Getty Images and AARP present the Disrupt Aging Collection, a searchable photo collection that redefines what it means to get older. Take a look.

Silver Conversationalist

"I'm Divorced" Now What? Series Part 2

Message 1 of 1

"I'm Divorced" Now What Series Part 2


What a night!  How was your night?  I am on other websites/blogs from time to time and I chat with many people (males & females) going through hard and challenging times in their relationships. I say "relationships" because I have ran into a few couples who have not yet crossed over into the divorced zone; they are close, but no cigar. I suppose it was our fate that brought us together.


Last night, I was told thank you about 10 times by a woman named Mary who said I saved her 26 year marriage to her husband Jerry. The past few weeks she and Jerry call me every Friday night to say Hi and to say thank you. We have been chatting/texting/emailing/ and had many phone calls for over the past 7 to 8 months. I told them last night, Hey you guy's, both of you, STOP!, and I told them "BOTH of YOU saved your marriage and 26 years, not me". I pointed out to them, I just helped them both stop for a moment and got them to inhale and breathe before they suffocated. They are definitely over their major marriage hurdle blues and I do believe they will have many more years together and a healthier marriage. It warms my heart to know they both have helped to save their marriage and that’s what marriage was suppose to be about, each other.


So there are the key words folks! "Healthier Marriage".   You read and hear many people talking about all the different levels in the big picture of a marriage and what went wrong, but it is seldom you see or hear of any preventive steps that were ever taken over the years to help protect the marriage.  Some married couples did reach for counseling towards the end, but it's like having an illness that is incurable at that point.  It's not like we can take our marriage to the doctor once a year and get a check up. Wouldn't it have been nice to have been able to go into the doctor’s office once a year to have our marriage examined? The doctor could have prescribed a remedy and made us well again. We might have had a better chance of getting our marriage trouble symptoms identified sooner or at least been stabilized instead of our marriage sickness growing into a life threatening disease.


Let’s look at that nasty word, "Disease".





noun: disease; plural noun: diseases  

a disorder of structure or function in a human, animal, or plant, especially one that produces specific signs or symptoms or that affects a specific location and may spread into and effect other areas............



I tell ya, switch a few words around in the above definition and it sure sounds just like the initial root cause for a bad marriage.


Isn't that what happened in most of our relationships and marriages.  Something, somewhere got in small and attacked a part of one person, then it made its way into another part of that person and it started making them even weaker. The invading disease just kept bouncing around in the person and then jumped over into the other person along the way. The couple put off going to see the doctor because bills had to be paid, kids needed attention, this birthday, this holiday, taxes were due, the mother-in-law got very sick, your cousin got in a bad car wreck, and life itself just got in the way and the doctors visit never made their list. And before the couple knew what was happening to them it was too late to make an appointment.  I am sure you see my point.


There is no rhyme or reason as to where each couples trouble began. It could have started in the mind, in the heart, in the whole body. The trouble could have started with one's age, a death in the family, social media input; their children could have started the process. There are over a billion reasons as to where and how each marriages disease started.  It must be noted that those of us that are divorced may never know exactly where and when the entry point was for our failed marriage. We have the final answer and we have the "big picture" answers to why our marriages failed. We must learn to accept that we may never know why or when the exact time or day was when our marriage turned into a disease.



The good news is, here's what we can do!  We can learn from what we have lost.  We can grow into a more educated person concerning relationships and just how tender they really are. We can learn how to take steps in our next relationship and make sure our partner and ourselves remain healthy together.  I know, you may not have another partner or your divorce is still too fresh to even think about another partner, but trust me, you may change your mind in time and be ready to share yourself with someone again one day. Even if a platonic level relationship comes up in your life, you should still want that relationship to be and remain healthy also.



Even if you stay single the rest of your life, I hope you will not take yourself for granted. If you are still angry, mad, confused, etc. (and you know what I am saying here) then that "disease" is still inside of you. You really need to get rid of it and let yourself be healthy once again.



I ask you to ask yourself:



Do you really want to continue to be a bitter person?


Do you really want others to see you as a negative and angered person?

(Trust me, other people can see below the surface sometimes)


Are you really the same person you were before you got married?


At the very least, don't you care about your mental and physical well being?


I think you will answer "NO" to the above first 3 questions and "YES" to the last question.


Regardless of how you answered the above, you are here reading this so you are seeking or looking for some type of advice, answers, or direction.



Sit back and think about yourself now, you still have yourself after your divorce. The real question is now, what are you gone to do with you? My first step and goal was to heal, I am still healing, and I am still working on getting out every last piece of the disease that helped cause my marriage to fail.


The road to divorce recovery is mostly long and not easy, but you have to start somewhere. Why not start with "YOU" and let yourself begin to heal yourself.


Have a great upcoming week.


PS I love music, all kinds of music. I find many pearls of wisdom in some of the messages that bands have put together. If you have never heard the song below or know of it, I suggest you listen to it even if you don't like this style of music. Listen to the message within the song. It does fit some of the roads we are on now.



"And you may ask yourself, What is that beautiful house?

      And you may ask yourself, Where does that highway go to?

And you may ask yourself, Am I right? Am I wrong?

     And you may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"


The bands name:  Talking Heads

Song title: "Once in a Lifetime".................. this song can be found on youtube


Report Inappropriate Content
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Are you new to the online community? Say Hi and tell us a bit about yourself, your interests, and how we can help make this community a great experience for you!

close-up group of seniors smiling at camera