing the limerick.  Assuming you meant he was a trader going from the Sox to the Yankees. Sorry 🤓

Social Butterfly

Happy Monday!  More limerick fun:

 

This year for my lunch and my dinner,

I'm working at getting much thinner.

Will slow down the fork,

With spaghetti I torque.

A shot as a weight losing spinner.

 

All gather for dinner tonight.

My Dad and I southpaws, our plight.

So orchestrate seating,

Or elbows competing.

We're left of the righties, that's right.

 

The lefties were vilified sight.

Thought sinister people, a fright.

Now left-handed prominence,

Has right-braining dominance.

So lefties have minds that are right.

 

Routinely will wake in the night.

Rewriting a limerick right.

A gift and a curse,

To write a good verse.

Returning to sleep in a fight.

 

On a good night:

Returning to sleep 'til it's light.

 

That's a wrap for this week.  See you next Monday.

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Social Butterfly

Happy New Year!  Another Monday, more limericks to share.

 

A very short tale for one fish.

His home in a bowl, was smallish.

The bobtailed cat smiled,

Her eyes were now wild.

Son licking her lips, said "delish."

 

This youngster who loved a small space.

Could contort her whole body with grace.

The neighbors said, "Freak,

Your future loos bleak."

Her parents add, "Circus, embrace."

 

A fisherman truly an ace.

His stomach had plenty of space.

While starting to sal'vate.

He's becoming irate.

Just miniscule fish in his face.

 

Left career with the stressors and strains.

His daughter is whiny, complains.

A line and a hook,

with a babbling brook.

The forehead's back bulging with veins.

 

Would love to see your contributions here.

Bronze Conversationalist

A poem for the times:

 

I wish we all got together, as one,

perhaps then, Covid19 would be done,

Science told us what we had to do,

 some said it's not for me, but for you,

2021 could've been the year that we won!

 

Stay safe, protect yourselves, and protect others in the new year! Let's hope it's happier!

 

 

 

 

 

Social Butterfly

Steve@postman29  100% agree!  The next few months will probably be high numbers.  Staying masked, distanced and not doing any extra outings.  Doing our best.  May you be blessed in the new year!

Bronze Conversationalist

@Rhymesometimes 

 

Thank you! You also. Happy New Year to you, your husband, and your family! Thanks for keeping these pages interesting too!

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I remember as a child, the long wait,

Watching for Santa, time getting late,

Would I get what I'd like, 

Maybe that new bike, 

Christmas morning would reveal my fate.🎅

 

 

 

 

Social Butterfly

Steve @postman29  This is a wonderful stand alone poem!  It really does capture what kids feel the night before Christmas. With a few simple tweaks, it can become a traditional limerick too.  

 

I remember in childhood, long wait.

I'm watching for Santa, it's late.

Would I get what I'd like,

Perhaps that new bike?

The morning would "present" my fate.

 

One kudo for poem, not right.

I could petition for more. Could I fight?

But, emoji or two,

Is the best I can do.

For your memory of Christmas eve night.

🏆👏🎉

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That's sweet @postman29 and timely.  🙂  Creates pictures of stockings, cookies and milk along with anticipation.


People will stop asking you questions if you answer back in interpretive dance. - Meme
Social Butterfly

It's Monday, time for more limericks:

 

The constant complaints are insane.

Can't feign fascination, a drain.

Have a growing despair,

Need to step out for air.

So I leaped from the taxiing plane.

 

 

All provisions were loaded for cruise.

Some non-rational stuff, and no booze.

The three hours for trip,

was three seasons of scrip.'

All their failing rescues amused.

 

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale. . . Oh Gilligan, we miss you.

 

 

The urologist said on the cruise.

"Your urine's the color chartreuse.

The candy addiction,

Explains the affliction."

My Skittles were causing those hues.

 

 

An Italian retirement cruise.

With glorious cities and views.

