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My marraiage failed, because he know longer wanted to be responsible for me and our children. Guess who helped him in his career? The truth of the matter is, he was more interested in St. Pauly Girl, and Bud Weiser.
Someone wrote: "We were best friends. After 32 yrs. of marriage and 3kids, I didn't want him touching me anymore. So he found someone else. I never had a lot of interest in sex anyway, I fantasized about it with other men, because he was more like a brother and best friend than a lover. I also thought that he would be losing interest in sex by our 50's and we could grow old together without too much intimacy but I guess that was unrealistic on my part."
I have been married over 20 years. My marriage started showing signs of strain about 4-5 years ago. I am a man, but in my case it was my wife who refused to stick with counseling and therapy until things got better. My wife doesn't really want me touching her, either. She permits it and cooperates but clearly has no interest in me as a sex partner or even as someone with whom to share any other form of physical affection. Is a man supposed to accept this as normal? I don't know.
Sex and affection are normal parts of marriage and men get a bad rap for having affairs, but are we supposed to deny this aspect of our human condition because we are in a partnership with someone who doesn't need it?
Trying to live without affection and love and sex is very painful for me; people live longer and I certainly understand why so many people divorce in their 50s. Once children are grown, is it really fair to the partner who is not getting his or her needs met to stay in the relationship?
My husband of 27 years has been getting inebriated and has drawn the attention of our children and my side of the family. I feel embarrassed and hopeless. I want to leave. I can take CARE of myself but a break up will really rock the boat and I don't know if I can handle the backwash. Yet, I am 59 and have ambitions and a totally different life plan than he does. We are so different and from very different backgrounds and now I feel disgust for him. I often ask myself why I ever married this person.I have confronted him so many times and he says he will stop but he doesn't. He refuses help. Refuses to even go to a doctor at all. I can't live my life like this.
I agree Men can be victums as well and often I feel ! Men can be sexually abused as I was as a child, abused by fathers and wifes... It feels good to just expres that. Yet the pain still hurts as many years as the abuse did. I finallly just had to move away to begin a new life. Kevin
Hi ef6829
I'm glad to see that you found this group but very sorry that you have the need of it. I can imagine that you feel, not only devasted but also such a sense of betrayal. I know that is how I have felt when learned that what I believed to be true was actually a lie. It took me a long time to be able to trust myself again and it was only with the help of some good friends and some professional help that I was able to put my life back together and make some progress in healing.
Patty
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