I had no idea this part of AARP existed so, I know your post is old but, I am curious about your current status?
My ex-husband filed for divorce after 30yrs of marriage so, if you are still confused about staying or leaving, if there is anyway possible to do it, do it as safely and, as swiftly as possible. Any struggle alone, will be 100x's better than that same struggle, in turmoil with someone who vowed to love you.
You owe it to yourself, and those children. Trust only your gut, read everything about narcissism, financial planning, division of assets, and parental custody during divorce, as it applies in your state.
Knowledge is power, handle nothing in the dark, keep notes, and most importantly-PUT YOUR FEELINGS IN A SAFE PLACE, HE DESERVES NO REACTION, SAVE THOSE FOR THE MAN WHO WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LOVE LIKE AN ADULT, AND TREAT YOU LIKE A WOMAN.
Best Wishes, I really hope this post is late and you are already through with the drama but, if not-hang in there!