why marriages fail after 25 years

[56hannah]

My marraiage failed, because he know longer wanted to be responsible for me and our children. Guess who helped him in his career? The truth of the matter is, he was more interested in St. Pauly Girl, and Bud Weiser. 

[katzbme62]

You can always start one....

[PattyDiane]

Well, obviously I can't analyze your partner but my impulse is to say "You go, girl!"

But, on a more serious note, I have to wonder whose idea it was to stay unmarried for 27 years.  Most people who make that sort of decision do it because they don't want to make a commitment for a permanent relationship.  In view of this, I would have a hard time with my partner getting upset with me for "flirting" with someone on Facebook.

But it sounds to me that she is ready to make some changes in her life.  Perhaps it's the age, 51 is a big one and it occurs to one that at least half of it has passed and we tend to evaluate the time we have left and decide how we wish to spend it.  

On the pro side, she seems to be including you into the changes she's making, at least for now.  You probably have the choice to sit back and enjoy the ride, as you might find you enjoy the person she's becoming, or you can get all upset about it and make it worse.  I couldn't help but notice that your main concern seems to be that YOUR comfort might be disturbed.  

[rm75004427]

Hi - Not sure if Im on the correct site / thread, but it's a start and perhaps someone out there and aid me.

I've been in what I considered a very secure relationship for the past 27 years, with a female of now 51 years old.  Obviously we have had our ups and downs, but never like what happened 4 months ago.

We have never married and have no children of the relationship.  We entered everything on a 50/50 basis, and are very successful financially and I believe our sex lives were also good.  also Note that we work together and are professionals

About 4 months ago we had a major agrument, and we didn't speak for about 2 weeks. I was more to blame than her. 

In the interium I found her flirting with men on FB which has lead to a breakup in the relationship.

She now has a boyfriend and supposely hasn't had sex with him, which I believe her.

We still stay in the same house and bed, and often have sex, which somehow has improved 10 fold.

The reason being is that we are both 50/50 and neither wants to give-up their share.

I'm emotionally drained and obvioulsy negatively affected, she has almost turned a switch and doesn't seem to have any emotion for me, whatosever!!

It seems to be all abou herself. She has done botox, lost about 12 Kgs, now exercise  on a daily basis, and had her teeth redone and bleached.

Started to wear high heels (never doen before) - always had an excuse not to wear, e.g. uncomfortable.

My questions:

1. How does a female manage to switch off, and change 180 in 3 weeks after an argurment?

2. Why would she continously have sex with me?

3. During the day she now doesn't want to spend time with me?

4. How do I continue living a decent life?

5. If this is a power game, she is streets ahead of me.

This list could carry on, and on, but this is a start

2.

[mm7005506]

Married 29 years. No abuse. A pretty good life. Great kids, now in their 20s.

I had a year long emotional affair with someone in her 30s. DDay was in August. We're stsrting counseling next week. My young friend is in a new relationship and is happy. I miss her. I think about divorce but it would destroy both of us financially. We run s business together and my wife is the earner. I'm the back office. I would take the greater hit financially. Not easy for a white collar 59 year old to find jobs.

Strange what life throws at you when things are supposed to he more settled.

[bettymcginty01]

ah yes, exercise class.....lets hear it for "yoga bleep" (his most recent and longest cheat and provable) and a womans trust and belief in marriage......no matter what we do , or believed we know deep down, they are no longer in the marriage we just didnt want to see it.....it goes both ways. When you read articles and talk to people...why is it more often than not the men that stray? 

[bettymcginty01]

I think men are more narcissitic, and women try harder, always.....

[bettymcginty01]

I think men tend to  be more narcissitic which usually to problem when it comes to these issues

[bettymcginty01]

Mine failed because he no longer wanted to be married, cheated like an animal in heat, it killed me, god i love him, i wanted our marriage to last like my parents marriage 60+ years, we promised each other 50 years....truth be told, i guess you can love someone too much and not see the reality.....you can try all you want but if they dont care....

[sjs212]

Do not punish him for ur past relationship or marriage. Pray about it

[SIMPLEGAL]

KP2787,
Have faith and hope...things will change.