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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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Round and round it goes, where it will stop nobody knows.

 

I think it depends on why and how a couple got divorced.

 

Many marriages split with both sides still loving each other internally, but just can't be together anymore for numerous reasons. I believe that it all depends on so many circumstances and as to where each person is at in their new separate lives.

 

Some marriages getting back together probably do not have a chance at all. Some marriages go out so bad that revisiting even the thought of getting back together sends a person into a comma. So there is really no point talking about the "lost" group, their done, it's over, and not ever gonna happen. Since they have that kind of attitude, then that is the outcome for them. They have already chosen to never reconcile their marriage and their fate is sealed. I wish them all the best and wish you luck with whatever comes your way. If you are one of these people, don't bother reading further because none of this will make any sense then.

 

On the brighter side,

 

marriage reconciliation does happen, and will continue to happen for some people.  Those people that took time to get to know themselves a little more during their departure from their marriage and figure out that perhaps, just maybe their marriage wasn't so bad after all. It doesn't happen in a day or a week, it generally takes a long time for people to have self discovery moments and are faced with new realities when they leave their marriage. Sometimes you have to lose it all to understand what you had.

 

You know the saying:     "You don't know what you got, until it's gone"

 

If you are one of these people (male or female, doesn't matter what gender you are) that has had enough time to sort things out by yourself, or went and did what you had to do while being single and got it all out of your system, I stress to you to not wait too long to pick up that phone and make that call.    Someone has to make the call, maybe your ex is thinking the same thing, maybe not, you won't know until a call is made. The more years you were married then the more you knew that person, so I am sure you have a good guess as to what your ex is thinking to some extent.

 

Now the "feelings" part, that's a whole different subject.  If one thinks about it, that's where the real trouble started, the "feelings".  Those darn feelings or lack of such, drive that brain of ours into overdrive and we think all over the board.  Next thing you know, the heart gets brought into the process and then we got stuff flying all over place inside of us.  Then to top it all off, the worst enemy comes up inside of us that gets right upfront to really seal the deal and it's name is called "Pride". We stick that chest out there, flex those muscles and show them just how right we are.  Really? Think about it, you know it all to be true.

 

Then you wake up one day in the future and your sitting there alone, maybe with a drink or a coffee in your hand, maybe in a shopping mall, maybe while eating dinner, it could be anywhere or with anyone, and you say to yourself, "What in the heck happened?", "Why did I......", "We could have......", "I should have........", etc.

 

If a person has these self realization moments and internal thoughts of self truthful regrets for leaving their marriage or at least missing that person, then they need to ask themselves why they are having such thoughts. It's okay that you may have made a mistake, we make them all the time, both male and female, we are after all "Humans". And by the way, you may have been the one who wanted out of the marriage most, or maybe you didn't want out at all, even still you were the other half and you also left the marriage. ( Or did you ever really leave completely?, that's my point. )

 

So if you went out of your marriage on somewhat of a civil level and not too much damage was done going out the door, I think there is a good chance you can reunite your marriage as if you never left. I am not saying it will be easy and it may take a long time to work things out. Only difference this time around is that all that was wrong will be discussed. All the bad things will be left behind you two in the past where it belongs and your marriage has a chance of becoming stronger together in the future. It does happen, I have seen numerous divorced couples reunite over the years and their initial divorce was probably the very thing that helped rescue them.

 

So I would say yes, if there is a ghost of chance to talk and reconcile with my ex, I would. I believe 2nd chances are given for a reason, I don't mean self pity or empty sorrowful chances, I am talking about "true" second chances. One indicator of a true 2nd chance is when that old enemy called pride has left town and your chest is not so big anymore. Also, you will know if it's a true 2nd chance for you two, you will know..

 

If your second chance does come, and I hope it does for you if that's what you want, don't look the gift horse in the mouth, grab and run with it, the both of you just might end up being happier then ever, and what turned out so wrong can become once again, so right.

 

 

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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NO, I would not take him back. I don't despise him anymore, but he hasn't changed.

The only way that I could get out of  a messy, long divorce, was to quit deed all properties, including the house we lived in, and I settled for enough to pay off my bills and take some classes at the Junior college. My daughters thought I was nuts for not asking for half, but I would do the same, if I had it to do over.  You don't know what a freeing feeling it was to live life on my own terms, instead of his. Now I wish him well, which he isn't . Even if asked to come and be his caregiver, I would not. Thank goodness my youngest daughter is there for him but I don't envy her the responsibility.

Gosh that seems like a lifetime ago, but it's only been what.....almost 10yrs?

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The price of freedom

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To be free of my controlling emotionally abusive wife, I lost half my assets, paid my lawyer 70k, her lawyer 50k, lost another 50k selling an underwater house, and I must pay 32k a year alimony until the day I die. I went through 4 years of litigation in family court and the court of appeals, and then federal bankruptcy court.

