Help seniors affected by the California wildfires! Donate now and your gift will be matched up to a total of $300,000.

Reply
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1428
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,428 Views
Message 1 of 13
Thanks for your kind words.
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1428
Views
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1596
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,596 Views
Message 2 of 13
I'm so sorry that your marriage was not what you hoped for. You are going to need a lawyer who can advocate for spousal support. You should also look into DivorceCare online. You absolutely need support for your defeated soul.
She sounds like she has mental health issues. Wow!
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1596
Views
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1776
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,776 Views
Message 3 of 13
Thanks. Yea, I've had fusion and rods inserted too. I haven't had a pain free day since April, 2007. Pain meds only take the edge off. I went to a counselor for depression and she told me to just look at her as a cancer and, like real cancer, overcoming is painful but I can have a good life. So, I'm trying to focus on my next life and making the best of it.
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1776
Views
Conversationalist
0
Kudos
1785
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,785 Views
Message 4 of 13
  1. I am so sorry you had to go through this! I sincerely hope you can at least find some peace which will lead to happiness and eventually love. I hope you can get some help with your pain! I had back surgery 9 years ago so I know about that pain. Good luck to you. 
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1785
Views
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1832
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,832 Views
Message 5 of 13

IMHO, you should start a new chapter in your life and move on. Your life is speacial and you deserve to be happy. Best wishes.

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1832
Views
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1835
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,835 Views
Message 6 of 13

 

 

I'm a 54 year old guy married for 21 years. We had a great marriage for, ironically, the first seven years. Because she worked crazy hours in retail, all the home duties except cooking fell on me even though I had a good job as well. I did all the cleaning, the budget, the dishes, the laundry, the yard...everything. She insisted on cooking because she didn't like my cooking. Then she started getting dominate. She didn't want to let me talk to her. I know it sounds crazy but she did not want to let me talk. She would change the subject, talk over me even leave the room. It get's really frustrating when you can't carry on a simple conversation.  Then the sex stopped. Then the all the intimacy we shared went away too. he only wanted to kiss hello, goodbye and goodnight. Not any sort of passionate kiss. Just a peck. I'd ask her what the problem is and she denied there was any problem. I'd tell her how I felt and she would say "it's just not true". I'm the first to admit I'm far from perfect but I do try as best as I can and am always trying to be a better human but, yea, I'd get frustrated when she didn't want to talk and act out. I wanted the life I had at the start and didn't know what to do except "negotiate", which completely failed. We would go around in circles and never make any progress. She was determined to keep our relationship where it is.

 

Then the other shoe dropped. My back went. I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. I was in constant pain and had to go on disability. As my condition deteriorated, I would become increasingly exasperated in my loveless marriage. Ever just want a hug or even cuddle? Yea, I'm a hugger. I would get frustrated and ask her what they heck is her problem to only get a denial. Because I've been working since I was a 12 year old, I just didn't sit on my duff watching tv. No, I was doing all that I did before. The only thing she did was cook. I finally put my foot down. I insisted we go to a counselor. She actually started to admit there was a problem. She would tell me "I want to fix me". I actually had some hope. After a few visits to the counselor, she suddenly changed her tune and declared I was an abuser and it was all my fault. I would try to reason with her and do everything the counselor told us to do to no avail. She didn't change a single behavior. I finally concluded she wants to be the dominate person in a celibate relationship.

 

So, a few months ago she told me she wants to divorce. After 23 years together, we're divorcing. I'm now 54, in constant pain and broke. I get to find out how to live on $350 a week. I can't afford a mover so I'm only going to be able to take what I can carry. That means no bed, no couch and not much else. I feel cheated. I did everything I could for US. She took a great marriage and tried to turn it into a some sort of dominance game. She's telling everyone I'm a bully and an abuser. It's a living nightmare for me. I'll be leaving in a few months to a solitary life of pain and poverty. At least she'll finally be gone.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1835
Views
Conversationalist
1
Kudos
1931
Views

Re: Senior divorce

1,931 Views
Message 7 of 13
  • Sounds like you are in a really good place and that is great! Good for you!!
Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
1931
Views
Info Seeker
1
Kudos
2054
Views

Re: Senior divorce

2,054 Views
Message 8 of 13

I have been married for 18 yrs this Feb. I am not thinking of divorce especially, but of separation for 6 months or so. At 75 I can't stand the arguing, yelling, drinking and loss of communication we seem to have. 

My only son passed on Easter last year, he was my Rock,at 56, high blood pressure killed him. I went to 6 wks of counseling, dealing with a husband who has 0 compassion for anything. 

He has 3 adult daughters he has not had contact with in 45 years. At 83, I am his 5th wife.

I am not in love with him. I married him for financial security but he has spent all money I had and he is broke. 

We do own our home and each own a car. 

He refuses therapy or marriage counseling. 

Open for suggestions... 

 

 

 

 

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
2054
Views
Info Seeker
2
Kudos
2134
Views

Re: Senior divorce

2,134 Views
Message 9 of 13

I too divorced after 38 yrs when my husband slept with my sister, after being separated for 3 yrs he finally signed the papers so he could remarry, it' been a hard road but i  feel life is better, I do miss male companionship which is funny because I had male friends when married but lost track of them, luckily I have a support system and a great counelor to help during the sad times

Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
2134
Views
Info Seeker
1
Kudos
2335
Views

Re: Senior divorce

2,335 Views
Message 10 of 13
I did not have a divorce late in life, but my feelings when I had it over 40 years ago were much the same as yours. But I learned fairly quickly that it had been the right thing to do and I have never regretted it. I have wonderful children and grown grandchildren and a full life.I’m 81 now and very grateful I don’t have to take care of anybody but me.😉
Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
2335
Views