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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Toxic marriage?

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Hi @MelindaC958843  I think this is a good time to get very honest with yourself. Do you want a divorce or do you want to work this out? (I don't need to know the answer, I just think you need to get to the absolute truth of what you want before you take action. Smiley Happy)

 

Food for thought:

Statistically, divorced women end up impoverished. I'm not able to state that stat as it pertains to senior women, but the things you reference relative to your financial position suggest that divorce is going to put you through financial pain (putting it mildly).  So think carefully about that.

 

You suggest that you love your husband despite the state of your relationship. Do you want to return to a mutually beneficial, loving relationship? I mean, maybe there's a great guy out there for a newly divorced you. Maybe there's a fantastically happy new life out there for you. Maybe a fresh start will bring your every dream to fruition ... but truth is those possibilities start with you being ready to recognize and seize all that wonderful when it arrives. What I'm saying is this: you can divorce your husband, but unless you focus on your own development, you are still going to be the same person, that being the one who has had 50% of the responsibility for bringing your current marriage to the breaking point. To have a better life, you'll have to begin with working on yourself. 

 

Just food for thought intended to help you think through the choices ahead. I wish you the kind of clarity that ushers in joy unspeakable. Smiley Happy

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life - mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical." Julius Erving
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Re: Toxic marriage?

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Hi Honey, I just read your post. I am there, only a couple of steps farther. I suggest you google “Divorce laws of your state “. Then I would go to the bank where you have your accounts and ask for a copy of your statements for a year. This should give you a picture of your financial state. I would then try to find your last 5 years of income tax statements. I just saw a topic on this site that says “thinking divorce through”. I would do this first and I am going to as soon as I get finished with your post. It may negate everything I just posted. I do want to warn you to be as discreet as possible..Do not talk to your children yet. As you continue your journey I wish you well. I don’t have any friends now either so I know the loneliness you have felt since your kids moved out. Hang in there, BeBe727
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Toxic marriage?

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Hi we've been married for coming on 26 years haven't had intimacy for the last probably 10 law that has to do with me. I have a lot of resentment towards my husband because I don't like the way he is he doesn't have any contact with his family he says he doesn't care about anything our kids are are grown they all have jobs we just tolerate each other pretty much I don't like the way he is he doesn't like the way I am we don't have any friends. We probably have stayed together all these years to raise the kids otherwise you probably would have been divorced a long time ago. It's very hard to do things together because he says I know it all we don't have a lot of common we fight a lot. We own a house together and he says he's going to leave and I don't know what to do. You know you can love somebody but you can also hate them. I haveI have a car payment I can't afford to pay the mortgage on the house if he leaves I'm scared. I'm going to be 63 this year and I work full time I've never lived on my own. I don't think any kind of counseling is really going to help I don't know what to do I don't think we can never get back where we were. Is there any advice?

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