But while taking a break,

Knew that statue's a fake.

Poor David was strewn with tattoos!

 

 

Had a medical history ruse.

To meet with the doctor on cruise.

I had every intent,

To come clean with the gent.

But the doctor was female, I lose.

 

 

One more birthday has it, a big number.

I once walked with a swagger, now lumber.

Last stint as the escort.

Was awkward and short.

If I take you to bed, I'll just slumber.

 

 

I'm loving the lim'ricks, a blast.

But a darkening pall, has been cast.

My writing on cruise,

Accrues and accrues.

This marriage, not sure it will last.

 

That's all for now.  See ya next Monday. Would love to see limericks from you!

Social Butterfly

Happy Monday!  Here's a few more limericks:

 

All started with Jack and the stalk.

The villagers huddle in shock.

And Jack says, "No sale."

For the goose of the tale.

While the Giant's been outlined in chalk.

 

It's a breaking and entering crime.

The suspect is Goldi.  She's prime.

The bears are all bent,

on malicious intent.

Just new chair.  She is serving no time.

 

Poor Kay was not careful today.

The makeup's too much on display.

Mascara accrued,

I know this is rude.

Had appearance of Tammy, Miss. Faye.

 

She hovered above the dead bird.

That laid on a book.  Hadn't stirred.

The title I scanned,

Spelled it out, "Crime And,

Punishment," kitty just purred.

 

My previous spouse was a cheat.

Had a dream I restrained both his feet.

It's really bazaar,

But in trunk of my car.

I had bags that were drained of concrete.

 

The lawyer was coming to grips.

Of her thug's conversational slips.

Control of defendant,

Completely dependent.

On keeping the gag on his lips.

 

Defendant had credible alibi.

Shown teaching her Zumba.  A lie?

Discovered the lynch pin.

Had identical twin.

But which one is which, who should fry?

 

Bring your limericks here.  Show me your rhythm and rhyme.

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Social Butterfly

Missed my usual Monday limerick share.  Got the vax booster, and it hit hard.  But still grateful that I could get it.

 

The crash was in field of kale.

And pilot forgetful and frail.

The statement that's next,

Had me stunned and perplexed.

The controls in the cockpit were braille!

 

"Good Will Hunting," the movie accrued.

An abundance of language that's lewd.

It was often by Matt,

Fricking this, Fricking that.

I bleeped it all mom, more subdued.

 

My cousin is freaked out by mimes.

That fact, could enable fun rhymes.

His career I conclude.

Once pantomimed crewed.

Were involved with the grisliest crimes.

 

I was caught by insomniac hazy.

Been awake now, completely two days.

The exhaustion accrues.

Thought process is skewed.

Are there magical sleeping p.j.'s?

 

Merry Christmas to all you limerickers out there!

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Social Butterfly

Happy Monday!  A few new limericks.

 

The story's embellished, I found.

Dad says he practically drowned.

He tackled a fish,

Was large ( I'd say ) ish.

Each telling, it grows by a pound.

 

Introductory book that's divine. *

with the subject of fish on the line.

Is "Seussian" driven,

A gift I have given.

To children from newborn to nine.

 

*The book, "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish." By Dr. Suess

 

The geometry teacher, the best.

Was solving all proofs, he would test.

The escape from the sines,

His leisure designs.

A boat, as an angler to rest .

 

The specialty lure in the brook.

All it took for the line to be shook.

Then give it some slack.

That fish on attack.

What he found was a shoe on a hook.

 

Appealing to Carp, you can dribble.

Dry dog food in lake, do not quibble.

What's reported, are Carp,

Not terrible sharp.

In summary, kibble for nibble.

 

That's all for now.  See you next week!

Bronze Conversationalist

Great job Rhymes! Very entertaining! 😀

Social Butterfly

Steve @postman29  Thank you.  Didn't receive an honorable mention in the recent in-line contest.  But I'm glad to be able to have a forum to share them.

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