WATCH NOW: Iowa presidential candidate forum from Council Bluffs. Appearing: Montana Gov. Steve Bullock, South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders. 

Reply
Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
1341
Views

Re: Death of a Marriage, by Veronica McDowell, RN, NADONA, AALNC

1,341 Views
Message 1 of 6

Even though your post is over a year old, I just read it and it truly touched me. How are you doing today?

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1341
Views
Info Seeker
1
Kudos
3414
Views

Re: Death of a Marriage, by Veronica McDowell, RN, NADONA, AALNC

3,414 Views
Message 2 of 6
I can attest to the agony of going on after a devastating life interruption', it was a 30 yr marriage ended for me. .I sincerely hope you take the time to empty out the negatives, letting them fall at the wayside while you are putting the most of your energy into rediscovering the good created in YOU- I believe a relationship with the creator and focusing on some new things (1 step at a time) makes this possible!
Much Love! (MT)
Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
3414
Views
Info Seeker
2
Kudos
3766
Views

Re: Death of a Marriage, by Veronica McDowell, RN, NADONA, AALNC

3,766 Views
Message 3 of 6

Wishing you the inner strength you need to get through this period, Veronica.        I'm hoping by the time the autumn leaves start falling you'll be able to look around and realize that this new chapter may not be as dismal as you might think it is now.      

 

Life is good!

best,

jan, nyc.

Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
3766
Views
Silver Conversationalist
1
Kudos
3787
Views

Re: Death of a Marriage, by Veronica McDowell, RN, NADONA, AALNC

3,787 Views
Message 4 of 6

Hello Veronica,

 

Well, darn....................... Heart Believe me you, your not alone, there are many of us that boarded "the marriage Titanic" without knowing it. 24 years sure is a long time, I made it 23 years, a good deal of ones life gone, but it's really not Veronica, just try to think of it as a "chapter ending" in your story book.

 

I will send a post tomorrow to you as I am working on another site tonight. Please know you are not alone and you will get through this.

 

Try and have a good night Smiley Happy 

the nobelfool

 

PS I knew a girl when I was about 8 years old and here name was Veronica, I have never known another woman with that name, your name is adorable "Veronica", it's just so unique.

 

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
3787
Views
Highlighted
Social Butterfly
2
Kudos
3842
Views

Re: Death of a Marriage, by Veronica McDowell, RN, NADONA, AALNC

3,842 Views
Message 5 of 6

Veronica, my heart goes out to you. Sending hugs your way. When it comes to divorce, I'm sad to say MANY who will read this will feel your pain as divorce seems to be more common than not. My first suggestion to you is for you to find and become part of a divorce therapy group in your area. If you don't now of one, ask people you know, or call various church pastors and they may surely be able to put you in contact with such a group. I've been divorced twice - both very long term marriages; three children from marriage one, and none from marriage two, but in my second marriage is when all the grandchildren were born so the grandchildren miss my second husband the most; their biological grandfather pretty much kept his distance and did not embrace them the way grandparents should embrace their grandchildren. I, too, retired from nursing as a registered nurse, so I connect with you there, too. After my second divorce, I chose to NOT date until God showed me what love was and what love was not. That lasted eleven years when I finally opened myself up to dating again (which was strongly encouraged by my children and close friends). During my 11 year hiatus from relationships, I learned so much about myself, and I want to encourage you with the following small steps that I picked up in your written post. First, slow deep breaths are necessary when the tension starts to rise in you. Second, it's okay to feel angry; it's what you do with your anger that can help heal you or destroy you. I pray you will choose healing for yourself. Make this time about you now. The divorce may happen, but what is more important right now is you and no one else...not even your husband. There are so many emotions you are feeling and will continue to feel so let yourself feel them. Whatever you do, do NOT hold in all that emotional pain, but let it out in whatever healthy ways that you can. I would go for runs and I'm not a runner, but I would find myself taking off running until I could cool down. Eventually, I took myself to Hawaii on a travel nurse assignment, and that helped me heal within 3 months. No kidding. LOL! It was truly medicine for my soul. Find what works for you, just make sure you choose healthy outlets to release that pentup anger...just don't hold it in. There's SO much to share with you, but I don't want to overwhelm you because one thing I learned through my first divorce was that PAIN will take us places we never thought we'd go. The first divorce was the most painful since we met as teenagers, had three children, and after 18 years of marriage it was over. I, too, was shocked at what I learned about him that brought me to file for a divorce. HEALING from something so painful as divorce takes time, patience, lots of tears and therapy, going down paths I never thought I'd go down, and so much more. I hope my sharing is helpful to you, or at least comforting in some small way. I'd be happy to share any other tips that may help you...just let me know. My favorite saying today is "Just Breathe"...one breath at a time...one step at a time. You have a ways to go in this healing process as it's just beginning for you and that healing takes time...in YOUR time, and not in someone else's time. (((HUGS))) Smiley Happy

Report Inappropriate Content
2
Kudos
3842
Views
Info Seeker
1
Kudos
3851
Views
5
Replies

Death of a Marriage, by Veronica McDowell, RN, NADONA, AALNC

3,851 Views
Message 6 of 6

In 6 days I will pass my 24th anniversary with my husband. 25 years and one child later I find myself starting over. I have been informed that I will be served with papers, "Dissolution of Marriage". How does one "Dissolve" 25 years of a person's life? Regardless of this undesirable outcome, it is out of my hands, and I AM ANGRY. This is not what I want. This is not my desire. He just wants out. I have become completely removed from my own family.

Trust me, neither one of us is perfect. We have both said stupid things, done stupid things. He will not stop and look at how this is hurting me, us and our family.

He has kept every promise since I met him, this was what got me hooked in the first place. Now he keeps his promises to everyone but me. I am an over-qualified, under-degreed Registered Nurse. My biggest problem is I speak up. If I do not have the tools to perform my job effectively, I walk away. As a Director of Nursing in Skilled Facilitites I have painted myself into a corner. I don't qualify for positions these days because I "don't have 1 year of current clinical experience" No matter what I do to show him this, he blames me, saying "That's your fault".

I don't know how to fix this, I guess there is no fixing something one person does'nt see the other's pain. I gave him my heart 25 years ago, he seems to have chosen not to give his to anyone. I am not a "victim" as he claims. I feel this is his loss, not mine. I just hope those papers don't come on June 5th. That would be terrible timing. So, I take a deep breath and move forward, alone after being married. How does one do that?

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
3851
Views
5
Replies