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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 11 of 19
Im leaving my husband of 25 yrs the kids are gone so its just me and him hes a yeller and a complainer and I just want peace we have to live together for now and I can not wait for him to leave my nerves are shot!!!!!
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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 12 of 19

I was married 33 yrs.  One day my conscience told me.....NOW, and I told my ex that I want a divorce. His reaction was expected; I'm just a good for nothing ...so and so and I would not be able to make it on my own.   

Ok, it's been almost 10yrs. and thinking back, I did the right thing. I'm much poorer because of it, but money is not everything. I found that out.....finally!!

Now, I live with my best friend and we have very few disagreements. I'm worried about his health lately, and feeling guilty about thinking what I would do, if anything happened to him.

We are both on a very limited fixed income. Lately, I've been thinking about making out  my last will and testament (you just never know ). He would get everything  and that isn't much....

Even with not having much, I have everything.....including challenges, but when you can be up-front with someone and have no fear of that person, you have everything.

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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 13 of 19

I can understand. I got divorced after 25 years of marriage. She was very abusive but I decided to stay, "for the children". My awakening came whe I saw her abusing the children, in the belief it would provoke me into fist fighting with her. (That was the way her mother and father used to settle their differences). She finally walked out on us 3 days before christmas "because she felt disrespected". I filed for a divorce, which lasted 2 long years and was hell. After she walked out on us, she decided that "why go into the trouble of finding another house, when ours was really hers" She kicked me and 2 minor children out, and changed the locks. (the police did nothing) Both attorneys had to intervene to convince her that I had the children, and could make a good case in court why I should keep living in the house until settlement agreement.

 

What goes around comes around. The children (now midle aged) want nothing to do with  her. She has not been invited to weddings, nor she has ever met her granddaughter, because she is so toxic. She still thinks the kids don't talk to her because I ordered them to (not true). She gets great Alimony and part of my retirement, but I have my family back, and that is more important to me than money.

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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 14 of 19

You are blessed to have found a true love.  My divorce became final 1 week after our 25th anniversary si I didn't get those cool anniversary cards with the big number 25 on them.  He refuses to contribute to his children's education, but has no diffivulty spending money on himself (claims that to pay for your kids makes you a martyr).  He could be the subject could  be an O. Henry story, same tragic irony.  His 3 adult children have no use for him.  Like some of the other women who have responded to your post, have not met one man since who isn't looking for a caregiver/financial support source while he makes all the rules.  I have given up on having a loving relationship, but I truyly am happy for you, I am sure you deserve happiness.

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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 15 of 19

Married 21 years. Mine is the same as all. And is very different.

 

When I told my wife that I did not want to be married to her anymore it was the biggest thing that I have ever had to do.

Would have been bigger not to tell her. And to live out the rest of our lives in the uneventful, single vacations, mundane, and unchanging existence.

I believed that there HAD to be more to this life.

It came down to choosing between the certainty of misery, or the misery of all of the uncertainty.

Sigle life is filled with uncertainty. Disapointments. And just a whole lot of not knowing.

And it also comes with a thing that the previous existance did not, HOPE.

Hope for the bliss that comes from love, a relationship, the uplifting laughter and company of a woman that you respect and enjoy.

It's been seven years or so I guess. Still feel as if I am in recovery from the trauma of all that a divorce entails. The financial, psychological, physical, and spiritual.

Am single and am interested in a woman that is occupied with the caretaking of her Mother.

I don't get to see her as much as I would like. But, it makes the time all the more special.

I do enjoy the quality of this, though a quantity increase would be very welcomed. I believe that this is forthcoming.

Through it all, life is good. And the bottom line is, all that has transpired, were things that I actually caused to happen. Was all me.

Am also in the hopes that I am not caught up in the circle of forever learning and never coming to the knowledge therof.

I believe that I am closer to the end of this life than the beginning.

Don't want to waste any of the remaining.

Life is good...

Thanks for reading.

jw

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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 16 of 19
My spouse and I devoiced after 32 years of marriage. I have lived with a couple of women and to be honest I dont why I got devoiced. My spouse was a great person, I was in the military for 23 years, I was away some of the time leaving her to raise our daughter. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. I still love her.
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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 17 of 19

You are very lucky to have found such a wonderful man.  I have been divorced for 8 years after 22 years of marriage and I cannot find one honest non-cheating good man yet. So Thank the Lord!

 

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Re: Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th annivers

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Message 18 of 19

Good for you, you did the right thing...... you did what was best for you.  Sounds like you found a good love.  You are lucky... or blessed,know that and  remember that.  

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Divorced at 24 1/2 years of marriage - thought it would be tacky to wait until the 25th anniversary

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Message 19 of 19

I asked for a divorced after 24 1/2 years of marriage.  Married at 18 during the Viet Nam War.  Husband had baggage from his girl friend in Viet Nam and possible child.  I could forgive him but he couldn't forgive himself.  He became controlling, judgemental, verbally abusive.  We had two boys.  The first was born when he was in Viet Nam.  Second came after he got home.  We moved alot, didn't have a lot of friends.  I put him through college, sometimes doing his homework.  I later finished my degree.  When our oldest was in college, he got into some trouble and took off.  My huband said good ridence and would look for him.  Said he never liked him.  Of course he didn't. If it wasn't for the child he could have left when he got back from Viet Nam.  Family pressure made him stay.  I decided right then and there, if he could do this to his own blood, his son - what would he do to me if I messed up.  I was going to leave.  It took me some time but finally I asked for a divorce.  What ever love I had for him was gone.  I didn't date for a year and a half, but when I did I had a goal of remarrying.  I believe in marriage - I just needed the right person.  I was very up front with anyone I dated my goals.  I only dated a person 3 or 4 months and if I couldn't see myself married to them ended it.  I had a set of attributes I was looking for.  Hard worker, liked my family and friends, kind, generous, fun, knew things I did not.  Didn't care if I worked hard. Had no or grown children.  They didn't need to make a lot of money or have a lot of wealth or any wealth.  They needed to understand both the blue collar world of my family and corporate world I lived in.  I found the right guy and we've been married 21 years.  I was re-singled 3 years.  After 21 years, my Dear Husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers.  I am his main caregiver, best friend and we never go to sleep without saying" I love you a bushel and a peck" he say " and a hug around the neck".  I was right to leave the first marriage because there longer was love.  I have so enjoyed living the last 21 years, even with his illness - I have no regrets.

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