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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 11 of 20

Hard call, I'm in a similar boat- Mr. Dependable, pay all the bills, have to continually allow our adult son to do whatever he wants when he wants -because Mom says so.  The heirarchy in our home is: 1Smiley Surprisedur Son; 2Smiley Surprisedur Daughter; 3:Herself; 4:Handicapped student from school; 5Smiley Surprisedur Dog; 6:Me-hubby.  That is the frustrating part- she always says 'yes' to whatever 1-5 want or need, and I usually say 'no' until I get more details on how this will affect our budget. Won't go to marriage counseling. So, what to do? 25th Anniversary was marked as a milestone, but not much more. Didn't even get a 'pass' to play the 'cancer card' - in her mind, she "knew I wouldn't die, so don't worry about it"- easy for others to say. Frustrated- why do I stay where there is no tender touch anymore- bad habit, or what? Suggestions? 

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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 12 of 20

 "I have met someone with no intentions of anything happening, but she treats me like I want to be treated, she shows that she cares for me."
It sounds as though you've already left the marriage mentally and emotionally.  You say you have no intentions of anything happening...but, if you're honest with yourself, things have happened...you consciously decided to share your time, your emotions and yourself (albeit, not physically) with another woman. 
Seems you've answered your own question...the best of luck to you...we all deserve to be happy!

 

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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 13 of 20
It depends, on what your getting out of being with her. Maybe you like being a caretaker, maybe you don't really want to leave ( it's scary to start over).
Why are you doing all the housework??
Start taking care of yourself make time for yourself. I would tell her about the other woman. She may need a wake up call.
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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 14 of 20

I was thinking along the same lines.  I think we must grab happiness with both hands if it comes our way.  It helps to have accrued some wisdom while doing this grabbing.  It did not work so well for me when I was young.

hoc voluērunt
Gaius Julius Ceasar
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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 15 of 20
PURDUE1086...YES you deserve to be happy!
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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 16 of 20

Oops .. sorry I missed the comment that counseling hadn't helped! Your children are old enough to understand, and you can time your "exit strategy" to coincide with the younger one finishing college, if you want.


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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 17 of 20

@purdue1086 wrote:

I have met someone with no intentions of anything happening, but she treats me like I want to be treated, she shows that she cares for me.

 

We've tried counseling a couple of times and that has done zero to help the situation.


______________________________________________________________________________

The reason I say leave is that counseling has already been attempted; it did no good.

 

Now, you are probably making a statement above about meeting someone that will end up untrue. You may have no intentions of anything happening but judging from your comment, things inevitably will happen.

 

Be truthful with yourself and your present spouse. For the length of time you have been married; your spouse deserves at least that.

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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 18 of 20

Have you & your wife ever gone for counselling, to discuss the issues, and decide if the marriage can be saved? If you haven't, that would be a good first step. Never equate the exciting potential of another relationship with someone new - who has no obligation or history with you - with your long marriage. If you do decide to separate & file for divorce, plan to be on your own for a year, before starting a new relationship.


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Re: Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 19 of 20

Leave.

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Stay in a 29 year Loveless Sexless Marriage or Leave and Be Happy?

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Message 20 of 20

Hi everyone, well I am not sure where to even begin with this whole thing. My wife and I have been having problems for a long time. No fights or yelling, just a loss of love and zero passion, and sex, what’s that...... it been over 5 years..... I've tried to do everything I can to make her happy, I do all the house work, cook the meals take care of the outside of the house, pay the bills etc. Whatever she’s has wanted I have given to her. There is zero passion, no hugs, no soft touches nothing that makes me feel any love, it more like living with my sister then my wife..... We have two grown children one is one her own and one is still in collage. I have met someone with no intentions of anything happening, but she treats me like I want to be treated, she shows that she cares for me. I am torn on what I do, do I stay married and just plan on being unhappy in a loveless sexless marriage or do I move forward? We've tried counseling a couple of times and that has done zero to help the situation. Bottom line, I think our love has changed, I don't hate her and I feel she looks at me as the one to just take care of her..... I am I correct in thinking this? I worry about hurting others feelings and thinking I should just live with it just like I have for the past 10 years....... Do I deserve to be happy? Advise, thoughts comments?

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