Been married for 28 years in the verge of divorce ...

MelissaB185701 · ‎01-11-2019

For the last 15 years my sexual drive has declined, having 3 kids and an extremely busy with them and for years being a major bread winner in the finances and dealing with fluctuating income from my husband and lots of job changs on his part has forced me to carry alot of extra work load ontop of my daily dutues at home and with the kids and extreme weight gain on his part! and the worst of it catching him online cheating multuple times over the years and this last time the online lead to an actual affair in person! He claims ive never been a good wife and my lack of sex drive forced him into seeking out women littering of all ages to give him what i haven't for 15 years! I dont have the luxury of being married to a man that can truly admit any fault of his own and i have never stopped loving him no matter but im unsure whether to stay or go. The trust issues and daily struggles are real.

I had a brief emotional affair so to speak about 13 years ago and all he seemed to want to do is throw that in my face and tell me even though it waa just 1 man 1 time its not the number thar counts and it is unspoken that i am in fact a cheater and can not call him one without owing my wring doing. I have and made a promise years ago to never make a mistake like that again and haven't yet all these years later he says he cant trust me

But expects me to movw on with the knowledge of actually reading the explicit sexual content of his online cheating and also knowing he met one girl several times to get blow jobs!

In his mind my lack of sex drive has caused all the problems

He says he has an extremely high drive and even when i would have said the sex normal he says it has nevee been enough...

Stay or go...

Anonymous · ‎06-09-2021

Dear @MelissaB185701 so sorry for all of this and hope you are now in a better place. We would luv to hear from you. I bet alot has happened in the 2 years since you posted. Divorce is hard for some of us. One was enough for me = never getting married again. Lots of hugs, Angela

Anonymous · ‎06-09-2021

@angelas420271 wrote:
I had no idea this part of AARP existed so, I know your post is old but, I am curious about your current status?
My ex-husband filed for divorce after 30yrs of marriage so, if you are still confused about staying or leaving, if there is anyway possible to do it, do it as safely and, as swiftly as possible. Any struggle alone, will be 100x's better than that same struggle, in turmoil with someone who vowed to love you.
You owe it to yourself, and those children. Trust only your gut, read everything about narcissism, financial planning, division of assets, and parental custody during divorce, as it applies in your state.
Knowledge is power, handle nothing in the dark, keep notes, and most importantly-PUT YOUR FEELINGS IN A SAFE PLACE, HE DESERVES NO REACTION, SAVE THOSE FOR THE MAN WHO WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LOVE LIKE AN ADULT, AND TREAT YOU LIKE A WOMAN.
Best Wishes, I really hope this post is late and you are already through with the drama but, if not-hang in there!

💥Hi @angelas420271 awesome advice!!!💥

Anonymous · ‎06-09-2021

@MargW372402 wrote:
Go, it's not worth the misery that you are going through. I went after nearly 30 years of marriage, the best thing that I did. I didn't even have a job, God is good. I got a job right away and now have retired. Good luck and God bless you.

💥Hi @MargW372402 awesome advice and congrats!!!!💥

MargW372402 · ‎11-27-2020

Go, it's not worth the misery that you are going through. I went after nearly 30 years of marriage, the best thing that I did. I didn't even have a job, God is good. I got a job right away and now have retired. Good luck and God bless you.

Raynyky · ‎11-14-2020

Time to go. You are both in different places.

RosemaryF433825 · ‎11-14-2020

It's always easiest for one person to blame the other, than to take responsibility for their own actions.

TimothyC836444 · ‎10-07-2020

go and find a new man.....he will have desires too but new energy may reignite the desire.

angelas420271 · ‎07-27-2020

I had no idea this part of AARP existed so, I know your post is old but, I am curious about your current status?

My ex-husband filed for divorce after 30yrs of marriage so, if you are still confused about staying or leaving, if there is anyway possible to do it, do it as safely and, as swiftly as possible. Any struggle alone, will be 100x's better than that same struggle, in turmoil with someone who vowed to love you.

You owe it to yourself, and those children. Trust only your gut, read everything about narcissism, financial planning, division of assets, and parental custody during divorce, as it applies in your state.

Knowledge is power, handle nothing in the dark, keep notes, and most importantly-PUT YOUR FEELINGS IN A SAFE PLACE, HE DESERVES NO REACTION, SAVE THOSE FOR THE MAN WHO WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LOVE LIKE AN ADULT, AND TREAT YOU LIKE A WOMAN.

Best Wishes, I really hope this post is late and you are already through with the drama but, if not-hang in there!

LydiaN586309 · ‎01-13-2019

Dear MelissaB185701,

You have given this torturous bondage 28 years of your life which you can never get back. If there is any hope at all that life could get or be better for you without him, I say take the leap and get as far away from that man as possible. I can almost guarantee you, your relationship with him will not improve. So get out while there is still the possibility of you having a life worth living.....for you!