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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 11 of 19
I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the same boat after 33 years together. She is already living with someone else. It's killing me emotionally. I am isolated and depressed; especially just retiring in May. I feel so lost and finding it very difficult to cope. Unfortunately, she was my life and connection to the outside world. I have nothing now.
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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 12 of 19

I am so sorry.  You can't look at the years as being wasted.  You are the person you are today because of all those years.  My son reminded me of this when I made the same remark many years ago.  I was so angry at myself for giving his dad soooo many chances over the years.  We had been married 27 1/2 years. It is sad, as I really wanted the marriage to work, but as you know it takes two to want and make a marriage. That was 18 years ago.  I've since remarried to a wonderful man that has his values and priorities in the correct order. I've never been happier!  We'll be celebrating our 12th anniversary in the Fall.  Wishing you all the luck and happiness, as you both deserve it, whether it's together or apart.    

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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 13 of 19

I'm so sorry for anyone going through the end of a marriage.  I've been through it several times and it doesn't get any easier, except for the knowledge that I know I can get through it.  I didn't have a marriage that lasted 40 years.   Eighteen was my longest, but that doesn't mean that I didn't go into them thinking it would be forever, even the last one which was to my college sweetheart after we had both married other people and divorced.  It seemed it was meant to be.

 

I think perhaps women are luckier than men in that we usually have women friends that we can talk to and perhaps we find it easier to to seek help from a professional.  I had the help of both that let me see that the time had been anything but wasted as I had gained so much from the relationships and that they had not been failures, even if they didn't end the way I had planned.

 

Good luck.  I hope you find someone who can help you through this transition and come out on the other side.

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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 14 of 19
Well if both of you are not happy then go find happiness, Life is short. But I agree you should seek professional help. I hope you both find happiness in your life.
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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 15 of 19

40 years, goes in a flash and yet how do you let go of all that?  the passion. the building of home, shared friends, the kids, grand parents, friends and their families?  Massive loss but is it?  I think it was great for what it was.  Why own what the other partner compromised?  It was good.   I take away an amazing shared parenting, a wonderful, still astonishing child, his bride and her colorful family. I see older couples holding hands and miss that dream.  Not to be mine.   Being older is not without its adventures.  Its good to keep open to the possibility of happiness shared again.

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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 16 of 19

I know the need to talk. been there.family and friends are better. but know the net is less personal and easier. did not have it when i wentthrough it.dont think of it as wasted years. any good times? kids? those are things that you have and can never be taken away.keep your mind positive. it seems hard but you will move on.

dont take life too serious
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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 17 of 19
Thanks
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Re: 40 years wasted?

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Message 18 of 19

I'd say you probably do need someone to talk to, but you should look to a professional to help you with coping strategies, not on the Internet.

 

I for example would probably give you terrible advice.

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40 years wasted?

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Message 19 of 19
What bothers me most is the sadness @ finding out after 40 years that my wife "does not love me like that anymore" ... After years of being patient while she "went through the change". Now facing end of life w\no partner. She won't talk about problems... Unsure if infidelity is part of her reluctance to talk. Torn with anticipation of ending what I expected to be lifetime together.

No one to talk with- 1st attempt to reach out. Details vague on purpose.

Help?
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