My marraiage failed, because he know longer wanted to be responsible for me and our children. Guess who helped him in his career? The truth of the matter is, he was more interested in St. Pauly Girl, and Bud Weiser.
Someone wrote: "We were best friends. After 32 yrs. of marriage and 3kids, I didn't want him touching me anymore. So he found someone else. I never had a lot of interest in sex anyway, I fantasized about it with other men, because he was more like a brother and best friend than a lover. I also thought that he would be losing interest in sex by our 50's and we could grow old together without too much intimacy but I guess that was unrealistic on my part."
I have been married over 20 years. My marriage started showing signs of strain about 4-5 years ago. I am a man, but in my case it was my wife who refused to stick with counseling and therapy until things got better. My wife doesn't really want me touching her, either. She permits it and cooperates but clearly has no interest in me as a sex partner or even as someone with whom to share any other form of physical affection. Is a man supposed to accept this as normal? I don't know.
Sex and affection are normal parts of marriage and men get a bad rap for having affairs, but are we supposed to deny this aspect of our human condition because we are in a partnership with someone who doesn't need it?
Trying to live without affection and love and sex is very painful for me; people live longer and I certainly understand why so many people divorce in their 50s. Once children are grown, is it really fair to the partner who is not getting his or her needs met to stay in the relationship?
My ex was a 20 Navy man. For 14 of those years I was a stay at home Mom raising our three children and providing the stability for them as we made our 11 moves. My ex loved to spend money and resented me for not providing an income, while I was very thrifty and made our low income work. I began to resent him because he wasn't willing to work together with me to keep our spending down. The difference was that he was very vocal about his dissatisfaction at my shortcomings, and the verbal abuse wore on me.
When I finally started working again, he complained that I wasn't earning enough money. But he "needed" a new computer every other year, the 3-4 thousand dollars kind, while our family could never take vacations or use our income for the benefit of all of us.
I developed Fibromyalgia. This increased his complaints.
After he retired his new income plus mine made us very comfortable. Two of our kids were in college, so he complained about that expense in his abusive way.
I injured my back which put me out of work. In the meantime he had hired a woman to assist him with writing a book. It didn't take long at all to realize he was having an affair with her while I recovered from back surgery.
Not long after, his abuse was especially awful. I woke up one Saturday morning after he had badly berated me the night before. He was already up. When I went into the kitchen he was there dishing out even more abuse, so I got on the computer in my son's room to check my emails. There was an email from him telling me that the movers were coming and to get my stuff out of the furniture he was taking with him.
And that's how our 24 year marriage ended. He could berate me any time, but he didn't have the guts to tell me face to face that he was leaving me.
When our kids expressed their dismay over his actions, he disowned them.
All of this happened over 8 years ago. I live off my military pension and alimony since I am unable to work. My children look to my ex as nothing more than their sperm donor. We all still deal with the anger at what he did, but we have all moved on and we're very close. One of my children has married and is planning a family.
It took me a long time to learn to be good to myself. Despite my disability I'm much happier now.
My husband of 27 years has been getting inebriated and has drawn the attention of our children and my side of the family. I feel embarrassed and hopeless. I want to leave. I can take CARE of myself but a break up will really rock the boat and I don't know if I can handle the backwash. Yet, I am 59 and have ambitions and a totally different life plan than he does. We are so different and from very different backgrounds and now I feel disgust for him. I often ask myself why I ever married this person.I have confronted him so many times and he says he will stop but he doesn't. He refuses help. Refuses to even go to a doctor at all. I can't live my life like this.
It should be on average the same number. Although media or other means of measuring such a statistic is not that perfect yet, to say the least. Perhaps the more verbal gender does get the upper hand, when it comes to reporting abuse or complaints. But that's just my opinion, folks.
I agree Men can be victums as well and often I feel ! Men can be sexually abused as I was as a child, abused by fathers and wifes... It feels good to just expres that. Yet the pain still hurts as many years as the abuse did. I finallly just had to move away to begin a new life. Kevin
Yes, it's not always the man, I loved and was inlove with my wife for 26 yrs, she asked for the divorce and said she didn't love me any more. She lost both her parents the 6 months before ,then left me. Maybe because her parents loved and adored me she was waiting. Sad thing is she will never tell me why it's been 8 years now. I would still like to know the answer, I went to council and she refused any thought but wanting a divorce with out any discussion. Still seeking answers ... Kevin
I'm glad to see that you found this group but very sorry that you have the need of it. I can imagine that you feel, not only devasted but also such a sense of betrayal. I know that is how I have felt when learned that what I believed to be true was actually a lie. It took me a long time to be able to trust myself again and it was only with the help of some good friends and some professional help that I was able to put my life back together and make some progress in healing.