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"I'm Divorced" Now What? Series Part 1

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"No one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned,

From all this you'd imagine that there must be something learned"

                              Pete Townshend - Musician ( Song titled: Slit Skirts )

 

Hello to ya,

 

I want to thank those that have let me know they like my posts and my thoughts have given them "more things" to think about. You can message me at anytime and I will listen to you. I cannot say I will have a solution, I cannot say I know for certain what's right, but I can guarantee I will listen and chat with you.

 

So I was asked as to what secrets do I have to survive a divorce and why am I now so enlightened after my divorce. Please refer to the song lyrics above from Pete Townshend. My user name on AARP is "noblefool" and I chose this name since I was "the fool who's badly burned" and I was told by my Sister that it was noble of me to admit to myself I was foolish. So there you have it, I am the noblefool. If you have never heard the song above, even if you don't like that style of music, I suggest listening to it, as it will make sense to some divorced people.

 

My secrets.  My secrets, Hmmmmm.  Sorry, really nothing up my sleeve here.  No magical crystal ball here, no magical cards, I have a good educational background but no PhD, so I guess folks I have no secrets.  I guess to best answer the question of what my secrets are is, I think I just CARE.

 

I believe my divorce has had such a profound impact on my life that it rekindled a part of me which I had forgot existed, CARE.  I think before my divorce, I became so self-consumed with myself like many people today, that I just forgot about other peoples needs. I didn't avoid other people or family completely, but I think I could have done a much better job handing out attention rather then trying to get it from everyone. I use to care a lot when I was a younger man and I use to like to do things for people just because it made them happy, which in turn made me happy. I think one's self is important also but there should be a balance, sometimes we lose that life balance and don't even know it.

 

For some reason or another I chose to be open minded and look at my divorce in different ways, as opposed to the way most divorced people do.  I figure I just spent 23 years with the same woman, a woman who was half of the marriage, we had a family and still have 3 children, struggled a few times, and in the end I really hated some of the things she did to me, and she was not in love towards the last couple of years in our marriage and that really hurt, but I CANNOT, I will NOT take away from the fact, bad or good, "I" still had a marriage for 23 years and I will always respect what "We" had for a moment in our marriage and lives together, not for how and where our marriage ended up.

 

My point here is to try and look at what you had in a different meaning, in a different light.  And not as to where you were at, but more so as to where you are going. Some of you may have had a really bad marriage and I know some of you got your heart ripped out. You should try to find a new way to look at your marriage/divorce differently. We have so many emotions flying around inside of us when we fail at something which brings on so much anger, makes us so quick to assign blame, and we all hate to be the one who is wrong.  You know it to well, "It's not my fault", we all have said that before.

 

Some women (and some men) have had some real horrific marriages and some of these spouses probably need to get mental help or put in jail, and I really hate hearing people being treated like a piece of dirt. If I can do anything for such people in these situations, I will do so, I promise.  There are many of us here that will try and help, just reach out, just ask.

 

I cannot say I am a leading authority on divorce (but I am divorced) . I cannot say I can make the pain and hurt go away. I cannot say I have all the answers. I cannot say or tell you what is right or wrong for you.   I cannot tell you why you went through such suffering and have lost so much. 

 

What I can tell you is that I am here for you.  I can and will listen to you.  I can and will extend my hand to yours if you reach out to me.  I can tell you there are other community members who will in fact chat and try to help you also. 

 

Please see my other posts as you will be able to see parts of my life and as to what type of divorce I went through. In my posts, I try to discuss the lessons learned from a divorce, possibly what your spouse was thinking (or not thinking) and the possible roads to recovery from a divorce or break up, and to help possibly find a better life road in the future for you.

 

I will continue to be inspired from your thoughts, your posts, and messages that we share with each other.

 

It's kinda funny, I just had another......I dunno what to call it moment...... like a "REALLY!" you say to yourself moment.     I was about to say...........

 

"I look forward.........to your future message................then it hit me in the face.........

 

.............and you know, I really don't look forward to hearing  your getting or going through a divorce, or your heart is broken and smashed, or you just lost everything and someone you loved.................so I will just simply say this.............

 

.................I am here and willing to share with you.

 

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