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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 11 of 59

In Response to RE: Are you happy living alone? by dan62iel

Bravo to you.  Keep on truckin'!

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 12 of 59

In Response to RE: Are you happy living alone? by Cindy2008

The relationship was all one sided.  Dispite all my efforts my ex just wanted to work and spend time with his other honeys.  You can be lonley in a crowd if there is no one in that crowd that cares about what you think or have to say.  Also some men seem to think that if their wives have friends outside the marriage (male or female) their control is threatened. 

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 13 of 59

 Hi Friends:

 

I am going to jump in here again.  I like taking risks as long as it is behind the keyboard.  Perhaps that may explain my willingness to dabble in securities, bonds, and commodities futures trading.  All done from behind the keyboard.  Just does not feel that risky, but, believe me, it really can be!  Made some …. Lost some!  Happens to the best investor.

 

Everything that will ever happen to you, eventually, becomes your past.  There is only one place for that information and that is your mind.  Carefully stored in a small portion of the brain, available for almost instant recall, with of course limitations.

 

Your brain function is like that of a PC, only on steroids!  Mega tons of memory storage for long term applications, even a small area similar to the cache in  a PC memory bank.  We call it our short-term memory and we clear it out every time we go to sleep.  Data gets moved into permanent memory but, even that over time becomes less reliable.  We can be fooled into thinking certain aspects of our childhood for example.  Old pictures, relatives point of view, they all play a role in shaping our memories of old.

 

Evolution has brought us this far.  Because of our memories, we can experience joy, happiness, sadness and pain.  How we interpret our past experiences makes a dramatic difference in how we see today and tomorrow.  I am repeatedly told, (I am a slow learner), that the past only exists in my mind.  Otherwise, it has come and gone.  All I can do, is move forward with time.  

 

We all ruminate over past experiences that seem to have gone wrong.  Yet, in reality, if you read between the many lines here, in one way or another, imply that the divorce was for the best.  Everyone is on their own life string.  Each at a different location on that string.  Time and experience make it so.

 

This I know.  All I have to do is get up out of bed, and get myself going for another day.  By taking this approach, I find it easier to deal with.  Time and my memory will make the adjustments that I need to get back on track.  Exposure to other people at the YMCA or YWCA, a church group if you prefer, or even better, a college classroom.  There you need to pay attention, read and learn.  This takes your mind off other issues that are just in the past.  You move forward and you meet new people.  My experience is that young people will join with you in the cafeteria, the classroom and study hall.  You are having a common experience with them.  Your goal is to get a good grade, learn something, and move on!  I am a firm believer in brick & mortar education vs., over the internet experience.  Okay I suppose for the upwardly mobile thirty-something's.

 

People interacting together is a sure fire remedy to what ails you.  Emotional unhappiness!  In school, friends change with each semester.  You get a better perspective on life.  Phew!

 Anyone can do it.  Even if you did not finish high school, your community college has opportunities to address that situation.  I started with a GED, and 1 1/2 years of high school.  I am at the Masters level now, 40 years later with 205 college credit hours under my belt.  It has really made a difference for me in how I see the world!

Regardless of age, for many, this idea of returning to just one class per semester, gets a person going again.  There are senior discounts, grants for displaced homemakers (women that were dependent on the ex for support), and many other social characteristics that may help you qualify.  Yes, college is getting expensive, but so is food and apartment rent etc.  Expensive is a term we often apply to something that we believe is not within our ability to pay or our budget.  "Too expensive."  Some will hear this call, others will not.

 

Hugs

 

Daniel

 

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 14 of 59

I don't know why about much but it is what it is and I can't seem to get any traction in my life , but it is the slippery slope I live on.

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 15 of 59

In Response to RE: Are you happy living alone? by teresaheck

May I ask why the divorce if both of you feel the loniness when you are in the same room?

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 16 of 59

I am somewhat happy living alone. I am in an 8x32 foot fema trailer so I can't get all my meager belongings in here. Bad weather freaks me out in it but I like being in control of TV and love no one telling me what and when to eat. All in all it is pretty good, I miss my husband but I had to move 300miles away for a family support system. I miss my church family and I am working on creating a new one. Very hard being so shy to establish new relationships. I do agree the worst lonliness is that kind you have when the person you miss is in the next room and he said that is what he felt ,too. It is what it is and God will work it out for me, he always does.

