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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 41 of 57

In Response to RE: Are you happy living alone? by kaytoy

It sounds to me like your hubby could use some counseling...and maybe you, too.

Don't throw away 34 years of marriage until you investigate all options.  Divorce is UGLY.

 

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 42 of 57

Someone please help me. I have been married for 34 years.  I have been unhappy for many of the last years. We have had a long life together, but I guess I have changed. I want a husband who will do things like volunteer in the church, go to concerts or movies, get out and enjoy life. He has always been very conservative (at times very cheap). I have always worked outside the home and made my own money. The older he gets the worse he gets. He is selfish (like if I want to buy a gift for a girlfriend's birthday, he says "well, did she buy you something?), he is so tight with his money, we NEVER go out to eat, he won't turn on the air conditioning in the house because it burns too much electricity (unless it gets above 90 inside), we NEVER use our dryer because it burns too much electricity (we hang out our clothes on a line), and I NEVER get any kind of nice gift because it will cost him money. I am so tired of living like this. It has gotton worse this past year. He was fired from his job because of a work related injury, and he has now chosen to only work a part time job and draw a firemen's pension. Because he is not making as much money as he was, this has lowered our standard of living, but he's happy just making what he's making.  And that's fine with me, except now it keeps us from being able to go anywhere and do anything.  He now says he doesn't have the money to do things and he's happy staying home. He loves his money so much that I bought a new car last August (with my savings and I was making the payments). He went ballistic and demanded that we split all our money, savings, checking, etc. and "you have your money" and "I have my money".  I HATE living this way. We have always pooled our money and bought most anything we needed or wanted. I am 54 and I want to do things...enjoy life. I'm not saying go on cruises and expensive trips...just go to the mall or something. But I am so afraid of getting out of my marriage and being all alone. I am so afraid of leaving and then getting really sick and having no one. Do I stay unhappy the rest of my life?

 
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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 43 of 57

WOW - I've not been reading this for a year or so....I have to say that it is interesting to read all the answers...and so glad for most of the responders. On my own now at 65...this is my third year...still working...still finding out about me. Once the pain subsides (and it does)...once the true happy begins (as opposed to the "Oh, no, really, I'm fine" speach)....it's all a matter of "So far....so good". I'm loving my life....I had jelly beans for dinner one night last week...best jelly beans I've ever tasted....lonely?  A little bit, only once in a while....and only when I want to share quickly something I've seen, or learned...with someone who would find it facinating...so far...so good! 

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 44 of 57

You get use to living by yourself, but it does get lonely at times. The nights sometimes are the worst.  I tried to keep busy with my great gandchildren, I have seven of them. I go to the seniors, have lunch, play bingo go out with my sister. My ex and I were together twenty three years and sometimes it isn't easy, but being alone  will take some time to get use to.

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 45 of 57

In Response to RE: Are you happy living alone? by alto2mezzo

I'm with you.  I'm 70 and have been living alone for 14 years now.  Sure, I get lonely sometimes, but it's only temporary.  I just find something to do with friends or my adult children.  I was married three times and finally figured out I was just not cut out to be married.  I'm a slow learner, I guess.  I have had many great adventures and traveled to many great places.  I'm living in Paris for a while now.  I could have never done most of these things if I had been married.

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 46 of 57

OMG....yes, yes, yes!  I prefer to say living single rather than living alone because loneliness is a choice.  I'm 54 and have been on my own for the last 7 years.  I occasionally date but feel no pressure to get into another relationship.  Of course, if someone were to knock my socks off, I wouldn't mind, but flying solo is a liberating experience.  I spend my time and money as I choose and on whom I choose.  I have a decent job, family and friends and count my blessings every day.  I've come to this place after much soul searching, inner work, meditation and tears but I am HERE now, satisfied and grateful for my life.  Happy Holidays to all.


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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 47 of 57

 It's been a year and a half since my ex walked out.  I got the house, so I found it comforting that I did not have to give up the home I had known for 27 years.  However, as time went by I realized that everywhere I turned there were reminders of him.  So now I'm in the process of repainting and refurnishing it!  That's taking a lot of time, but as each room transforms I'm finding more about myself...with a smile.  Money is very tight  so I get a lot of things from freecycle and Craig's list, and I give away or sell the old stuff.  I've thought about a roommate, but for now I want my space to play with and enjoy.  I do get lonely, but my sons and a close friend are tutoring me through the projects and that helps.  

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 48 of 57

In Response to Are you happy living alone? by sallyjoq

I've been alone for almost 3 years.  Long enough to know it can be very lonely but am doing what I can to make that different.  I also was very alone in my marriage and have to keep reminding myself of the facts about that!!  I may look for a room mate at some point in time as much for company as to ease finances but for the moment am alright.  I had to go back to work after my divorce which has been good for me.  Work and my dog make me have to participate in life.  I found a place to volunteer so I can just be around people and I enjoy it.  Time moves on, God has cared for me perfectly and I have no reason to believe that will change.  For the first time in my life I'm taking the challenge to discover who I am and what I like!!  I've been a daughter, wife, mother, grand mother and incredibly my identity has remained within those titles so am trying to use this time to learn about myself.  Do I prefer to live alone?  No, but it's the place I am.  I'm not dealing with the abuse in my marriage anymore and lead a very quiet and for the most part content life.  

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 49 of 57

In Response to Are you happy living alone? by sallyjoq

When I first moved out, I couldn't afford a place of my own, so I stayed with a girlfriend I've known for 25 years.  Her daughter was away at college, and they had plenty of room, so it worked out fine.  When her daughter graduated, she needed her room again, as she would be going to grad school near here.  I looked on Craig's List for a roommate, or a room to rent, because I still didn't make enough money to afford my own place.  I rented the basement of a house, but got tired of my food disappearing, my room being gone into, etc.  I started looking around for a place to rent, and finally found a one bedroom apartment that I can barely afford.

I've been here for six months now, and there are things I like as well as things I don't like so much.  Both houses where I lived had multiple pets, one of which was always glad to keep me company.  I can't afford the $400 fee here, so I miss the companionship of a pet.  However, I like knowing my stuff will be where I put it, if I can only remember where that is!  I like not having to share a bathroom with anyone, especially since I was the only one who cleaned it.  I like being able to keep whatever hours suit me, and not worrying about waking others up.  And I like being able to have my friends over and not have someone else "just happen" to drop by for a while.  I like being able to listen to whatever I'm in the mood for, even if it's just the hum of the computer.

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 50 of 57

In Response to Are you happy living alone? by sallyjoq

I'm very happy now that the divorce is final.  I like coming home to a quiet home of my own (apartment because he got the house).  I'm not looking for a room mate.  I like to "window shop" in Match.com but in no way have the urge to connect.  I miss having a dog (he got those too) but am way to busy now and it wouldn't be fair to the dog.  

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