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Re: Possibly Leaving after 27 years

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You do what is necessary to enjoy happiness for the rest of your time here on earth.
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Re: Possibly Leaving after 27 years

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Your happiness is very important. Make a decision and stick to it, no matter what.
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Re: Possibly Leaving after 23 YRS

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I have put up with an alcoholic, addict, sex addict and now I am 65 and feel so trapped.  I  fear starting over.  I do understand. Keep in touch.

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Possibly Leaving after 27 years

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My husband has been depressed/bi-polar as long as I've known him.  I was so anxious to get married and have kids, I convinced myself I would take care of him and he'd be happy.  Nope!  27 years and 4 kids later, he is different, but the same.  When we were younger, he had a lot of explosive temper fits.  Nothing physical, but he uses his mouth like a weapon.  There was door slamming, throwing things and insults galore. I became the mom who tried to give my kids someone they could trust, rely on and predict - a soft place to fall.  As a result, I let them get away with a lot (they've never really been in trouble, just lazy).  Now, my husband doesn't explode as often, but when he does, it is worse than ever.  He screams at the top of his lungs, saying horrible things and has a look like he's possessed or has completely lost his mind.  Then, he leaves and I'm left to deal with my scared children, who are now 17, 19, 21 and 24.  All 4 of my kids have some level of anxiety, depression and panic attacks.  I do too.  It's funny that most of us are on medication because of someone who won't consider medication. He is also the most negative person I've ever met. He walks around mubbling negativity, looks at everything negatively and exaggerates reactions or possible results of scenerios, like "(our oldest son) will live with us in our basement, living off our money for the rest of our lives".  My son is so used to being told (indirectly) how much of a loser he is and how he'll never do anything with his life.  He thinks this will motivate him, though years of proof it won't doesn't occur to him.  He has a "life sucks, poor me, I'll just die soon and you can be happy" etc.  I'm so tired of it.  Besides that, It's affecting my health.  I feel like I have PTSD.  A couple of months ago, I had a vivid dream that I was sleeping and woke to my husband screaming at the top of his lungs at my kids.  This was something that happened many times (not a dream). I jumped out of bed in my sleep and woke up standing next to the bed and looked in bed only to realize my husband was asleep.  I have NEVER done that!  I am a light sleeper.  I have always run to my kids' rescue when he starts flipping out.  Last summer, we had one of these episodes, and it was bad.  He left and went to a hotel.  He stayed 4 or 5 nights, and I had decided I'd had enough.  A pet sitting job I had started during this time and they said I could stay at their apartment if I needed to, so when he came home I moved in there for a week. After a week or so, he started texting me.  Then, one of our dogs got diagnosed with kidney failure with days to live.  So, I went home to visit him and he insisted we "talk". It's pointless because all we do is argue.  He promised he'd get help if I came back.  That was July, and needless to say, he has not gotten help. I have given up so much over the years: my degree - stayed home with our kids working part time jobs at preschools, pets - he would agree to get pets and then make my life a living hell until I gave them away (specifically a parrot, a rabbit, chickens, a ferret.) It didn't help.  He just moved on to other things to complain about.  My problem is, I know I can never be happy with him.  He won't allow it.  But I'm terrified.  Money is going to be a problem because I don't make enough money and live in an expensive area. Being on my own after 30 years and a fear of missing him (what I do like about him).  Can I hear from people who've left after a long time and how it feels. How's the adjustment?  Are you happier? Etc. Thanks

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