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 17 of 59

After 20 years of marriage I divorced 8 years ago.   I have been single ever since and living on my own with a preteen-to teen-to adult child.   I can honestly say that living alone (and without any significant dating options) is less lonely that my 20 year marriage.   I have since established a new and successful career, generated enough money that I do not have to rely on another income to survive, become a home owner, educated two children on my own and survived stage 3 breast cancer.   I found that there is a wealth of friends and family ready and willing to help if I just ask.   I did not have that while married because my ex husband blocked my access to friends and family and was very jealous of anyone that I confided in.   I do miss sex but that is all.  

,

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 18 of 59

In Response to RE: Are you happy living alone? by sallyjoq

Reply to Eric,  I can back Sally Jo up 10,000 percent.  I was married to a man for 37 years and he came out of the closet that he had surpressed GAY feelings I discovered this by his absent evenings and spending $ for 5 weeks.  I left our house with a young adult child and got my own place.  Yes, lots of ups and downs but I detest what he did and his hidden lifestyle.  I have a few occassions been with him for family functions.  It is all about the WE, WE, WE, ME, ME show.  The other day we had to be together for a family emergency.  I told him about my new job and what crazy hours I had to work.  I got a call 2 hours into my work schedule the next day to ask me about a document for my attorney.  He said he didn't know I was working so early.  ARE you kidding me?  I gave him all that information the day before and evedently he didn't take notes.  Things will never change with him.  My life is truly so much better off without him.  Alitttle tough sometimes sitting alone on my patio.  My son will be moving in about 2 weeks.  I have contacted a breeder and will be getting a small pet in about 5 weeks.  She will occupy my time and then I can maybe get involved in so church activities and volunteering. 

 

Hang in there Eric.  Remember you have way too much to offer to be gone.   Please visit this website often and let us know how you are doing.  Cindy

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 19 of 59

 Re: Eric's comment. It's healthy and helpful to see the truth of this reality spoken. 

While we can be hopeful, fill time with friends, hobbies, volunteer activites, sign up for on line matchmaking sites, get counselling, read books on our singledom, engage in spiritual endeavors, isn't there afterall something to be said for simply admitting and ultimately accepting that it is lonely? We can come to terms with that loneliness and accept it, or do something about it. It seems that when we accept a solo life might be our state for the rest of our lives, that we often find a significant relationship or a deeper meaningfulness to our activities. And if not, at least we have accepted being single- and yes, also sometimes lonely- without feeling dismal about it.  

Of course, loneliness is vastly dfferent from aloneness. Some relish the solitude. Some of us are just made to be partnered, social animals that we are, and partnerless can feel empty.  I have seen a lot of people whose primary goal and therefore all their activities are toward finding a partner rather than use the singleness as an advantage to learn more about themselves. I've also seen a lot of hype of singledom, without ever admitting it is lonely. 

Best wishes to all along this road as we deal with the realities of being alone, and our efforts to find meaningfulness within that state. Comments welcome. 

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RE: Are you happy living alone?

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Message 20 of 59

Here is a message I received from one of our members:

Happy living alone?

Sunday June 12, 1:28 AM

hi I am new at AARP so not sure if I am doing this correctly. About being happy living alone. No. I am not. Living alone for me makes me wonder wether it's worth living at all. With no one to look after, share things with, laugh and cry with, learn and experience new things with - what's the point? That was a nice release Smiley Happy Nice to be able to tell that to someone - even if it is only a computer Smiley Happy Eric

 

Eric,

I know this is  a difficult time in your life.  Many of us in this Late-life divorce group have been where you are right now.  We feel your pain, believe me.

Remembering back, I felt just the way you do now about living alone.  Coming home to an empty house was very, very sad.

But, I discovered, as you will, that living through this will make you a stronger person; a better person.  Soon, the loneliness will prompt you to seek out other people.  Maybe you will look into doing some volunteer work.  Maybe you will spend more time with friends and family.

Possibly, you will do as I did and look into an on-line matching service.  I was just looking for somebody to have dinner with once and a while.  What I found was someone who wanted the same thing. 

This friendship has now turned into a love affair and if you had told me that there was even a possibility of this happening in my life a couple of years ago, I would have laughed in your face.

So, dear friend, give yourself time.  Do what you need to do to make yourself happy.  Try filling your hours with hobbies you love and people who enrich you.

Time will pass; slowly at first.  But, in no time, you will discover that you are feeling much happier than yesterday and REALLY happier than you are now.

Don't let this sorrowful time in your life control you.  YOU can control it.  YOU can live through this and prosper.

I wish you ALL the best and know that you are in my prayers today.

SallyJo

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