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Re: The last straw

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30 years! 30 years is a very long time together.

 

Ya know, I always try to find a way to save a marriage, but in this case, I think it's too late.

 

You are one strong person holding on for dear life to your marriage. I think you have done everything possible and held out as long as a person can. You forgave him once and you have forgiven him again. I think it's time you forgive him for letting your marriage fall apart and move on.

 

You mentioned he loves you. He in fact may love you, but it seems he does not love and respect your marriage and does not love you in the ways a husband should love his wife. He does have a sense of care towards you and that's just not enough to make it in the long run. .It's your 30th year together and he should be bragging to the world of his love for you of over 30 years, yet he didn't even get you a card!  Flowers perhaps? I don't see you mentioning anything else spectacular he has done for your 30th anniversary so I can understand why you feel walked upon.

 

It seems as if you have a heart full of love and passion that needs love and this is a great thing. I must agree with everyone else that it's time for you to move on. Seems to me you have much to offer someone else who is willing to give you the same love back in return for yours. You have identified what is wrong in your marriage, what your needs and wants are, and there seems to be no signs of your husband or the marriage turning back into what they should be for you.

 

Freedom has a cost and it has it's own rewards over time. I suggest you begin your process of freedom and find the type of love you truly deserve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: The last straw

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Hanging on for what? It is a difficult decision, but it doesn't look like things are going too change.
Talk to a lawyer - TODAY!
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Re: The last straw

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Get a lawyer....and best of luck. You deserve better!
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Re: The last straw

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One of my college buddies worked in Saudi for his first few years out of school, so I know he was making a lot more, than our peers stateside. But he did it for a limited time to build up a nest, and was fortunate to meet a professional woman there (from another country), who became his wife. So it made sense as a short-term investment, that financially allowed them to come back to the U.S., with him going back to graduate school full-time, and for her/them to start a family.

 

With your children grown up & on their own, what's your husband's reasoning, for taking a position long-term, that makes it impossible for you to have a real marriage? If your children are grown & on their own, and you're unfulfilled in your marriage, your #1 priority needs to be financially preparing for the rest of YOUR life .. with your daughters dealing with their own daycare. Could you make ends meet, if you were working full-time?

 

My guess is that with your husband living/working in another country long-term, it should be easy enough for you to get a divorce, and be entitled to both assets & income from your marriage. If you aren't already totally aware of your husband's & your joint assets, you should take steps to find out exactly what he/you have now, before saying anything about "divorce"!


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Re: The last straw

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We have three grown up children who have all left home and both our daughters have a baby. I only work part time so that I can help with the childcare so I can't afford to pay the mortgage and the bills on my own. And you're right I don't know what he's doing while he's away for months on end and I know that a few of the guys he worked with have had affairs while they were there but I've no way of finding out what he's up to. I don't blame you not wanting a marriage like mine. I did mention giving up work to go and live with him like some of his mates wives have done but he says I'd be bored, miss my granddaughters and that it's no life. I said that id go and visit him later this year but he said he wants to try and get home to see the girls so he obviously doesn't want me there. Am I being stupid hanging on in there? It's good to get a view from someone who's neutral.
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Re: The last straw

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I'll start by saying that I'm not married; but I wouldn't want to be "married" the way you describe your relationship. You haven't mentioned a few very important points: do you have children & how old are they? Do you have a job/source of income & assets of your own? How do you know what your husband's doing where he works; he could be cheating the whole time he's away from you? Right now, all it sounds like is that you're tied to someone, which makes it impossible for you to try to develop a healthy relationship, for the rest of your life.


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The last straw

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Hi I'm new here and looking for some advice. My husband works in the Middle East and only comes home twice a year. He's been out there for 4 years and basically it saved our marriage. He had cheated on me twice in the few years before he went. The second time I found out eventually had been going on for 2 years and only ended as she was moving away. I forgave him and tried to put it all behind me. He was fine for a while very attentive and always saying sorry but now I feel that he just takes me for granted and 'walks all over me'. We're on holiday at the moment "celebrating" our 30th anniversary. He didn't even bother to get me a card! I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014 and treatment is over and thankfully all is good at the moment but I feel that he's only with me out of pity. He shows me no affection whatsoever except a quick peck on the cheek when he's obviously feeling guilty. Sex has been a no no for years he's just not interested and we now sleep in separate rooms when he's home. He tells me he loves me but how can he when he treats me like a leper? We're going home on Sunday and we have another few days together before he goes back to work so I really need to make up my mind about what happens next. Do I stay in a
Loveless long distance marriage or do I now call it a day? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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