The astonishing truth is that it was worth it.

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Re: RE: Would you take him/her back?

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Well I would not take you back either after being married to you for 10 years taking care of your parents and then your kids I  never was put on the top of your list for anything and after you called my little grandson IT for so long and wouldn't let the little boy even dust your hot rod 

you never took me out to dinner and said I love you or THANK YOU for anything I worked a factory job

just like you did  I took good care of your parents for 5 of the 10 years cooking cleaning and helping mom with her baths and you had the nerve to put in your pictures on Facebook I 'am not with stupid anymore in t shirt form staying in front of the motorcycle i brought you But i guess your right

you are not with stupid nor will you ever be again I dare you make out like you are such a good man

when you never help me do anything

 

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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 I would never take my x back - I might an old girlfriend ,but never an X .I wouldn't blame someone else if they did . That!s their business , They my have had different circumstances in their marriage - than I did . I may always have some love for her but would not do a do over after 26 years failed

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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In Response to Re: Would you take him/her back?:



No, he's remarried to the woman he cheated with. I found that he had cheated all thru out 33 year marriage and that he never loved me. He has a personality disorder and I happened to be in the wrong place when he needed a wife. I know that sounds odd but that's my ex. I've been divorced for six years now and finally I have him out of my life financially. No more vindictive stunts and my life is now quiet.





Posted by trisha9054





I was in a very similar situation; my ex had Narcissistic Personality Disorder and also cheated on me.  We were together 30 years, married for 25 but I'm SO  happy to have this person no longer controlling my life.  I have less financially but I wouldn't go back to the emotional abuse for all the money in the world



There is nothing like sitting out on my deck, watching the stars and knowing I'm in charge of my own life now. 

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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No, he's remarried to the woman he cheated with. I found that he had cheated all thru out 33 year marriage and that he never loved me. He has a personality disorder and I happened to be in the wrong place when he needed a wife. I know that sounds odd but that's my ex. I've been divorced for six years now and finally I have him out of my life financially. No more vindictive stunts and my life is now quiet.

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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No, I would not take any of them back,  That's right, there have been four of them and each one has it's own story and has been an adventure.  I will also say that dealing with it more times does not make it easier.  When #3 was ending I went into therapy and joined several groups as I didn't want to repeat my pattern.  It's almost funny to think of now, but that's exactly what happened when my college boyfriend called out of the blue and became #4.



My point is that we never know what is going to happen or who we will meet along the way.  At this point I really like being alone and being able to do whatever I want to do.  I'm not doing anything in order to meet someone even while I know that someonce could cross my path and I might decide a relationship might be a good idea.  I don't think I would marry again as things seem to change as soon as the vows are said.



My advice is to really get to know yourself and learn how to make yourself happy.  Then you are in the positon to decide if some other person will fit into your life.

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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No.  We should never have married in the first place. It was bad for both of us, and yet we tried so hard, naively.    I subdued so much of myself to match what he wanted out of respect for his uprightness.  Then I found he went outside our marriage, many times.  So this brought all into question.   He was not the strong individual I thought he was.   I was more decisive than I formally believed.     Just writing this, I understand more what I gained by giving up my fears and learning to trust the correct things - my maker, myself, the present moment I am in, forgiveness and goodness.     



 



 



 



 

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Re: Would you take him/her back?

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Joining divorce recovery groups is a wonderful way to help find your way.  I know it was a life-saver for me.  Don't push yourself.  Time really DOES heal wounds...at least it helps.  I was married for 43 years when he left me for another woman.  It was life-altering!  Like you, I didn't think that I would ever be interested in another man.  But, after a time, I did go on Seniorpeoplemeet.com.  I was lucky; I found a wonderful man.  I will never marry again, but I now have somebody who cares about me and shares my life.  So, don't paint yourself into a corner with thoughts that you will never again be able to love.  Just do the things you need to do to make your life the best it can be! 



Taking any X back is a difficult thing to do; I've heard the success rate statistics aren't very good.



In Response to Re: Would you take him/her back?:



Would you take him back? I am not sure. I can actually say "I loved him and always will" and that is why I need to think about my future. I don't know if I can ever love again. I've been through so much. I thought he was my soul mate forever. But there were too many deceptions, jealousy with his family and their interferences and there were serious mental issues that I could not fix. There was always something special about him. So now I am in limbo. I don't know how to move on much less actually date. I would like to, but I just don't know how. I'm afraid of the online dating...it sounds to risky..remember, we are seniors. I am going to join divorce recovery group and hoping that will shed some light on my feelings and how to deal with moving on. There's not alot of social activities that I could join. I'm on a tight budget so I am pretty much going to continue being alone. Any suggestions helpful





Posted by mesmariah80



 

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